Hey Holly, I'm sorry you are going through this with your grandmother. I know exactly what you are going through. I'm sitting here watching my dad(at this very moment). According to Hospice, we only have a day or two left.

I wrote a novel for you, but deleted it when I realized I was spewing out everything I was feeling. You didn't need to hear that.

Just know that I know what you are going through. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

Holly, remember to take some "ME" time. You cannot exhaust yourself. You will be no good to anyone if you do.


Love ya
DAY

Holly,

I went through the same things with my parents so I can relate to a lot of this that you're going through with your Grandma. My Mom had the confusion earlier on though since she had Alzheimer's. My Dad had the confusion in his last days. They both saw deceased loved ones, and I felt that they were right there in the room with them.

The one thing I could always do was hold their hand or hug them, and soothe them until the bad spell passed. I prayed over them in the final days, it seemed to help both of us.

Your Grandma knows how much you're doing for her. You're such an awesome granddaughter, have I told you that lately? :hug:

Hugs to you too Day. :hug:

Hang in there, Holly! Just being w/Grandma and loving her will help her along her path to be reunited w/Grandpa. I know how sad this time is, but cherish every moment and every word she says. During my Mother's last few days, I sat and listened to her tell me stories that I had heard long before, but I think I actually ''really'' heard them those last few days. I will forever hold those moments w/her in my heart.

I am keeping you and G'ma in my prayers.

And Day, please know that you are in my thoughts and prayers also. I know how hard this time w/your Father is for you. It's never easy, but knowing our loved ones will be at Peace is what we have to hold on to. Take care.

Holly, just here to let you know I'm thinking about you and grandma. :hug:

Holly and Day,

My prayers are with you both at this time. :hug:

Those of you who have been through this process before, tell me what you did when your loved started sleeping all the time. She sleeps so much, but can still wake up for periods of time. I feel kind of lost for what I'm supposed to do. Sometimes I just sit in there, other times I just keep checking on her to see if she is awake, then sometimes I go in and wake her up.

I feel guilty waking her up, but sometimes I have to give her medicine and sometimes I just want to see how she is doing. I feel guilty sometimes just letting her sleep because I feel like I'm ignoring her and should be doing something else with her, but I don't know what.

I'd hold my Dad's hand. Even when he was asleep...or pretending to be...he didn't seem to mind it and it made me feel closer. Like I was giving some sort of comfort or at least proof that I was right there. I didn't want him to feel alone.

Sometimes he'd move his hand so I took that as a sign that he just didn't feel like being touched. That was OK....I wanted him to do what he wanted to do.

I felt much the same way you do.....I was there but felt like I wasn't doing enough. He knew I was there and would do whatever was asked of me. Seemed like just another person in the room was all he wanted. Just to know somebody was there.

A sweet lady that volunteered at the Hospice my Dad was in told me that she sometimes reads to the patients. Even when they are asleep or seem out of it she still sits and reads to them. Poetry or verses from the Bible....anything soothing and peaceful. She thought they enjoyed it even when they couldn't tell her.

:hug: Holly :hug::hug:

I just hugged my Mom while she slept. I figured she needed the sleep so I tried not to interrupt. At the end she refused her meds so it didn't help to wake her up for them. The best thing was to keep her comfortable.

Keeping you both in my prayers... :hug: :hug: :hug:

Holly, with my dad we sometimes turned on the tv. Most of the time we turned on the radio. Played my dads favorite Alan Jackson CD's.

The main thing at this point is that she is comfortable. If she is comfortable, don't feel bad if you need to do something else in the house. We would clean house, talk. Sometimes mom would take a nap while I went to the store for things that were needed.

You have to take care of you too.


DAY

Hi Holly:

I was with my friend (age 57) when she was at the end stages of her life. I went there knowing she would not recognize me. Her 82 year old mother was standing in front of her bed and she just spoke to her. Then she administered morphine from a little dropper. I gather she was authorized to do this. My friend would just whimper a bit in her sleep but she never woke up. They had a hospital bed put downstairs in the living room and her friends would drop in from time to time (I mean the friends who were able to see her this way), Some of them couldn't take it.

