I initially applied for SSDI nearly 3 years ago. My main disabling conditions are major depressive disorder, severe, recurrent w/ psychotic features and social phobia. I also have sleep apnea, obesity, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, diabetes and foot/ankle pain when walking or standing for long periods of time. I was initially denied and appealed. I was also denied after a hearing.

I started out with a very supportive therapist. She is the one who encouraged me to apply. She also helped me get Medicaid disability when I lived in Indiana. She eventually moved on to another position so I had to get a different therapist who was supportive, but not quite as much so. I received psychiatric meds, but usually by nurse practitioners and there was often much turnover.

Earlier this year, I moved to Oregon. The only friends I have left were moving there and asked me to move with them. My therapist and my mom encouraged me to move so that I would have some support. They are letting me live with them free of rent in exchange for pet sitting and light household chores. I had to get a new therapist and a new lawyer.

My lawyer is currently working to try to get me another hearing. She called me a week ago and, after talking to my new therapist, suggested I find someone else. She said the therapist refused to give her opinion about my ability to work. The therapist said she believes it is unethical for her to do so. The lawyer also said that she had "one good report" by one of my therapists but that the rest of the reports were less helpful.

I'm calling around tomorrow to try to find a new therapist. I'm currently taking an experimental anti-depressant that hasn't been working well. When I started I didn't have insurance so the experimental program was free and even pays me which is why I signed up. The lawyer said the PhD at the study is being somewhat helpful, but she wasn't real reassuring about it. I have since been approved for the state's standard medicaid program and am awaiting to hear about my disability medicaid application.

I only leave my apartment for doctor and therapy appointments, to get groceries and to walk the dogs. I interact minimally with the roommates I live with and with my mom by phone every couple of weeks but have no other social interaction (and don't want any). I often have suicidal thoughts, feel hopeless and worthless. I have insomnia and a lack of interest in almost anything. I spend most of my days in my bedroom. I have been hospitalized twice in the past for suicidal ideation and a suicide attempt. I get food stamps for the moment but I think there is a work requirement. My friends have said they don't think they can help with food and I can't bring myself to ask my mom for help in that department as our relationship is tenuous.

I'm scared about looking for a new therapist and scared that they won't be supportive of my disability case. With the exception of my first therapist, people often get weird about social security disability. I'm scared about looking like I'm "shopping" for a supportive therapist and scared that a new therapist won't be supportive.

I don't know what I'll do if I don't get approved and I'm struggling just to stay around to get to the next step.

Anybody from the Portland, Oregon area have any leads on supportive therapists/agencies that take medicaid?

I am not from Oregon, but I want to say that I feel for you and your situation. I am on SSDI for Bipolar disorder, OCD, borderline personality disorder, social anxiety disorder...and some other thing....I know how scared you feel as I was in the same boat. It sounds to me like you should have been approved. I am not an expert, but there are some people on here that really know their stuff and have been very helpful with all kinds of information. I think I know what you mean as far as shopping for a therapist ...I wanted someone who would believe that I have real problems and I wanted real help. I was lucky to find someone I really liked. I saw her for a year or so and she left her practice to become a teacher. I see another one now and I like her too. I have only gone to her twice, but she seems to be nice and she is helpful.
Don't settle for a therapist that you don't think will believe you...you may have to shop around.
Do you have a psychiatrist?
I am sorry I have no advise...I hope everything works out for you!!!!! Prayers to you!

Thank you for your kind thoughts.

I see a PhD Clinical Psychologist for the anti-depressant study. I saw a nurse practitioner at the same agency that I was seeing this last therapist, but just found out she was moved to a different location so I wouldn't be seeing her anymore if I stay at this agency. I'm leaning towards going to a new agency altogether.

Your lawyer doesn't have any suggestions of who might be good to go to??

I sent her an e-mail asking just that, but I haven't heard back from her yet. With the holiday last week, I imagine she had a short week. Hopefully I'll hear back from her soon.

Hi Chaddiwicker, I have a few questions if you don't mind. Have you been able to work at all during your life? Does your attorney have all the hospitals you have been admitted to and doctors you have seen ? Were you turned down for a reconsideration or by the appeals council? If you answer me back I may be able to answer your question better. From what I have read your case does not sound hopeless, your attorney may not be the right person for your case.
In the mean time there is a great thread on this site for people like you who suffer from depression and suicidal thoughts, please go there for support, they are all really great people and help a lot. Alfie is one of the posters and is really helpful. Please get back to me. Be strong and never give up. What may look hopeless today may be triumph tomorrow.

hi, I feel for you to. I have my hearing on monday and im scared. I seem to have a pretty good lawer though. i first applied for fybromyalgia but when my lawer found out im seeing a psychiatrist for bipolar he very quickly gave me papers to have my dr fill out for bipolar. I didnt know after appling for fybro that he could change it but he said this isnt like going in for child support or something. this is totally different and you can go in with other things to your hearing so im glad cause i didnt have very much info on fybro. but as far as your situation im not there either and dont know much but I do know I was told seeing a psychiatrist is very important in a disability case for mental issues. I would suggest you find one of these drs. I wish you all the luck and my prayers are with you. it does sound like you need to be on disability so dont give up and start seeing a dr soon!

When filing for SSI/SSDI, it is very important to list every medical issue you have, even if that is not your primary problem. The Administrative Law Judge (ALJ) will examine your total medical situation. For example, if you just have fibromyalgia, the ALJ may think you can work if properly medicated; however, because you also have bipolar disorder, that makes your situation more complicated. Each medical problem you have is like a piece to a jig saw puzzle. Until the ALJ has all the pieces (medical problems) and puts them together, he is not able to see your picture clearly. Another thing to keep in mind is that Fibromyalgia is a fairly recent medical diagnosis and many ALJ's aren't that familiar with it; however, bipolar disorder is something that many ALJs know more about. I also know that people who are bipolar also have other mental diagnoses such as depression and anxiety which adds to the bigger picture. I'm not assuming this, but you probably are somewhat depressed and anxious due to being in constant pain from Fibromyalgia.

I do hope your hearing went well and that your lawyer briefed you before-hand on what to expect. Having a good lawyer for the disability process is just as important as having a good doctor help you with your medical problems. In this case, the two need to work hand-in-hand to get you approved for SSI/SSDI. If you receive that, not only will you gain some financial support but also qualify for Medicare which will help with the cost of your medical care. Once you get approved, be patient because it does take a couple of months for Social Security to process your back pay. Also, your lawyer fee will be taken out of your back pay and sent directly to your attorney provided you signed a document allowing the Social Security Administration to do that. However, do not be surprised if you receive a bill from your attorney for out-of-pocket expenses such as copies, postage, medical records costs, etc. If you do receive a bill from the attorney, make sure it is itemized and does not include costs for the attorney doing any work on your behalf. The attorney may and can bill you for his paralegal's time and you should have been informed of the hourly cost up front for that.