Holly, with my dad we sometimes turned on the tv. Most of the time we turned on the radio. Played my dads favorite Alan Jackson CD's.

The main thing at this point is that she is comfortable. If she is comfortable, don't feel bad if you need to do something else in the house. We would clean house, talk. Sometimes mom would take a nap while I went to the store for things that were needed.

You have to take care of you too.


DAY

Hi Holly:

I was with my friend (age 57) when she was at the end stages of her life. I went there knowing she would not recognize me. Her 82 year old mother was standing in front of her bed and she just spoke to her. Then she administered morphine from a little dropper. I gather she was authorized to do this. My friend would just whimper a bit in her sleep but she never woke up. They had a hospital bed put downstairs in the living room and her friends would drop in from time to time (I mean the friends who were able to see her this way), Some of them couldn't take it.

I never thought of not going. I knew her mother needed the support and I just took the Access-a-ride bus and took myself over there.

Our friendship began over 20 years ago, and when she became a grandma, she would watch the kids on Tuesday. So I went there every single tuesday, and I would take the 3 month old, and she would have the 2 year old, and we played choo choo and all sorts of great stuff that babies and toddlers love to do. I had other friends living on that block, and they too were grandmas, so we'd have grandma day. Since I wasn't a grandma, I was able to be a PRETEND GRANDMA for the day. Best experience I ever had.

But my friend became ill, and it lasted over 2 years. We still got together and did our shopping.

That last day I was with her, I held her hand and spoke to her and I know that in her mind, she heard me.

HOW DO I KNOW?? Listen to this. Every single week, (on a Friday), she would pick me up, we'd go out, have dinner, go to a movie and then we'd go to THREE GUYS FROM BROOKLYN, which is a GIGANTIC PRODUCE STORE.

We'd buy our stuff, she'd bring me home, and we would speak during the week. BUT EVERY WEEK, we would do the THREE GUYS FROM BROOKLYN, shopping expedition.

So years went by, she became ill, and then, one day, she left us.

So one night, I was traveling home from a doctor's visit in New York City. It's quite a trip from New York City to where I live in Brooklyn.

I was thinking of my friend and I started to talk to her in my mind. I said "Gee, Elaine, I do miss you, I miss all our trips, I miss Grandma day, I really miss your friendship. I then nodded off (I was on the Access-a-ride Van.

Well, the van abruptly stopped at a red light. I opened my eyes, and

WHERE DO YOU THINK THE VAN WAS STOPPED IN FRONT OF???

THREE GUYS FROM BROOKLYN Produce Store.

I just looked straight up in the air and said "Hi Elaine. thanks for thinking of me too".

Swear to god, this actually happened. I get goosebumps when I think of it.

What are the odds that that van would stop (on that particular day), on that particular trip, when I was thinking of my friend Elaine,

THAT ...THE VAN WOULD STOP IN FRONT OF THAT PARTICULAR STORE??

I mean, what are the odds.

No, no odds, In my mind, it happened for a reason.

So continue to speak to your grandma, tell her you lover her. And let her sleep if that is what she is doing.

Love, Melody

Melody - Just wanted to let you know my Grandma's name is Elaine, too. Your story gave me hope.

See Holly!!!

There are NO coincidences.

How fascinating.

You keep looking in on your grandma and hold her hand once in a while. She'll know it.

Melody

HUGSSSSS

I know she is with you spirit and soul hun, and you will be in her dreams always and she in yours. Keep the good work you are doing going, but take care of YOU as well hun. we love you, and send you hugssssssssss

The story shared was wonderful... and the same names wow....

My sister who died after long fight of cancer, Madeline, well weeks ago, I was struggling, just the usual hard to keep moving thru these symptoms... but getting a bit down. I fell asleep one night thinking how bad this is.... in my dreams that night, I was crawling on a floor...and saying to noone there I CANT keep up I cant do this ...everything hurts, everything is tough not playing with the kids as much due to this crap....

and what happened next, in my dream... Madeline walked up... and she looked down at me, and said GET UP my RAROO (her nic name for me..I used to say that when I couldnt pronounce my name yet raroo instead of sarah)

Get up my raroo, you are tough and you can go on, I miss you but will see you again soon enough. But live your life the best you can


I woke startled, as the dream was so real thought she was right in my room.... Had to share...Holly memories and signs from our loved ones, either when they are close to death or already passed....she loves you and knows you dear..hugssss,sarah

:hug: Holly :hug: This is normal for her to sleep and it's the process one takes when they are preparing to meet our maker. Just know that she knows your there and you are doing all you can. My grandma did the very same thing, slept so much and then one night she fell asleep and left us. I know that's hard, I know it is. But you are with her, she is with you, and nothing can ever replace that. She's lucky to have you in her final days. :hug:

How are things today, Holly? I know this is very hard for you but you'll have these memories of her.....just her and you together during these final days.....and nothing and nobody can take those from you.

I find that I cherish my memories of my Dad and the days we got to spend together. It was hard to think of them at first but they have become some of the most cherished of memories for me.

I consider myself blessed and so fortunate to have been the one there with him as he left this world and entered another. As sad as that sounds it actually gave me peace knowing that he was safely in the arms of his Lord and I was there with him during that moment.

I hope you're doing okay today....just know that there's lots of us praying for you and Gramdma. :hug:

Thanks everyone! I do hope that someday I can look at this experience as a positive thing, but right now I am struggling to remember what things were like when everything was OK. This is hard. I just hope I have made all of the right decisions for her. I don't want any "what ifs" but I keep having them anyway.

I play everything over and over again in my mind and I don't really think I could have done anything differently. I guess I have to just remember that I have trusted God through this, so how can I question that?

It's funny if I look back to the first post, I was scared about bringing her home and now I feel like it has really been surprisingly easy in so many ways. I wish I had brought her home sooner! I just really wanted to try to get her stronger through the skilled nursing, though.

I was really questioning whether or not we tried hard enough to get her stronger, but her heart wasn't into it. The other day I kept thinking that we gave up on her, but I guess we didn't. She made the decision to stop chemo and she did not want to do any more PT or OT. It wasn't my place to force her. I guess I really did do exactly what she wanted me to do. I brought her home and am letting her do whatever she wants.

When I brought her home, I thought we would be able to get her up in a chair to be with us in the living room, but she really never had the strength to sit up for long. So, I just let her be in bed and we reposition her frequently. I feel so badly that she has pressure sores and for awhile was blaming myself for not moving her more, but she is so thin and is just bones on skin, so the sores really were inevitable. We just keep her comfortable with repositioning her, pillows, the air mattress that hospice brought in, and pain meds.

Today, her eyes are so glassy looking. She looks so far away. I hope she is seeing something wonderful out there wherever she is looking...

That's it in a nutshell, Holl.

With my dad, I was in a constant battle with the five sibs— they wanted me to force him into a nursing home. I kept my promise that I would never make him move, that he would stay home until it was absolutely impossible. I cannot begin to tell you how good it is for me to know that I kept my promise and gave him what he wanted.

I have no regrets and neither shall you. :hug: