[PMF]

I joined NeuroTalk yesterday after reading everyone's care and concern for each other.
I'm three back surgeries down (in five years) and am now officially called a FSS patient. I developed peripheral neuropathy and foot drop after the L3-S1 fusion.
PMs are now talking SCS (again)! They've tried and failed three times to get them in. The first attempt was suspended after 2 hours with three providers trying to shove the thing in me; the next two trials were described as difficult and never affected my needed low back area; one numbed my perineum, the last one gave me an electric jar with each step and were both removed at days 2 and 3.
A military multi specialty committee is recommending a NS place a paddle lead. I'm soooo not sure about another "anything" and don't see much hope of a future for me like this.
I fought surgical procedures for a long time.
Opiates don't work and I really can't take narcotics and work anyway.
Some of the past HCPs seemed to believe when I tell them that I hurt 7-8, 24/7, and sleep very, very poorly due to pain. The latest-I don't think he believes me.
I can't seem to convince him that because I'm not rolling around on the floor calling for my mother, asking for narcotics, and/or sobbing uncontrollably, that I am not hurting horribly.
I am incredibly sad, and unable to share these feelings with my best friend or my adult daughter. I think if they knew how sad I am, our relationships would change. So I talk to the dogs and to myself at home. I've recently started seeing a psychologist; I wish I could see him more often.
Thanks to all of you for listening.
Pat