Hi All!!

Have a quick question.

What is the correct approach when one is faced head on with a 16 year old, over six foot, non verbal, severely autistic kid??

I sometimes am faced with this (in my neighborhood).

When he exhibits destructive behavior and screams, everybody stares (because they don't know about autism).

He has family members he lives with but they are getting on in years and I don't see how they can maintain any control.

What does one do when a severely autistic kid (big), is so out of control that he screams and yells at the top of his head.

There is lots of head banging and house shaking and it's getting scary.

I believe it's because he can't communicate and is frustrated.

Any tips would be most appreciated.

I love the family and things seem so hard.

Thanks much.

Melody

Mel have you talked with the parents, maybe with them aging they would appreciate some input as to what to do

Sounds like he might need behavior therapy if he's not already getting it, and that can hopefully help him to get a little better at communicating. If not maybe they need to think about residential placement. I know it's been on my mind since my autistic son (12) is overly aggressive and out of control when at home. I know placement is coming.

Hi.

Unfortunately, I can't talk to the parents because they just drop him off in front of the house, and pick him up at night. Lots of stuff going on in this family. I see the WHOLE FAMILY a few times a year.

It's a BIG family. Lots of professional people in this family. Sometimes, a person wants to interfere but then sometimes a person CAN'T.

People (in this case) want their privacy. I completely understand.

I think all I can really do is just wait, listen, and if they need my help, well I'll be happy to help. But I can tell you one thing. The parents, and grandparents, do NOT go on the internet and look up information on Autism.

That is abundantly clear.

Very old world type of people. And one other thing.

There is a lady around here (I've noticed her for 17 years). She's abut 45 or so. She is extremely mentally handicapped. (Not autistic). She speaks but no one can understand her. She knows what she is saying but no one else does.

Her parents did not believe in sending her to any type of special needs school for any type of special needs training (or whatever special needs schools do for people with her particular kind of disability).

Her parents actually send her shopping with a shopping cart. Do you know how many times I have seen shop keepers literally take her by her shoulders and heave her out the door because she is screaming (she knows what she is saying but because no one understands her, everyone is frustrated and nothing is accomplished).

I've seen her go into butchers, and local supermarkets with a list. She goes shopping. But because she yells and screams, everybody goes nuts and they kick her out. They actually hand her dollar blls to make her leave. And she goes back in 5 minutes later.

I once asked someone, (and she must have been 33 or so at the time). "Why do her parents send her out without anyone to accompany her". and they always sadly say "they didn't want anyone to know, they didn't believe in sending her away for help, so they just let her sit on the stoop". (And I've seen her sit on the stoop talking to herself".

They've since moved, but I have never seen such ignorance in all my life.

This woman might have had a much better shot at life if she had been properly schooled and instructed in managing her communicating skills.

She wound up never being able to communicate.

The autistic kid I know does not verbalize at all. Not one word. So at 16, I have no idea if he can be taught to communicate. I mean, the van picks him up and takes him somewhere. I gather he does SOMETHING all day long, no???"

Very frustrating (especially with more and more of our younger people being diagnosed with various forms of autism today).

Thanks for the input,

Melody

Gosh , it seems like one of the family members should be able to look up info & find some sort of help.
as a kid gets big they don't always listen or do what they should...

[Autism Spectrum Disorders, or
Pervasive Developmental Disorders

Autism is a collection of behavioural symptoms, not a specific disease. These symptoms are found in several specific medical conditions as well as the autism spectrum disorders. The terms Autism Spectrum Disorders and Pervasive Developmental Disorders refer to a group of disorders characterised by delays in the development of basic functions including socialisation and communication. This group of disorders includes Asperger's disorder (Asperger's syndrome) and several other disorders in addition to autism. ]
http://www.thechildrensclinic.ie/autism.html#aspergers

But if he is disruptive, unsafe, or acting out in harmful ways maybe child services could be called and then he may get him the help needed...

Or possibly call the police if he is doing harm to himself or others, but be sure to tell them he is autistic- tell then many times, so if he isn't following their commands they don't shoot him.

It happens - they only know the person is not following commands and even worse if the person makes a wrong move.

I completely agree with you.

I have indeed tried to open up a dialogue (in Italian and in English). I was met with "But he's so smart, you should see him on the Playstation"!!!

Now how do you reply to an ignorant comment like that?

You don't.

The parents absolutely know what he has. I don't think they've explained to the Grandparents all the complexities of autism.

The grandparents only say "he's autistic". I know they don't know what that means, what it REALLY mean, I mean.

I have been there when he is banging on the walls and destroying the house and they start to sing to him to try and calm him down.

