Hello everyone,
First off, I am BRAND NEW HERE TO THE FORUM.................this is my FIRST POST...........

I hope it is in the right place!! I am so glad this forum is here to help and I thank you all in advance for taking the time to read this.

I am having terrible anxiety worrying about the" CDR" that social security does. I JUST got my 1st SSDI payment a few days ago and already I am worried about the "CDR" and possibly loosing my much needed benefits.

I KNOW this is all part of this anxiety!! I hate it, but want to express my concerns in the hopes to try to settle down a bit.... again, thank you all for reading my post and please feel free to reply with any advice !! especially if you have the same or similar problem and how you are dealing with it......

Well, to start off I have GAD( extremely severe anxiety) I also have severe spinal stenosis and IBS. and chronic insomnia, I have struggled with it for years and it has just become absolutely unbearable I just could not take it anymore and daily functioning on many days is a extreme challenge. So 18 months ago I finally decided to file for SSDI.

My anxiety has me very worried about the CDR"S that SSDI will do. I am set to get one anywhere within the next 6 to 18 months.

My ALJ recommended my 1st "CDR" to be performed within 12 months of his fully favorable decision. That "fully favorable decision" was May 15 of 2014.

I am already worrying about it and I just got my 1st SSDI check.

Let me start by saying I really have issues!! I am not scamming and not faking I certainly would prefer to work if I could, but my anxiety is so bad I literally panic and find it unbearable.Even daily activities can be a struggle on many days.

I have had the same career with the same company in the medical sales and service industry for over 20 years, over the last 2 years we bought out a competitor and with that came many changes, a whole lot more pressure, and this is where I noticed the anxiety becoming more prevalent.

The much increased work load just made things very stressful. One example,we traded our company mini vans in due to the increased business and started driving 26 foot international box trucks. I almost had a severe accident from a panic attack that could have killed all involved this happened on a busy freeway in a large city.

There are many other "issues" that contributed to the breakdown of my ability to work, the acquisition of our competitor and switching to large trucks was just one instance. My co workers and managers also noticed that I had coping and listening ( comprehending) problems and not being able to focus, as well as forgetting procedures due to getting so "wound up."

I have severe pack pain and bulging discs and narrowing of the spine and my work required all the physical demands of pushing, pulling, lifting,squatting and stooping and on occasion unloading 100"s of items from semi-trucks that weigh 40 to 300 lbs each. Due to a recent MRI I was told that I can "no longer" do those activities. I am now only able to to "light work." My career is no longer a option to return to and it is all I have done for 20+ years. and my skills are "non-transferable" to "other work" because what I did was so specialized.

I had many stressful work related things that "built up" and got many panic attacks BUT ONE DAY I had a attack of panic that was so bad I went to the hospital and from there on I was taken out of work from the doctor and I have been unable to cope and was unable from that day forward able to return to work. I saw no way out but to file for SSDI.

Over the years I earned between $45,000 to $67,000 a year, so a $1300.00 disability check is in no way a welcome trade!! not to mention a career I loved now gone! I much prefer to work if I could but I am so wound up with issues I just cant. I get so nervous even trying to work!!

A few months ago I tried working as a consultant for a medical company as a independent 1099 representative but I literally had nights of no sleep and days of severe cramps and anxiety! I was overwhelmed with what I was doing I had to stop. I wanted to and still want to do what I can to work but I get all worked up and loose sleep, get nervous, very bad cramps and panic attacks!! it is really a horrible cycle that I despise.

I see a psychiatrist and psychologist regularity and take many medications. My goal is to hopefully work again But I am not sure if that is possible and that makes me worry alot!!!

When my SSDI review comes and IF I do not get better if they don't renew me I would be in a huge mess!!

If I improve I would love to go back and work but am at this point apprehensive, fearful and worry that I might not get better!!

TRUST ME YOU WOULD HAVE TO BE CRAZY TO PREFER TO LIVE ON SSDI INSTEAD OF BEING PRODUCTIVE AND WORKING!! I HAD A GREAT CAREER AND NOW IT IS GONE DUE TO MY BACK, ANXIETY AND IBS....

I just worry and I know its ridiculous!! as I JUST got approved and my 1st check was just received!!! I have a while until a review

also I am a 50 year old male I filed for SSDI at age 49 I was originally DENIED, but upon appeal with a attorney I was approved. The process took a total of 18 months to finally get my 1st check. Thank you all for reading my post...