[cmcantelmo]

About 2 years ago my husband had his second spinal fusion done. He crashed on the table but the doc had a cell saver ready and he only needed one transfusion so it wound up being ok, I thought anyway. He has hurt our relationship over the last 2 years in various ways and has refused to talk to me about anything. I found out about another woman he's been talking to (they met online and he insists it's just talk but some of the messages I saw were sexual so I naturally got upset and was pretty hurt). I want to work things out but I felt him pushing away. I finally had enough today and told him we needed some time apart. He finally admitted to me he has felt empty inside since surgery, that he isn't sure if his brain suffered from the loss of so much blood or what but that he hasn't been right since then.

Has anyone else experienced this? He had seen a psychiatrist and started some meds but said they did not help and stopped taking them. I want to stay with him and help him through this, especially now that I know what is going on with him...but I have no idea where to begin. Ay advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you

[Leesa]

Wow ~ Is he continuing to see the psychiatrist? I doubt he was on the medication LONG enough to even KNOW if they helped or not. Some of these medications can take up to 6 WEEKS to even begin to work! So was he on them that long? I doubt it.

He needs to continue seeing the psychiatrist and get back on the medications. He certainly should NOT have abruptly stopped taking them. That is dangerous to do! Make sure he doesn't do that again! That can cause seizures, and if he had a brain injury to begin with during surgery, it could cause more problems!

I've not heard of this, but it doesn't mean it can't happen. Strange things do happen during/after surgery. I wish you the very best. Will you keep us posted as to your progress? We'd really like to know how things go. God bless and please take care. Hugs, Lee

[ginnie]

Welcome to Neuro Talk. I hope your husband gets back on track with medications. Often with surgery that is so involved, depression happens. He needs to keep talking to his psych too. I think what happens sometimes, is that after these spinal fusions, we are not who we once were, don't have the same capabailty we had before. Pain and depression kind of go hand in hand. I really hope he continues to seek help, and that he will turn toward you for the support he needs. ginnie

[sfink]

Hi! Just a few thoughts from a guys perspective. Some of us can't use talk therapy like we should. It's too revealing! So we shy away. The online chat with others tells me he wants to talk it over but for some reason can't do it face to face with you.The empty inside statement is pretty accurate, after any number of surgeries; the anesthesia starts to catch up with you. you can lose sight of the horizon and not know which end is up! All talking sounds like"wah-wah"(remember Charlie brown when the adults talk!).You enter the tired, hurting- hey," I can't deal with it" mode. Sometimes the spouse talking ,just trying their best to help, comes across as judgement; I know your not, but it doesn't sound that way to him..I think the blood loss idea is ok but the anesthesia is more to blame. Ideas;- well a Christian psychologist would probably help him realize your marriage is just as important as anything else that's going on here. I thing it's practically impossible to survive these nuerological conditions, surgeries, therapies without a half decent support system. No one can help you more than your spouse can !Also, stopping and starting meds isn't a good idea. If you start a course of meds, you should continue it for a few months to give it a chance to work. Of course, if you get something that doesn't agree with your system, adjustments need to be made immediately. That's all for now, take care. sfink

[cmcantelmo]

He decided to leave...he says he needs to figure out himself before we can work on our marriage. I pretty much begged him to stay with me and let me help him but he will not listen to me. Thank you for your responses and kind words, but I might not be back here for a while....I am pretty destroyed by this. I wish he had told me how he felt sooner, but right now, there is nothing I can say to him or do for him. He is really shutting me out. I do not know what else to say except thank you. If we can work this out I will let you all know but for now I think I want to be alone too. Thank you all again

[sfink]

[QUOTE=cmcantelmo;993612]He decided to leave...he says he needs to figure out himself before we can work on our marriage. If we can work this out I will let you all know but for now I think I want to be alone too. Thank you all again :Heart

Ok, take care, sfink