I am still trying to hang in there. The doc I'm supposed to see in Denver won't be available until my Jan 5th appointment. I keep telling myself I can last until then.

My husband says if my mood doesn't improve and I remain suicidal he is going to drag me somewhere for help.

I'm so weary of all this and I'm sure you guys are weary of your pain as well. I wish I was noble and brave but I just don't seem to have it in me anymore.

Your posts have helped so much. Thank you. I will post again when I am able to sit up a while.

Does your back get weak and hurt more if you lie down a lot? I think that's what may be happening as well.

Thanks again, Pam

((((((Pam)))))),



I wish you weren't suffering so much. Make sure you tell that doctor that you'll take a cancellation appointment. There's bound to be cancellations with the holidays and vacations and the flu.

I remember the horrible pain that I was in from a subway accident over 25 years ago. I had to stay in bed a month. If I hadn't had my cat, Fluffy, I would have lost my mind -- he slept with me all day and night. If you're laying down a lot, try laying on your side and pulling your legs up into the fetal position -- it opens up the spine.

When I was going through that whole period, the orthopedist told me that you lose a lot of muscle mass and strength when you stay in bed for a week. They actually do not recommend that much bed-rest anymore.

There are other positions that take the stress off the back without your having to go to bed -- sit in a well-padded Boston rocker and put your feet up high, like on the bed or the armrests of the sofa. Sit on the sofa with bed pillows behind your back and your feet on top of bed pillows on the coffee table. Sometimes laying on the floor on your side in a "sun patch" with your bed pillow helps. (I got this one from my cats. They seems so relaxed when they're laying in the sun patch, especially in the Winter, I figured I try it. It's so warm and inviting -- it feels good!)


Try different chairs and sofas and beds in your house -- sometimes just a little change will help. I used to take a nap in my son's bed when he was in elementary school.

Hang on tight, Pam. You'll get through this. We and your husband will help you. The offer to write if you need to is ALWAYS open.

BIG HUGS.

Barb

I went shopping yesterday and my knee throbs when I turn in bed. I wish now I had of got up and seen your post. I too have had many surgeries on my back, and know pain well.

Barb is right, sometimes you don't have to be in bed to get comfortable. Have you ever had a back brace? I couldn't function without one. Also a heating pad or a cold pack will help. One or the other, just be careful you don't get burned with the heating pad. I have done that too! Do you have pain pills that give you any relief? I get some relief from Alieve also which is over the counter.

I will pray for you Pam, with all my heart. Hang in there and keep talking to us. It is just 23 more days now. I hope you do call and tell them you are in severe pain and would take any available date open. Did you consider going to the emergency at the nearest hospital? There is help available, if you will let them know. You are suffering enough to go to the hospital NOW. That's what they are there for. If you can't stand it tell your husband to take you. I'm sure he would.
K
Kind Regards,
Billie

Pam,

I had l5 s1 double cage fusion done 14 months ago and i have asked my doctor for a refferal to someone that would help me with the depression:
I have from the pain. He sent me to a shrink we classified me and then
proceeded to tell me it's stress related. Stress related ! No way ! My back
and hips and legs hurt all of the time ! I did what the doctor said and read
a book called "Why Zebras Don't Get Ulcers ". I didn't help.

I have relied on my family and friends for support. I WAS a very active 41 yr. old guy who hiked, golfed, mountain bikes etc.., I can do none of these activities anymore ! My surgeon told me that they only do surgeries and sent me yo a pain management clinic for drugs. Only a little bit of relief from pain but what about my emotional state of mind ? No help there!

My advice is to hang in there and do as I am now by reaching out through the internet for people suffering like me. This is my first blog on a website
and when I came across your story I had to register so that I could reply.

HANG IN THERE !!!!!! I know it's tough. I was in tears just this morning while
talking to my wife of 21 years. I was explaing how the pain is getting worse , yet the Doctors are not upping my medication or getting e rays done, so
I feel all alone with my pain. It's the toughest thing I have ever faced in my Life! And I still get depressed every day and have pain of different levels 24/7.


So my message to you is that you are NOT alone, and suicide is NOT an option !

Bill

I really appreciate all the input you guys have given me!

I saw the spine doc yesterday. An Xray showed that my fusion is okay. I will need another MRI to determine the condition of my nerves and whether or not I still have a fluid build up.

We are heading to Arizona for a couple of months so I am going to wait until we return to do another one. Having the fluid asperated didn't make all that much difference anyway.

I'm back on antidepressants and gained 10 pounds in two weeks! I hate that side effect. I eat anything that can't out run me.

Thanks again for the support. Since my step daughters suicide in 2003 my depression has been awful. At times OI just want to give up and join her. I get so weary of the constant pain.

Your encouragement has helped me to pull through.

Pam

Thanks for letting us know how you are doing. We do understand that all you have been threw has been awful. No parent should have to go threw all this. I do hope and pray things get better for you. Maybe being gone for awhile will be good. I will keep you in my prayers.
Love,
Billie

Pam,

Please try to have a wonderful relaxing time in Arizona. If you're driving there, take lots of rest stops to get out of the car. That driving is never good for my back! Relax as much as you can, and hopefully the pain will subside some. Glad to hear your fusion is still OK, and sorry about the antidepressant side effects. Is there another one you could take instead? Check in every now and then and let us know how you're doing!

Kay

Hang in there Pam! we are all thinking and praying for you mate i am an L4-S1 success story, the surgeons can get it right and you will be pain free one day, don't let it beat you buddy, i know the thoughts and i know what your going through as i almost to gave in , but i hung in there and now i am pain free, my thoughts are with you , please don't give up!!

Michael