Hi..... I'm so empowered to have found this place. Although I hate to see that others suffer..I do know now that Im not alone.
Currently I'm dealing with the aftermath and permant damage of Herniated L4/L5 L1, chronic sciatica, degenerative disc desease, spinal stenosis, right leg spastic, muscles contracted, nerve damage to right leg and foot. Also thoratic outlet syndrom and carpal tunnell...phew i think that is it.
So many times in my life over the past 3 years I have had to "grin and bear it" My partner is not that supportive of my conditions. Doesn't understand that it isn't just a "back ache". Doesn't understand that even though I look ok on the outside..I'm on fire, and the pain is hell within. I lost my job due to not being able to perform my duties. That was a HUGE blow to me...I loved what I did..and to become "disabled" really made me feel like a looser. I feel like an 80 year old within a 30' something year old's body. Anyway..enough of that.
thankyou for being here
Sun

Hello Sun!

Our partners sometimes get tired of hearing about our pain. I know it is hard not to complain - but I too have to grin and bear it sometimes. Being disabled was hard for me to accept as well. I am only 44 and have to use a cane now.

But I have had to learn how to accept my situation. I continually research my back injury to see if the medical community has come up with something new that can possibly help me with this terrible pain.

Coping - learning how to live "one day at a time" sometimes one minute at a time or even less, stretching, living healthy and having someone to talk to is very helpful - especially if they understand exactly where I am coming from.

I do what I can, and accept that. I try to live without medications but lately that has been impossible. They do not seem to help anyway. I paint, draw, write and visit my garden as much as I can. I have learned my limitations and do not sit for too long, prop my back when I need to - and escape to the sauna when the pain gets too great in the winter.

I wish you all the best - and maybe a note to your partner explaining how you feel - how painful life is sometimes may help him/her become more understanding. I know that is how I got my partner interested and supportative.

Take care
Kim

Hi Sunshyn,

I can relate to the part about your partner. This may or may not apply to you but it was very helpful for me.

Although my husband is very loving it sometimes seemed that he did not understand. And he would get mad when i would tell him I was in pain. So one night i sat him down and we had a long talk. I told im I did not apreciate the responses he was giving me when he asked how I was feeling. And the lack of compassion sometimes when I was in pain and he just told me to get up and try harder or maybe get some exercise.

When we talked he told me that he was afraid. That this was not only changing my life but his and well and it was not that he did not love me or wnat me not ot hurt or not understand. He was just afraid. He also told me that he had noone to really talk to, that was my job as his best friend and wife. So he felt he always had to be strong for me and could not talk to anyone about how ths was affecting his life as he used to know it. And sometimes he said that he just did not know what to say because anything he did say I would disagree with or it made it worse. He eas afraid that our life would never be the same.

I so did not realize the impact this was having on him and that his best friend was not there for him. And I did not realize I was not the only one scared and in pain in some way.

So I told him that he could still talk to me and we were in it together and would figure it out. And I always try to be sensitive to the above information and let him know he is not alone. And I let him vent when he needs to and I try to listen to him and not make it all about me. Funny it makes me feel better when i can be there for him.

So stop for a moment and think and reflect about how your illness/injury/disease is affectng you and maybe affecting your partner. Sometimes your partner may just need to vent and may just need your to listen to them for a moment. It wont make your pain less but it may make your relationship stronger and more compassionate.

So I am not assuming your situation is the same but some of the above may help. No worries if it does not as all of our life situations and illnesses are unique to each of us.

Shelley, that was very well put We have been having the same discussion on another site I am on.

Hi Sunshyn! (are you the "brightness" from BT?)

I was just checking to see how things have been since you last posted. I hope maybe you and your partner were able to talk about things. Shelley's hit the nail on the head about how THEY must feel. He/she may be unsupportive only b/c maybe they do not understand and feel helpless. That is so very common.

I hope you will let us know how you are today!