I never thought of not going. I knew her mother needed the support and I just took the Access-a-ride bus and took myself over there.

Our friendship began over 20 years ago, and when she became a grandma, she would watch the kids on Tuesday. So I went there every single tuesday, and I would take the 3 month old, and she would have the 2 year old, and we played choo choo and all sorts of great stuff that babies and toddlers love to do. I had other friends living on that block, and they too were grandmas, so we'd have grandma day. Since I wasn't a grandma, I was able to be a PRETEND GRANDMA for the day. Best experience I ever had.

But my friend became ill, and it lasted over 2 years. We still got together and did our shopping.

That last day I was with her, I held her hand and spoke to her and I know that in her mind, she heard me.

HOW DO I KNOW?? Listen to this. Every single week, (on a Friday), she would pick me up, we'd go out, have dinner, go to a movie and then we'd go to THREE GUYS FROM BROOKLYN, which is a GIGANTIC PRODUCE STORE.

We'd buy our stuff, she'd bring me home, and we would speak during the week. BUT EVERY WEEK, we would do the THREE GUYS FROM BROOKLYN, shopping expedition.

So years went by, she became ill, and then, one day, she left us.

So one night, I was traveling home from a doctor's visit in New York City. It's quite a trip from New York City to where I live in Brooklyn.

I was thinking of my friend and I started to talk to her in my mind. I said "Gee, Elaine, I do miss you, I miss all our trips, I miss Grandma day, I really miss your friendship. I then nodded off (I was on the Access-a-ride Van.

Well, the van abruptly stopped at a red light. I opened my eyes, and

WHERE DO YOU THINK THE VAN WAS STOPPED IN FRONT OF???

THREE GUYS FROM BROOKLYN Produce Store.

I just looked straight up in the air and said "Hi Elaine. thanks for thinking of me too".

Swear to god, this actually happened. I get goosebumps when I think of it.

What are the odds that that van would stop (on that particular day), on that particular trip, when I was thinking of my friend Elaine,

THAT ...THE VAN WOULD STOP IN FRONT OF THAT PARTICULAR STORE??

I mean, what are the odds.

No, no odds, In my mind, it happened for a reason.

So continue to speak to your grandma, tell her you lover her. And let her sleep if that is what she is doing.

Love, Melody

Melody - Just wanted to let you know my Grandma's name is Elaine, too. Your story gave me hope.

See Holly!!!

There are NO coincidences.

How fascinating.

You keep looking in on your grandma and hold her hand once in a while. She'll know it.

Melody

HUGSSSSS

I know she is with you spirit and soul hun, and you will be in her dreams always and she in yours. Keep the good work you are doing going, but take care of YOU as well hun. we love you, and send you hugssssssssss

The story shared was wonderful... and the same names wow....

My sister who died after long fight of cancer, Madeline, well weeks ago, I was struggling, just the usual hard to keep moving thru these symptoms... but getting a bit down. I fell asleep one night thinking how bad this is.... in my dreams that night, I was crawling on a floor...and saying to noone there I CANT keep up I cant do this ...everything hurts, everything is tough not playing with the kids as much due to this crap....

and what happened next, in my dream... Madeline walked up... and she looked down at me, and said GET UP my RAROO (her nic name for me..I used to say that when I couldnt pronounce my name yet raroo instead of sarah)

Get up my raroo, you are tough and you can go on, I miss you but will see you again soon enough. But live your life the best you can


I woke startled, as the dream was so real thought she was right in my room.... Had to share...Holly memories and signs from our loved ones, either when they are close to death or already passed....she loves you and knows you dear..hugssss,sarah

:hug: Holly :hug: This is normal for her to sleep and it's the process one takes when they are preparing to meet our maker. Just know that she knows your there and you are doing all you can. My grandma did the very same thing, slept so much and then one night she fell asleep and left us. I know that's hard, I know it is. But you are with her, she is with you, and nothing can ever replace that. She's lucky to have you in her final days. :hug:

How are things today, Holly? I know this is very hard for you but you'll have these memories of her.....just her and you together during these final days.....and nothing and nobody can take those from you.

