I am sorry you are having pain issues due to your back. May I ask why your doctor has not permitted you a narcotic? It isn't the end of the world for a person to have to take them for quality of life. It is a serious issue, and your physicians should address your pain and do something. Can you go to a pain clinic? Did your MRI say anything of note at all? I had pain like that until my own surgery, so I do know what you are feeling. A physiatrist is also a type of physician that deals with the whole person and often thinks outside the box. this is the type of doc. I see. I do wish you less pain, and hope you can find some help. Don't give up, there are doctors who do have compassion. You just have to find him or her. ginnie

except to say that I have been in that frame of mind, "is this really the rest of my life?" It's a hard place to be. I suppose you have to find that something that keeps you tethered to the world, that can pull you back when your thoughts turn really dark. For me, it's my kids.

I have a lot of anxiety over my condition, what's causing it, where is it going. Traditional therapy doesn't really work for my kind of obsessive thinking/health anxiety. Cognitive behavioral therapy, basically learning tools to redirect your thoughts seems to be the best answer. It is a daily struggle. It does help to take each day as it comes, set goals for the day, and give yourself positive strokes at the end of each day for making it to the end.