First, hello.

Um, I had my ALJ hearing, 3 years after my first try. I'm trying to be happy about it but I just can't get the way it went down out of my head. It's kind of upsetting and makes me down right mad at times when I think about it.

I went into the hearing expecting nothing but another "Sorry guy, you're a 33 yo male with a HSD and two years of tech school, there's something out there you can do." The same thing I have heard time and time again since I first tried for ssi.

But that's not what happened. I sat down, we put all our names on the record, my attorney went down the list of my problums. Class 3 heart failure and everything that comes with it, the leg swelling, the exhaustion, the low activity levels, the fact that I can't stay awake more then a few hours at a time without a rest. Took about 3 minutes all together.

The judge turned to me and asked "So, how you feelin?" I looked up and said, "Bad, been feelin bad since 2009 when I had my bypass, I don't think it did any good and I just keep geting worse."

Now, this is about the time my attorney pulled out the check list questions we had went over the day before in his office. But the judge leans back in his chair, puts his hands behind his head and says, "Well I don't think I need to hear any more testimony. Bill, do you have anything for this young man to do?" Bill said "Nope."

The judge said, "Ok then, the on set date is fine with me. Nothing is set in stone till all the paperwork is done but I'm allowed to give you a verbal yes or no. So, I'm finding you disabled as of date/time/etc." Mr attorney, do you have anything you'd like to add in closing?"

Me and my attorney just kinda looked at echother, he raised his right hand in kind of a "Wtf?" gesture and said, "Thanks?" The judge said, "No problum, you two have a nice day."

Now, leaving, I was happy, I think I even cried a bit in the parking lot, finaly. I can finaly stop trying to work through the pain, through the feeling of suffacating, geting fired from one job after another cause I can't make the times or I'm alway in the hospital. FINALY!!!....right?

But on the way home I got to thinking..... 3 years. 3 years of letdowns, wondering how I was gona make it if I didn't get it. 3 years of selling off everyting I owned. The house, the car, having to move back in with my parents at 33 because I couldn't work enough to pay for a place of my own, even lost a girlfriend over it.

3 years came down to, "How ya ******* feelin."? Are you ******* kidding me?
What was the 3 years for? I want 3 years of my life back. I just can't believe it.

Anyone else had this happen? Would you be mad or just happy that it's over?
I'm not sure how I should feel. I dunno if this is an actual question, or just a rant, or a vent.... I don't know. I looked up how many cases were approved in my state last year. 23%. How many cases were approved at the ALJ level 7%. I should feel lucky. But I can't get over how mad it makes me when I think about what it all came down to.

"How ya feelin?"

ARGH!

it took me ove 2 years to get a hearing and basically the hearing came down to onset date. once i agreed to move it 7 months later than i had filed i was approved by the alj. The alj was looking at a test i had done on that date that came back positive.

I can understand how you feel, its natural to be aggravated but when you are ready, forget about it and move on. there will be more challenges ahead in life and they keep coming. i wouldnt complain to anyone outside this board, because people are just not going to understand and some of them will think you shouldnt have gotten anything. i find its best just to keep the fact im on disability to myself. its really no one else's business.

Don't assume the ALJ hadn't looked through your records extensively beforehand. If your functional limitations were documented well (and this often happens right before you see an ALJ) then it can become very obvious that you qualify.

Now that you have insurance again, you might want to consider seeing a therapist. The SSD process is a difficult thing to have gone through, but being permanently disabled is no picnic either...

Good luck.

Yes, this same type of thing happened to me. I was turned down several times and at the same level, at my hearing without further much ado approved me. Little was asked, little was said. However during the four year wait, I lost everthing two generations had saved for. I had no health insurance and fell apart. There was even an auction of my work to cover the cost of my first spinal fusion. The stress of watching everything disolve cost me even more with my health conditions. I was glad I got the ruling, but I was financially ruined. I will now loose my home, as the money that My folks and I saved for is gone. It was to be used to pay my Taxes on this homesomething I no longer can do. So in the end, unless I find a way out of this mess, I will also loose my home. My home is in a trust. I was not allowed to keep any of the monies that benefited me in any way. Yes, this happens, and you feel sick over it. I sold everything of value I had too, to stay where I am. There is nothing left. I am sorry that our system in this country forces a person into poverty. I am sorry this happened to you as such a young age. I was 55 when this happened. Those four years, took everything. What remains as benefits will not keep me in my home. We are not alone in this, and you have every right to rage over this. I worked 30 years to be reduced to what is a very sad situation, emotionally and physically. I will keep you in my prayers too. ginnie

