I joined NeuroTalk yesterday after reading everyone's care and concern for each other.
I'm three back surgeries down (in five years) and am now officially called a FSS patient. I developed peripheral neuropathy and foot drop after the L3-S1 fusion.
PMs are now talking SCS (again)! They've tried and failed three times to get them in. The first attempt was suspended after 2 hours with three providers trying to shove the thing in me; the next two trials were described as difficult and never affected my needed low back area; one numbed my perineum, the last one gave me an electric jar with each step and were both removed at days 2 and 3.
A military multi specialty committee is recommending a NS place a paddle lead. I'm soooo not sure about another "anything" and don't see much hope of a future for me like this.
I fought surgical procedures for a long time.
Opiates don't work and I really can't take narcotics and work anyway.
Some of the past HCPs seemed to believe when I tell them that I hurt 7-8, 24/7, and sleep very, very poorly due to pain. The latest-I don't think he believes me.
I can't seem to convince him that because I'm not rolling around on the floor calling for my mother, asking for narcotics, and/or sobbing uncontrollably, that I am not hurting horribly.
I am incredibly sad, and unable to share these feelings with my best friend or my adult daughter. I think if they knew how sad I am, our relationships would change. So I talk to the dogs and to myself at home. I've recently started seeing a psychologist; I wish I could see him more often.
Thanks to all of you for listening.
Pat

Hi Pat,
I posted a reply on your New Member Thread, but see you have expanded a little on the state of your mood. It is very good that you are seeing a Psychologist, but tell him you feel the need for more sessions.
As for your Daughter and best friend, I understand how difficult it is to own up to being depressed, and know the concern that others will see you differently. So start small, the members here are very knowledgeable about SCSs, I - and others - are available to talk to about your Depression so you become more comfortable talking about it to non-proffessionals. Eventually you may find it easier to talk to your loved ones.
Whatever you want to chat about, whether it is specific concern, support or even general chat, there is always someone here to listen.

Dave.