I find that I cherish my memories of my Dad and the days we got to spend together. It was hard to think of them at first but they have become some of the most cherished of memories for me.

I consider myself blessed and so fortunate to have been the one there with him as he left this world and entered another. As sad as that sounds it actually gave me peace knowing that he was safely in the arms of his Lord and I was there with him during that moment.

I hope you're doing okay today....just know that there's lots of us praying for you and Gramdma. :hug:

Thanks everyone! I do hope that someday I can look at this experience as a positive thing, but right now I am struggling to remember what things were like when everything was OK. This is hard. I just hope I have made all of the right decisions for her. I don't want any "what ifs" but I keep having them anyway.

I play everything over and over again in my mind and I don't really think I could have done anything differently. I guess I have to just remember that I have trusted God through this, so how can I question that?

It's funny if I look back to the first post, I was scared about bringing her home and now I feel like it has really been surprisingly easy in so many ways. I wish I had brought her home sooner! I just really wanted to try to get her stronger through the skilled nursing, though.

I was really questioning whether or not we tried hard enough to get her stronger, but her heart wasn't into it. The other day I kept thinking that we gave up on her, but I guess we didn't. She made the decision to stop chemo and she did not want to do any more PT or OT. It wasn't my place to force her. I guess I really did do exactly what she wanted me to do. I brought her home and am letting her do whatever she wants.

When I brought her home, I thought we would be able to get her up in a chair to be with us in the living room, but she really never had the strength to sit up for long. So, I just let her be in bed and we reposition her frequently. I feel so badly that she has pressure sores and for awhile was blaming myself for not moving her more, but she is so thin and is just bones on skin, so the sores really were inevitable. We just keep her comfortable with repositioning her, pillows, the air mattress that hospice brought in, and pain meds.

Today, her eyes are so glassy looking. She looks so far away. I hope she is seeing something wonderful out there wherever she is looking...

That's it in a nutshell, Holl.

With my dad, I was in a constant battle with the five sibs— they wanted me to force him into a nursing home. I kept my promise that I would never make him move, that he would stay home until it was absolutely impossible. I cannot begin to tell you how good it is for me to know that I kept my promise and gave him what he wanted.

I have no regrets and neither shall you. :hug:

well put DM thanks...

Holly more hugsss your way!! Hoping my dads chemo takes care of any what ifs on the cancer!! Not ready either to go thru the letting go again so soon after my sister!! oh my sisters hubby was up this way to camp with friends...he stopped at my store...funny he stopped at my old store then the McDs main store in the new town I work in...finally found me at my walmart location. Nice of him to keep looking haha...

sorry went on my life

just mainly wanted to peek into the thread to send HUGSSS and know that no matter if I am working or home...your Gma is in my prayers... and you are too, hugss,sarah

I had a total epiphany this morning when I was in the shower getting ready for church. I do my best praying and thinking in the shower! I think it was all the prayers and thoughts from you guys and I really feel God sent me a big dose of peace today.

I just realized what I would have told anyone else who was going through this. None of the decisions that I made about Grandma's care could possibly affect the outcome. This is up to God and I now realize that He has determined the course of things.

How could I possibly think that I was responsible for altering the course of her life? He will take her according to His plan and schedule whether or not I decided to do more or less chemo and whether I decided to do more PT or to not put in the feeding tube.

If He wanted her sooner, He would have taken her then. Who was I to think that I was influencing the course of things? I'm kind of chuckling at that thought now. I'm just here working through it one day at a time and hopefully doing an OK job of taking care of things for her. So, really, I now believe that everything is as it should be.

I was sitting in church listening to the readings and since this is the season of Easter, everything is still focused on Jesus' death and resurrection. In one of the readings, there was a line that read "to do whatever thy hand and thy plan had predestined to take place". This was from Acts 4 speaking about how everyone and everything had come together against Jesus in order to crucify him - it was predestined. This was so comforting to hear in a way. The disciples could no more stop or change what was to happen to Jesus than I can do anything to change what will happen with Grandma.

