Clothing has always been an issue for me. As a kid, I was teased because my mother would not allow me to wear anything current or have more than a few outfits to last the entire year. I never wore hand-me-downs (sister was 6 yrs older), but the clothing my mother chose for me was intentionally plain, sturdy and big enough to last an extra year. I wasn't allowed to look pretty.

When I was able to break free and get a job, it felt so good to wear nice clothing. I remember a woman at work telling me she and her co-workers considered me the best dressed person in my department. I didn't dress well in order to stand out. I dressed well in order to fit in - in order to not have to worry about being teased for my "rags." At home, even my casual clothing looked good.

My illness (amyloidosis) causes overall skin irritation. Orthostatic hypotension makes it virtually impossible to shop and try on clothing without fainting. Our funds are limited, so my husband came home one day with three dresses for me from the flea market. They are full length, sleeveless, very soft embroidered dresses made in India and they are VERY comfortable.

However, I am NOT comfortable wearing them outside in public. I stand out like a sore thumb, and the "hippy chick" look has NEVER looked good on me. I gathered my nerve one night and sat out front with my husband. My neighbor comes over, looks me up and down and says "That looks....um.....comfortable. Where did you buy it?" I felt a little humiliated saying it came from the flea market.

A few days later, her daughter (10 yrs younger than I am) tells me she has some old "gypsy" dresses she doesn't wear and will pack them up and give them to me. It made me feel like a charity case - only worthy of other people's garbage. Is that what I've become?

She didn't give them to me. She gave them to my husband to give to me, so now I'm stuck with them.

I've swapped clothing with friends of mine in the past on occasion for special events, but I've never had this happen to me before. It was a real swipe at my dignity and pride. I doubt I could feel good about myself, inside or out, knowing I'm wearing my neighbor's "good will." If my other neighbors find out I'm wearing her clothing, they will think my husband can't afford to buy me clothing.

What should I do with the dresses my neighbor gave me? What should I tell my neighbor?

If they are comfortable and fit well and in nice condition - I would wear them.

I really don't care for the new clothes/styles/colors in the stores, so many times I found things I liked in a thrift store - often they are brand names and in really nice shape..

My mom liked to sew, so I had many homemade dresses as a kid { sometimes I didn't like the color or the fabric...} and I was a tomboy anyway so i didn't wear them much- jeans & tees were my preference. {still is}

But really if they are nice dresses wear them with your head high and don't fret abut what others think.
Have you tried them on?

If they aren't in nice condition- I guess say nothing and donate them to a charity...
... or if they didn't fit well, not comfortable for you..., just say so if it comes up.
and a "thank you for thinking of me" , is always nice if the subject comes up... whether you wear the dresses or not.

If you choose to think it's a dig to your pride, then it will be.

I think it was a nice gesture from a neighbor who thought that you liked a certain style. She saw a way to get rid of something she no longer wore - I'm sure that the term "charity case" never crossed her mind. That's your baggage in your past talking. (I can say that because I carry the same baggage from a mom who did the same thing). I look at it from a different point of view however, and that makes a lot of difference.

Opps I replyed in s.o.s. Kathy .
PEACE
BMW

Thank you jo and greta. I've shopped at the thrift store as well, but it was by choice and I got to choose what I bought for myself.

I never said any of these dresses were pretty, in good condition, or even my style. I look horrible in them. They just cause less irritation to my skin.

It's just that when people pick out clothing to give to charity, it's always their garbage clothing. Have you ever heard of someone coming home from the mall with a pretty new dress and say "I think I'll donate this one to Good Will?" I haven't. Donations of clothing are usually done with the intention of clearing out the closet in order to buy something better and/or more suitable for society. It's usually accompanied with the words "It's too old and worn out for me, but some pour soul might enjoy it."

I DO appreciate her gesture. I was just surprised that I look like the poor souls people talk about when they give to charity.

It doesn't matter what others think of you. But if you really want them to know that it's not cuz you can't afford it, just tell someone that you have amiliodosis & that lots of clothes are uncomfortable then what jo said, tell them "thanks for thinking of me" then maybe talk of the material or something.

Kathy, I have some new or hardly worn clothes to give to Goodwill or such. True, I was sorta cleaning; but I could still wear some of them but they are a little tight. I won't tell my DH, but a couple things I bought last yr & never wore, I decided to include with the others.

I think many clothes get donated because someone gained or lost weight, or in the case of teenagers growth spurts...
or you buy something and don't wear it right away then pull it out and it doesn't fit like you thought it did and by now the receipt is long gone... I've donated quite a few of those.

Don't forget all the "breakups" that happen and people leave things behind- I'll bet most of those get donated..

I have a nice dress that I bought 5 yrs ago for weddings/funerals, but haven't worn it yet- the weather was always not right for it so it sits in my drawer.. real soft fabric and non wrinkle so no need to hang it.

My friend donated all of her old pants to me when she lost weight and they were too big for her. Was I ticked...nope, I got a whole new wardrobe. I don't look at someone else's things as garbage...just recycling Some of the things she gave me were worn, some looked brand new.

How was your neighbor to know that they weren't your style when you were wearing something very similar in style

kathy, if the clothes aren't something you would wear, just donate them to a charity.

if they ask, just explain nicely that you really appriciate the offer, but since your husband already bought you 3 dresses you knew others could use them so much more than you.

btw, many of the goodwill and other misssion thrift stores have up to date good lable fashions. it's not the "in" thing to wear last seasons outits. or for some to be seen in them twice. lil'monkeys wardrobe is filled with like new american eagle, hollister, arepostyl and stuff like that. can't beat paying a buck for a shirt or $5 for a pair of american eagle jeans. heck of a lot cheaper than walmart.

like jo said too..people donate clothes that don't fit them anymore..or bought and never wore.

Yep, my mistake was listening to my husband and going outside in those dresses. I never would have chosen them myself in the first place. I might have considered them as pajamas, but certainly not anything to wear in public.

It wasn't her fault. I just won't go outside in my "pajamas" anymore.

I like the idea of swallowing my pride and going for comfort - to heck with what others think. If that's the case, I should go all out and wear a nice cotton burka in public. That would solve ALL my problems with clothing. I wonder how many people would stop to give me their donations - or even to say hello.