I handle it one day at a time. A lot of people in chronic pain just aren't the same people we used to be. How we've adapted?... any way we can - whatever it takes. Any/all future plans are tentative. I don't make promises I can't keep, so I don't make promises anymore.

Between chronic pain and all the associate crap that goes along with it, clocks/time don't mean much anymore. I don't think I'll ever reach that grief stage of "acceptance", but I have accepted dealing with erratic scheduling. I didn't sleep last night, so I'll sleep when I'm ready. I try to go to sleep and wake up at regular times, but if it doesn't happen, it doesn't happen. Some days I make it all the way through; others I'm so hammered I need one, two, three naps, and I still feel hammered, and still need another full night's sleep following (if I can get it). I know that one bad day of flairing can/will take up to three days to get back "on schedule" if that happens. So the only things I push myself to do are the ones that really are imperative - the doctor appointments (a few other things, but not much).

Reading this over, it sounds pretty dismal/gloomy, but to me it's not. I guess that's where my acceptance comes in; this is who I am now, and if not entirely comfortable with it, I've stopped stressing over it, and that's a tremendous burden lifted.

It's my wife who's going through the adjustment now. She's recently retired, and a lot of this didn't affect her because she was gone 9-12 hours a day. The first few times I had an off-schedule day since then, she got really mad because I was up all night and slept most of the next day. Lots of talking and I think she's adapting. Last night I was up again, and my biggest worry wasn't the pain, the anxiety, or the aftermath; it was stressing because I knew she was going to be mad at me again for something I couldn't control. It was different this time; I think we're ok. Having her own medical issues, she's getting it now. If the errands/chores don't get done today, they'll get done when they get done.

Doc

Promises.....I heard that! I missed the family Thanksgiving, the Christmas. And clocks, oh yes, I'm learning may as well throw them out. AND, regarding flair, today the Northern Lights were coming from my couch after too much activity yesterday. Need to go to bed now....

You're a good man Doc, for worrying about your wife!

In summation, get through this any way we can.....but at this point it's still driving me bonkers. Thanks for the post!

Well, I do worry about her - sure, but in this instance, I was more scared of her (reaction). I can't, don't, and won't deal with stress and confrontation the way I used to. Life is too short, and I'm not going to spend the rest of whatever I have left stressing over the small stuff.

Driving us bonkers is, I think, part of the process.
It's part of the process....
It's part of the process....
It's part of the process....


Doc

Oh Doc, in my book that you even THOUGHT of her is ADMIRABLE!!! Yessirree, small stuff will drive us to the cracker factory, IF WE LET IT (I must remember this more often)!

just an update.....GOD IS GOOD! I currently have a CAT scan scheduled for tomorrow but not with the hospital that the last neuro works with. The CAT is through a more financially amenable facility (unfortunately this facility does not have an affordable neuro tho). The report will be sent to the unaffordable neuro (I want a copy in hand as well). That neuro said during my appointment that he could POSSIBLY tell me via phone what he would recommend after a CT. Cannot afford to retain him for any sort of surgery BUT at least I am getting the recommended CAT. GOD IS GOOD!, so it has already been a good day!

I will have an MRI and a CAT in hand. Now all I need is a doctor. I just keep on chipping.........and Trusting.

Does anyone know about the connection between stress and pain level increase? How does that work? The psychology(sp?) of that is a mystery to me.

That is exactly why I worry about you seahorse. The connection to more pain with stress does happen. The more stress you are under, the worse the pain gets. Maybe Doc. can answer why. In my own life, I KNOW that happens.
ginnie

The self-perpetuating downward spiral - or "vicious cycle" as it's called/known - of pain, stress, depression, and insomnia (and sometimes other factors) is very well-documented. I've written and given presentations about it more times than I can recall. (But I still have to google to find links )

http://www.nwedbmed.com/chronicpain.html
http://www.whatworksforpain.com/2010...-chronic-pain/
http://www.my-spine.com/back-pain-an...-distress.html
http://rachicks.com/ra-pain-chronic-...vicious-cycle/

... Just to sample a few.

Google: "vicious cycle" pain depression stress (include the "quotes") for many more.

Doc

That is exactly why I worry about you ginnie - you worry too much!

http://www.quotegarden.com/worry.html

Doc

Thanks Doc. I do have a prayer list going. I try to put my worries into prayer. Sometimes I hear of situations that truely make my own problems look very small. Have a good day doc. You are on my list too! ginnie

Scroll down to the last quote on that link/page.

Doc