The Psalm today was the 23rd Psalm which is always so peaceful and visual to me. I love the imagery of the green pastures and still waters and of course the most comforting line to me is "though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I shall fear no evil; for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me".

I do not believe in coincidences. I do believe that these readings, the Psalm, and the sermon were all reinforcements of the realization and feeling of overwhelming peace that I had earlier in the morning. I needed to hear those things at this particular time. I feel very OK now.

Amen Holly. :hug:

:hug: Holly :hug:

Your post made me cry.....not sad tears but tears of joy that we don't have the burden of deciding all these things.

Thank you for reminding all of us of this.....you put it incredibly well. :)

Hugsss and glad you had such a wonderful thougths in shower and in church with the reading.. hugss,sarah

Holly, I have been where you are. I have questioned everything I did with my dad. Was I hurting him? Was I doing enough? Was it mean to laugh when he was talking with other people who were not there?

Someone told us when Dad got sick with Alzheimers, you can either laugh through this illness or cry. We chose to laugh.

You brought your grandmother home, to be by loved ones at the end. That is a tremendous act of love.

My dad passed away last Wednesday.
When I chose to put my job on hold and stay with Daddy, I worried if I was doing the right thing. Now, I know it was.

When you talk about your grandmother talking to people or constantly wanting to go to the bathroom, I have to laugh.
My dad talked to everyone imaginable. He even taught my sister and I how to set up a BBQ. Step by step instructions. He talked for over an hour. Explaining which store to buy the meat at. Which butcher to talk too.
I mean down to the last detail. Then at the end he said "Now, push in your chairs and thank you"
He was teaching a class, somewhere back in his past.
I busted out laughing.

He told me one day that His aunt called him Dale. Another aunt called him Dale. Most people called him Dale. A cousin called him Dale until he was older and then she called him Dalford.(that was his middle name)
He went on to tell me someone called him Jim. Another person called him James. He said but most people called him Dale, except when they called him Turdhead.

OMG, I thought I would pee my pants laughing.

He also begged us to let him up to go to the bathroom. We had to put the urinal between his legs, so he would think he was going. He had to fight to keep him in the bed when he needed a commode.

You know what? I would have taken all that back, when he got quiet.

The last two weeks, he was suddenly quiet. I don't think he could speak anymore. I am pretty sure he was blind the last two weeks.
He began to sleep.

It seemed too quiet then. All there was to do then was wait.
Cherish the time she is talking out of her head. She is reliving parts of her life. You get to learn more about her.

Holly, you will not fully understand until she passes, but you have done the right thing. You made all the right decisions. You will cherish the time you had with her.:hug:

DAY

Oh Holly, i'm so sorry I didn't see this sooner
:(. My old cell phone conked out on me so I lost your number! Please call me. I'm praying for you and your family :hug:.

Faith - I am kind of taking time off here and there. I am blessed that my DH is a restaurant manager and works a lot of nights, so he is home during the day when I am at work like right now. On days when he works early, I have to either take off or work from home.

Day - I am so sorry you lost your dad, but also glad his struggle is over. He is at peace, but now you and your relatives have to find some peace here without him. That is the hard part for those that are still here. It is a mix of feelings (relief, grief, depression, etc.). I went through that when my mom died of cancer not quite 3 years ago.

You are so right about the laughing and the talking versus the silence. I have had moments where I busted out laughing, too. We have just really hit the silent part and I don't know what to do or how to act.

The last couple of days, she isn't answering anymore even when she is awake. She sleeps most of the time, but the scary part is when she is awake and seems distressed, but can't tell me what is going on. I think she is losing her vision, too, just like your dad.

Joelle - I will try and give you a call soon.



Last night, she was sleeping a lot, so I took my laptop into her room and played on Facebook for a long time so I was there with her. Everyone says to talk to her and read to her and things like that even when she is out of it, but I just have trouble with that. I am just not able to do that without losing it and I don't think it will help her to have me sitting there sobbing. So, we are just in there a lot and the kids come in and out and talk to me and say hi to her. She doesn't respond, but sometimes will open her eyes.

