First, hello.

Um, I had my ALJ hearing, 3 years after my first try. I'm trying to be happy about it but I just can't get the way it went down out of my head. It's kind of upsetting and makes me down right mad at times when I think about it.

I went into the hearing expecting nothing but another "Sorry guy, you're a 33 yo male with a HSD and two years of tech school, there's something out there you can do." The same thing I have heard time and time again since I first tried for ssi.

But that's not what happened. I sat down, we put all our names on the record, my attorney went down the list of my problums. Class 3 heart failure and everything that comes with it, the leg swelling, the exhaustion, the low activity levels, the fact that I can't stay awake more then a few hours at a time without a rest. Took about 3 minutes all together.

The judge turned to me and asked "So, how you feelin?" I looked up and said, "Bad, been feelin bad since 2009 when I had my bypass, I don't think it did any good and I just keep geting worse."

Now, this is about the time my attorney pulled out the check list questions we had went over the day before in his office. But the judge leans back in his chair, puts his hands behind his head and says, "Well I don't think I need to hear any more testimony. Bill, do you have anything for this young man to do?" Bill said "Nope."

The judge said, "Ok then, the on set date is fine with me. Nothing is set in stone till all the paperwork is done but I'm allowed to give you a verbal yes or no. So, I'm finding you disabled as of date/time/etc." Mr attorney, do you have anything you'd like to add in closing?"

Me and my attorney just kinda looked at echother, he raised his right hand in kind of a "Wtf?" gesture and said, "Thanks?" The judge said, "No problum, you two have a nice day."

Now, leaving, I was happy, I think I even cried a bit in the parking lot, finaly. I can finaly stop trying to work through the pain, through the feeling of suffacating, geting fired from one job after another cause I can't make the times or I'm alway in the hospital. FINALY!!!....right?

But on the way home I got to thinking..... 3 years. 3 years of letdowns, wondering how I was gona make it if I didn't get it. 3 years of selling off everyting I owned. The house, the car, having to move back in with my parents at 33 because I couldn't work enough to pay for a place of my own, even lost a girlfriend over it.

3 years came down to, "How ya ******* feelin."? Are you ******* kidding me?
What was the 3 years for? I want 3 years of my life back. I just can't believe it.

Anyone else had this happen? Would you be mad or just happy that it's over?
I'm not sure how I should feel. I dunno if this is an actual question, or just a rant, or a vent.... I don't know. I looked up how many cases were approved in my state last year. 23%. How many cases were approved at the ALJ level 7%. I should feel lucky. But I can't get over how mad it makes me when I think about what it all came down to.

"How ya feelin?"

ARGH!