I'd like to share a TEDxTalk by John Cacioppo.
John offers some insights into how loneliness deeply affects us.

This video is approx. 19 minutes in length, and well worth it!

The Lethality of Loneliness

http://tedxtalks.ted.com/video/The-L...Loneliness-Joh

To Our Healing,
DejaVu

Thanks DejaVu...I will watch as time permits today. I love TEDtalks...what them all the time. Appreciate you sharing...been feeling rather lonely myself lately.
Diandra

Hi Diandra,
Thanks for writing.

Many, including myself, find it difficult to openly express feeling lonely.
Congrats to you, Diandra, for admitting to feelings of loneliness.
I also have some lonely times in my life. Sometimes we can be in the midst of many and feel "alone."

(In this TEDTalk, John mentions the stigma many feel for admitting to feeling lonely.)

I am also a huge fan of TEDTalks.

This TEDTalk is one of my favorites to share. I know so many people experiencing loneliness. I feel this is a very important talk for many of us, for people in general. You'll see the statistics, the prevalence of loneliness in this presentation.

John talks about the prevalence of loneliness and isolation, as well as the "stigma" of admitting to loneliness.

John explains the dangers to us, as "social beings," when we experience loneliness. He touches upon the impact on our biology, brains and behavior.
The statistics he gives concerning morbidity and mortality are astounding.

John further explains how "loneliness" changes our brains, causing our brains to go into a self-preservation mode. This then changes our behaviors in interactions when we do have interactions, in a way which threatens to reinforce further loneliness.

John also makes some suggestions on how to eradicate "loneliness" and it's negative effects upon our overall health (physical, psychological) and upon our behaviors.

I hope you find this TEDTalk enlightening.

Warmly,
DejaVu

Hey, thanks for the post!! I have never listened to these!!! Will now be a regular visitor!!

Hi Tamiloo,

A big smile from me when I saw your name.
I haven't been around in awhile, yet we used to chat now and then-- you and I. You have crossed my mind often. I've been following your more recent posts in another forum. Glad you and your hubby are doing well!

Thanks for writing in response to the TEDTalk.

I enjoy TEDTalks very much! So many topics are covered and the presentations aren't too long. I hope you also enjoy selections from the many talks available.

Happy to hear from you, Tamiloo!

Warmly,
DejaVu

Dear DV,
I did watch it and learned quite a bit....very interesting.
I had no idea loneliness caused defensiveness and always being on the lookout for the next perceived slight. I have been short tempered and negative of late, which is not like me, and I chalked it up to not feeling well...never would I have linked it to loneliness. Now that I know how linked it is to other things like lifespan, I will definitely put more effort into working on it.

I think loneliness is also one of those feelings that can be difficult to admit even to ourselves, let alone anyone else. It makes me feel like such a loser that I don't like to think about it at all. I found out I have breast cancer in March 2015 and that, on top of the other health issues I have dealt with for over 20 yrs, has been extremely isolating.

Oddly, many family and friends seemed to have backed away since my cancer dx, not sure why, maybe not knowing what to say or do or not wanting to intrude...I feel like a leper and quite frankly, for the first time in my life, quite powerless because right now I am too sick to take much action, although I did force myself to go to a support group for people with breast cancer. That was helpful because everyone spoke about feeling isolated and, as you had mentioned, no matter how many people were in their lives they were isolated because none of them had cancer and could not relate.....so at least I have his group to meet with every week.

Of course, another huge positive is this forum. I have come to rely on it more and more.

Thanks DejaVu.....please share any other Ted talks you especially like.
You are such a kind, warm person.
PM me any time you feel lonely or blue.....I 'd be happy to chat with you.
My best,
Diandra

Dearest Diandra,

Thanks for responding and writing about the TEDTalk topic.
I was stunned the first time I'd watched this talk.

In my case, I think I was alone so often during 25+ years of chronic illness, chronic pain, medical disability -- I did not realize I was "lonely" at times.
I can be very sociable; yet, I also find I need my alone time in order to stay balanced. I, may, at times, have too much alone time. I'll have to watch and see, making some adjustments.

I definitely did not realize the potential impact upon my health, brain, behaviors.

Diandra, I am very sorry you are having to deal with breast cancer.
As you've shared, you've already had so many challenges to endure.
I am also saddened people have backed away since your cancer diagnosis. I have heard this happens often.

(I cannot be sure; yet, I feel the "backing away" is fear-based. It would be helpful if friends/family could honestly verbalize: "I don't know what to say," or "I fear losing you," or whatever is going on for each of them.)

My immediate neighbor is dealing with ovarian cancer. We check in on my neighbor and her husband daily. They are often joining us for dinner here, as well as going to events with us now and then. I could not possibly "back away," it's just not my style.

I hope you may find ways to feel less alone, Diandra. I am sure the support group is helpful, when you can attend. The ability to attend can also be an issue, I know.

Yes, this is a very helpful forum. I agree.

Thanks for your reaching out and your openness, as well as your support. Your approach is very healing.

Glad our paths have crossed.

With Sincere Gratitude,
DejaVu

For me being alone is totally different from feeling loneliness.

I'm not sure I've ever truly felt loneliness. I've felt alone but not lonely.

I don't know why because I have been alone a lot of my life since childhood really. Loneliness to me implies the need for other people and personal contact. It seems a very human and common experience but I have never felt that.

Hi Lara,

I totally understand what you are saying.

Although I grew up in a large family, with several siblings, I tend to enjoy my alone time very much. In fact, there are several stories about me locking everyone out of the house when I was very young, and sitting alone on the sofa. No amount of coaxing would cause me to open the door. Adults had to cut the screen and enter through the window (warm weather, windows were open.) I was obviously craving alone time then!

I do know I don't feel loneliness to the extent that some people feel it. I know of people rarely able to spend time alone.

Yet, I also find I can leave the house while feeling horrible and will be sure I am not going to stay out longer than I have to. I then get to socializing and feel better, staying out much longer than I had planned. Those experiences suggest the socialization is very helpful to me, on many levels, at times.

I truly feel the balance is a very individual one, based upon whether or not one is basically an introvert or an extrovert.

Many people feel they are never lonely.
You raise an excellent point.

John talks about some "alarms" we can pay attention to, in order to recognize/minimize loneliness.

Thanks so much for writing, Lara.
Warmly,
DejaVu

Exactly. It very much depends on whether one is an introvert or an extrovert and on lots of other life experiences as well as genetics I guess.

I do find it sad though that people would feel stigma in talking about their loneliness.

That's very sad and it shouldn't be like that. We're all so complex. It shouldn't be seen as a flaw or a weakness. I've known some very lonely people who were not actually alone in their lives but their age and health conditions didn't enable them to continue living their lives the same as when they were younger or when they were well.

It's a very interesting subject and very complex.