Every morning, I get up amazed that she is still alive. She has had virtually no nutrition for a long time now. We had to unhook the feeding pump a week or so ago as she became unable to tolerate the continuous feeding through the tube. They told us to just do comfort foods and to push some of the enteral nutrition liquid into the tube from time to time. She became quickly unable to handle the feedings and the last time she was able to even eat some ice cream was a couple of days ago.

Holly,

The dehydration part was really hard to watch. Especially for my mom. To her, she NEEDED to feed him. By this point he was aspirating on just a tiny bit of water.

Hospice kept saying that the need to eat and drink stops. How they know that, I have no clue.
My dad went 1 week with no nutrition prior to death.

Holly, I know it's hard to talk to her when she seems so unaware. Hospice kept telling us that the hearing is the last thing to go. So I would tell Daddy what the weather was like. I would tell him what was going on in the house. I would tell him what my mom was doing, because he always wanted to know where she was.
You could just read to her off your face book. Just things like "Kasey is on her way to school." You could read from a book. Anything to make noise.
We played my dad's favorite CD's a lot.

Holly, anytime you are scared or unsure, call hospice. They will come out.
Don't worry about if you are bothering them. That is their job.
The nurse came out many times just to reassure us.

I guess I found it easier to know what to expect. What to look for.
I will send you a private message with some info.

My thoughts and prayers are with you always.

DAY

Just wanted to thank you all and let you know that Grandma is at peace. She died at 11:32 last night. We had called hospice to come over because she was really struggling to breathe. Yesterday she was really totally unresponsive all day, but I know she could hear because she did react to sounds. At one point I hugged her and stroked her face and told her it was OK to go. I told her to say hi from me to my Mom, Grandpa and Uncle Doc when she gets there.

I just can't quite believe she is gone now. I walk past her room and she isn't there. I miss her so much.

(((((((Holly)))))))) I am so sorry for you loss. I know this time has been precious. She is at peace.

http://dl6.glitter-graphics.net/pub/...r38avk52q0.jpg

:hug: Holly :hug:

I'm so sorry. I'm so glad you got to spend the time you did with her. Take care of yourself.....and allow yourself time to grieve.

I am sorry for your loss. What a wonderful gift you gave your grandmother, to pass surrounded by those that loved her.

Holly, I am so sorry. But I want you to know you were wonderful through all of this and I am honored you let us take the journey with you. :hug:

Hi Hon!!
Believe it or not, you have more compassion, more soul, more empathy, than many people that I know. You did good my dear.

She's watching!! Always know that.

Be at peace.

here's a hug

:hug:

Love, Melody

Holly, I hope I have strong children or grandchildren like you by my side when I pass... you did a great wonderful job of it...you take good care of you now, grieving is hard, but a neccessary part of losing a loved one... we are here for you dear..hugsss,sarah

Holly,

I'm so sorry for your loss. :hug: :hug: :hug: You're such a wonderful granddaughter for all you've done for your grandma. She's not in pain anymore and in a much better place. I'll keep you all in my prayers. :hug:

Holly, I am so sorry. I know it hurts. You said it best. She is at Peace now.
Keep that close to your heart and let it give you peace. That is what I keep holding on too when I think of my dad. I think of how peaceful he looked after struggling to breathe for days.

I'm sorry I wasn't online to be here for you today. I got pulled in so many directions. I have thought about you all day long, thinking I needed to get online to see how you were doing.

You will have moments when you forget. I still do. I drive up my mom's driveway and look at the window to see if someone is by his bed. Then I remember he isn't here anymore.
My sister is pregnant and having the baby Monday. I will think "I'll stay with Daddy while Mom goes to the hospital." Then I remember.

My heart is breaking for you right now. The loss is so close right now.
I wish I had more words of comfort and wisdom, but I don't.
I know times heals the hurt. I'm waiting for that. You will be too.
The memories will always be there.

I love you like a sister Holly. I'm so sorry you have to feel this hurt now, but your grandmothers hurting is over. That is something to be thankful for.

I have to work tomorrow, but will be home by 3pm. I will check on your then.

Love ya girl
DAY