He has no communication skills whatsoever.

I don't know what he is being taught. Can a person be taught anything when they have no communication skills and they dont' verbalize?

I know other instances where they use behavior modication to get the kids to behave. Not the most nicest method I read about. Other people have told me what happens to their kids when they go to the special needs programs. They spray water in their faces when they misbehave.

But what else can they do?

The sad part is that he looks like a perfectly normal 16 year old boy. And he's absolutely gorgeous.

I once met the grandparents in the bank and they were walking out. I said Hi to the kid and he shook my hand. I never was so surprised in all my life.

It was like he was in "calm mode".

then to see him jumping around climbing on stuff and banging his head.

I think it's because he's frustrated and can't communicate.

What do you think would happen if one day I walk over to him and I do the binary code thing.

I heard that in severe autistic cases, their minds are like computers.

I picture myself looking at him and going 1 01 1 01, just to see if he would respond.

Let's just keep our fingers crossed that he has more "calm modes" than "acting out modes".

Melody

A child who is not verbel can communicte by simple methods. Ex: a picture board with needs on it - food, toilet, washing, etc. and most can point to what they want. A picture of people - when grandma or aunt enter sroom, is and wave hi, wave bye-bye. A speech clinic at a college or university can often help (my friend is director of one in CT.), but this is a 16 year old, adolesence can make it difficult, I was one on one with an autistic 12 year old, mandated in his IEP.(iIndividualized Education Plan) as he was a danger to others. He would be 28 now or so, sure parents old or gone, sure he is residential now.

At 16, this child be in a special needs class, Federal law PL 142???) guarantees education birth to 21)but even some special ed. people don't know how to deal with autism. There shoulld of been behavior training years ago, introduced by someone who knows, and used consistently at home - really hard for parents. There are many theories on how to deal with autism and it's causes.

I just saw him 5 minutes ago. He was going for a walk with his grandfather (who always has him by the hand.

The grandfather is 5 feet tall. The kid is over 6 feet tall. He was in "calm mode".

Last night I went over to the car when the mom picked him up. I said hi to the 16 year old. He just stares back at you with a blank stare. No response whatsoever. There is also an 11 year old (normal) sibling. I rumpled his head, he gave a good laugh. He is very calming and good for dealing with the 16 year old.

The mother NEVER wants to discuss anything about the 16 year old. It's her right and I respect her right to do this.

Nothing I can do but wait until my doorbell rings and they need help.

Hasn't happened yet (regarding the kid), but it ALWAYS happens regarding the computer, or the tv.

I once asked the grandmother in italian "What does he do all day in school?, and she said "Computer".

I've never ever seen him communicate with anyone in any way. He has never pointed, he has never verbalized, he has never responded. He has calm modes and out of control modes. (Don't know what else to call these).

And you never know when he is going to switch modes. I tried conversing with him when I first met him. I said "Hi how are you today, everything okay". The brother chimed in "he's having a good day".

The 16 year old looked right through me. No, that's not correct. He looked into my eyes but there was no reaction. It's like you WANT him to have a reaction, but he says nothing.

I would love to know what goes on inside that brain. Is he aware of his surroundings??

And when he has to go to the bathroom (does he KNOW what to do?).

Or does someone have to take him and do the rest.

God, all the perplexities of autism. And the various places on the spectrum.

I will NEVER forget one day when I took a bus ride and I heard a lovely young woman get up and give up her seat for an older person. I said to her "that was very nice of you". The minute she opened her mouth I knew she was autistic. Her voice was one octave higher than normal and her speech pattern (well I just knew). I sat next to her. I had a 20 minute ride.

She and I began a dialogue. I asked her "Where are you off to today?" She responded "Why, I'm going to my job at Popeyes". I said "wow, it's a holiday (I remember that part of the conversation). and she said "Well, people have to eat on holidays now don't they?" I laughed.

Then she said "People say I'm disabled, I don't consider myself disabled, do you?" and she turned to look at me.

I said "Honey, you are the most able person I have met in a long time". She said "why thank you".

I then said: "What have you been diagnosed with?" and she said in a loud clear voice: AUTISM.

I said "Wow, and you go to work, how awesome is that?" and she said:

"Oh, I've had lots of therapy from when I was younger (she must have been 21 or so). She said "I have been in life skills programs, and support groups, and now I have a job".

She was lovely, friendly and knew exactly what she was talking about.

I wished her well and I told her "I"m very proud of you". She just beamed.

I left her and I will never forget that beaming face as long as I live.

Same diagnosis ....MANY VARIATIONS.

Amazing!!

mel

Melody