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oh Holly. I am so very touched by what you have done and what you are doing. Your love for your grandmother is definitely what will get you through this "long goodbye." It is a gift to her.:hug:

She loves you as much as you love her.

Quote:

Originally Posted by hollym (Post 499991)

I'm freaking out. She is completely out of her mind right now. She is not making any sense, she is talking to people who aren't there (my Grandpa, her cousin), seeing things, can't remember that she is immobile and forgets that she has a catheter.

She keeps telling me over and over that she has to get up to pee and I keep reminding her that she has a catheter. This is every five minutes! She has had a catheter for about 2 months now, but suddenly she doesn't know.

The scariest part is that she gets mad at me because I don't understand what she is looking for. Is she going to die thinking I'm mean because I won't take her to the bathroom to pee? This is by far the most disturbing part of this. It's just not fair for someone to suffer so much. I had to leave the room because I just couldn't take it.

Hon. She's probably having a series of mini-strokes right now. And no, please don't think you are being mean, and I'm sure, that if she were in her right mind, she would know that you love her.

You have to be strong and realize that her mind is going. She sounds a great deal like the 90 year old who used to live across the street from me. She would be on the porch in her wheelchair and she would look up and have conversations with the air. We later found out that she had a string of mini-strokes.

Is there a professional on her case? A social worker, or a case manager?? or SOMEONE WHO CAN GIVE YOU SOME ANSWERS.

It's a lot to have on your shoulders.

Keep us informed okay? We are here for you.

Melody

Holly, she will remember the loving granddaughter you have been to her and are today as well. Just be there for her as you have been doing now. I went through some of the same with my dad before I lost him. These will be memories for you to keep in your heart. Just hang in there.

My prayers and thoughts are with you and your grandmother.:hug:

Quote:

Originally Posted by Darlene (Post 500054)

Well said, Dar, and ditto with my dad.

Holly, she knows the truth in her heart and it will carry on within her and within you. I'm thankful that she has you looking out for her. :hug:

She is definately going to remember what a wonderful, loving grandaughter
you are....illness doesnt change that.

:hug::hug::hug: to you Holly, it isnt easy but you are doing what you
have to do because you love her so very much:hug::hug::hug:

:hug: Holly :hug: I hope you can get someone from Hospice to come over and give you a hand. I went through much the same thing with my Dad....but he was in the hospice facility and I had help within minutes if I needed it. They were wonderful and explained things to me about the final stages of life that I had never known.

Your Grandma will not recall these days of confusion. She doesn't think you are being mean. Please don't dwell on that....believe me she knows who has been there for her. And that's you.

You're both in my prayers. This is such a difficult thing to go through but I'm so thankful that you are there for her. :hug:

Thanks, everyone. :grouphug:

It was just so overwhelming last night. I don't mind so much her talking to people who aren't there, but the part about begging me to take her to the bathroom was too much. Maybe I will call the hospice social worker.

It's funny, when she was talking to my Grandpa, I was hoping that he was really there. It made me feel kind of peaceful to think that Grandpa could be there talking to her.

:hug::hug::hug::hug:

Holly, I can't add much that hasn't already been said.

Pain meds can cause this too. My brother was on morphine. At the higher doses, he was not making much sense. It's a fine line. Takes so much to get rid of pain, but a bit more and he was out there.

Hang in there sweets. :hug:

Hang in there, I recall with my sister there was a few times, where yes she was lost and confused... and that goes with the situation. She knows you are there for her, you are doing wonderful hun...

Hey, I feel maybe your grandfather is talking back to her, you never know... and that does seem peaceful doesnt it?? they are close, and you are close with them....keep the spirit up hun... you are strong!!

hugsss and god bless you, sarah

She was very lucid yesterday. Even to the point where she knew she had been seeing things. I told her next time she sees Grandpa to please tell him I miss him. She liked that one! I asked her how he looked and she said he looked good.

I know it sounds weird, but I really hope he is really there with her. I am a little jealous, though, if he is there that I can't see him, too. I'd really love to see him again. I still wear his wedding ring on a chain every day. After he passed, I had it bent into a heart shape and had his name and 1913 - 1994 engraved on the inside.

This morning, she asked me "where did Al go?" (Al is my Grandpa). I told her he died about 15 years ago and she doesn't remember that now. She got really confused about that - it was pretty obvious to me that she thought he had just been in the room. She hadn't even had any pain meds since last night, either.

I told her it was OK that it was because of the cancer and being near the end of life, that she was seeing him more either because he was actually there for her or because her memories of him were becoming stronger. She seemed reassured by that.