How do you move on when everything you had worked for is gone? I am bitter over it.

we know how you feel.me and a lady that use to be here help me do this "posting"hope this may help you friend...

http://neurotalk.psychcentral.com/thread142636.html

Ginnie i dont blame you for being bitter. im po'd myself for the large amount of back pay i lost by having to change my onset date to get a favorable decision. I didnt lose everything like you did. i cant tell you what to feel. in that post i wrote to faded design when he was ready to let it go. only the person involved knows when that is possible. the future is scary, i feel that also.

ultimately however we all have to keep on putting one foot in front of the other and put it all in the rear view mirror. the alternative isnt good.

Hi echoes, just to be understood by another human being helps alot. I worked as so many of us do, all that I could in life. I did my best. It wasn't good enough to protect myself from this senerio I find myself in. Yes I put one food in front of the other, as I don't want the alternative, but my steps are heavy. I do pray for all of us who go through experences that hurt. Thank you for your post. take care of yourself, ginnie

Its obvious the system doesn't care about you, your health, your money, your house, your dependent children. Thats why they jerk you around during the 2 levels of acceptance before seeing an ALJ. My MRI showed 3 herniated discs, 4 bulging discs, Neural Foraminal stenosis, sciatica, facet arthropathy, loss of disc space at L5-S1, & L4-5 neurogenic claudication, hell even the doctor that SSD examiners sent me to told them I was disabled ( which is a report they decided not to use) both shoulders replaced, nerve damage from the left shoulder replacement from the surgery,and yet they are STILL telling me that I can do light duty work. The carpenters union granted me disability pension right away. But yet I have seen other people with much less disabilities to their back get SSD on their first try. Its a screwed up system that needs to be overhauled.

True, but it should have been obvious the first time, if it was obvious enough to not need any testimony then it shouldn't have went that far. It's like my file was marked with "Disabled, but see how long he can make it before he gives up."

Ginnie, I hope you find a way to make it out of your situation ok.

Oldcarp, That about sums it up. I don't think you could describe it any better. And what you said about people with lesser problums get approved and you dont, I know what you mean, I'm a diesel mechanic by trade. After I had my first major heart attack at 25, I just couldn't do it anymore. The parts are too heavy and I couldn't strain enough to get a 1600lb transmition into a freightliner without ending up in the hospital. So after about 3 or 4 hospital stays and another attack, I finaly got fired. I found a few other wrench turning jobs, had a good one with Yellow freight as the lot mechanic, just light work, lights, ac's, trailer patching, etc. etc.

But after a few years my A-fib got bad enough sometimes I'd just pass out. Passed out on a ladder trying to replace a front box light. That about ended my stint as a mechanic. Took a job as a teller at a liquor store, no hard work, just standing there, taking money, hitting buttons. But we found out about 2009 that my heart couldn't pump the blood out of my legs fast enough, so I ended up with blood clots int he legs, which ended up in my heart, causing another attack.....I'm rambling, sorry.

Point of the story is, We did check cashing at the liquor store. Every month I'd cash this 22-23 year olds disability check. He'd come in 1 weekend a month, cash his check, buy 6 or 7 30 packs of bud light and 10 bags of ice cause they go fishing for the weekend down at the lake once a month. I finaly asked him about his check and why he got it. He said, "Oh, I got ADD".

...... I was like, huh? I'm standing here leaning on the counter cause I don't have the energy to stand by myself, I can hardly breathe at this point, I still have 4 hours to go till I'm off and I'll be here tomorrow doing the same thing and this guy is on disability because he has trouble focusing?

How do you fish for a weekend without paying attention to your pole? Honestly....

Anyway, every time I got a letter saying I wasn't disabled I'd get more and more **** off at that kid.

I'd go over it in my head all the time. He can't focus - I have the heart of a 92 year old. I'm fine, but he's not? The hell?

I agree with you man, it seems like the people that need it don't get it, the people that just want a free ride end up geting it.