A sunny Friday ain't all bad...
Next Tuesday evening is my next cervical MRI... they don't have to tell me that something's wrong there; I don't wanna hear it, anyway.
Ahhh, life in the failing body of an aging Spiney...


Much love and

I had a baby shower for a friends DIL last night and I'm about dead today. I saw my pain dr. yesterday and gave him my MRI results. He told me I must stop doing what ever it is that I'm doing, including any weight bearing exercise! If I give up that, I'm a goner. My surgeon believes that I should be doing what makes me healthy and happy short of sky diving, horse back riding, motor cross, etc. It's important to me in long run or the rest of my days will be miserable.

Even with the exercise I keep gaining weight. I hate my body, it's disgusting. I can't exercise enough to lose it and sitting just makes it pile on. What are we suppose to do? I can't give up, but I also don't want more pain meds. I hate taking them. I limit myself to my 2 percs a day and all the muscle relaxers I want, for now. He's trying to change my meds to something that will work better, but I won't do it. I think I'm making him mad.

OH well, today is a day of rest for my body. Off to the recliner I go!

Linda

Hey PB and Linda,

I'm here in PA enjoying another rainy (read: achy) day, perusing the net, looking for work, and generally trying not to go off the deep end with boredom. I'm so glad these forums are around...I've missed everyone terribly.

PB, good luck with your MRI next week. I know the feeling...I just don't want to know anymore about the degeneration...and I haven't even gone under the knife yet. I figure since there's not a whole lot to be done with my spine, I just don't want to know about it. What's that saying, "Ignorance is bliss." Maybe not bliss, but certainly it's less agitating and stressful for me.

Linda, I hope you can find some happy medium between your surgeon's guidelines and your PM doc. I hate that I can't exercise like I used to...before my spiney issues I was in the gym 5 nights a week, 3 doing cardio, 2 doing light weight training. Having such a physical job, I needed to build up my muscle to support moving all those patients, and the stamina to keep up the pace on a 12hr shift...not to mention, I loved the "toned and sleek" look I had I do my yoga and core strength training and that's about it...I refuse to go completely slack/saggy, and from all of the literature I've read, this seems to be the best course of action. I go to my PM doc for the TPIs as needed (more often of late), and my PM doc keeps telling me to "go easy", but I do wonder when he's just gonna say, "quit it" altogether?

Hope you all have a wonderful weekend. << spiney hugs>>

Theresa

T:

The PM dr. told I could swim if I wanted to. It just brings flashbacks of in my early 30s going to a swim class and basically doing "Sit and Be Fit" exercises in the pool with the people from the Sr. center. I suppose if I put it off long enough I'll fit right in. I would love to take reformer pilates, but it is cost prohibitative. I've tried pilates at home with a DVD, but it's just to hard for me to get around with a bum leg and bum arm. I need a little help that I think the machine would provide, naming not having to get up and down from the floor. I ain't pretty!

I think once the surgeries start, the arthritis is inevitable. My neck is full of stenosis. But I worry that the surgeries to decompress it will only create more stenosis since arthritis is an auto immune disorder. Catch 22.

Did you ever finish school Theresa? I remember when you were doing so much.

Linda

Hey Linda,

I enjoy swimming, but around here, the pools are seasonal and the indoor pools are all membership only. The HS pool is open to the public, but only a very odd hours, and I find it difficult to get in any significant lap time, since there are only two lap lanes available. I did swim quite a bit this summer, but I can't say that I noticed any changes (positive or negative) as a result. I've been walking more with my poochie since we don't have a yard to romp in while we're in the apartment, but there's just something about going to the gym and working out.

I did try Pilates for a bit, in my pre-spiney days, and I have to say, I did enjoy it, working with the machines...if I were to try it again now I would definitely want a trainer/spotter around though, just to make sure my body maintains correct positioning, given all the muscular changes that have occured as compensation for my deteriorating spine.

As to the surgeries and arthritis....well, my feeling on surgery is that it is in essence a controlled injury, followed by a repair. Yes, you've already got damaged tissues going into surgery, but in order to repair the damaged parts, there's going to be some collateral damage to the surrounding tissues, no matter how good your surgeon is. I do often wonder if some of the spiney problems are some sort of autoimmune issue, especially for those spineys that start with a single problem and end up with a host of issues as the years progress. People end up with chronic pain often as a result of an over-zealous nervous system, or because of the irritation to nerves, be it mechanical or chemical. I do wonder if these irritations don't set off some kind of inflammatory process that turns into a sort of autoimmune self-destruct signal for the spine....

School's on the back-burner for the moment. I only have a year's worth of course work left, and my senior research project, but I stopped taking courses 2 yrs ago due to a major flare up, and I haven't felt good enough to go back until very recently. I just hope that by the time I get re-enrolled in classes that I won't have lost too much work...some science credits are only good for 5 years, and I've been doing college on and off since 1997, so some of my credits have a bit of age to them. I just don't know anymore what I want to do...some days I really just want to bite the bullet and struggle through a Nursing program, but then I realize how foolish it would be, since I'd be a risk to myself and my patients. And then other days I want to get my Biology degree and teach science (though I don't know that I have the patience to teach any age group, secondary ed. or college level)...And then other days I want nothing more than to finish my Bio degree and get my butt into Med school and become a doctor with a whole lot of empathy (maybe Family/Internal Medicine, or maybe Rheumatology).

Some days I just feel so old and useless, as foolish as that sounds. My life's plans just were so derailed with this spiney garbage that I don't know where to begin again. I'm 27 now, and I feel like I'm 87. I don't want to be a downer, but its very frustrating to have all your plans tossed out the window and have no idea what the future holds. I don't want to start up on something again like I did with going from Nursing to Biology, only to have to stop yet again because of my health. Each time I've had to change it's been a terribly long slog to get back out of the black hole I fell into...I just don't know if I could make it through again.

Thanks for thinking of me...Hope you have a nice (low pain) weekend.

Theresa

Thanks for doing a roll call, ponyboy! It's good to hear what some of the old gang is up to. I know how you feel about further diagnostics, PB. I don't think I'll need another cervical MRI. When I wake up and can't move, I'll know they're ready to do surgery. Seems strange with todays advances that some of us have been told their condition is too bad to do anything about until it's dire (like paralysis!), but that's where I'm (still) at.

I've slowed way down in the exersize arena, too, Linda. I can't afford the Medicare deductible this year, so I'm not seeing any docs, hence no meds. So, less movement. What a vicious circle!

I'm extememly depressed today. I got a call from the college today saying my son may be suspended for partying too much. I suspect he's revelling in his new found freedom way too much. I could just kill him. I sacraficed a lot for this opportunity for him. I don't normally like to lay on guilt trips, but I hate to see him squander this opportunity!!!

There, I feel better now. lol.

It's been rainy here forever, Theresa! Makes it worse mentally and physically for sure.

Take care everybody!

Hi Barb and T:

It sure is good to see some familiar faces finally. Comiserating by myself is getting old!

Is your son at his first year in college? I dread the day, and it's right around the corner. They have no idea what an opportunity they have and how screwing up will effect the rest of their life. Hopefully your son will see the light before it's to late.

I have been so busy all this week and I haven't been able to get to the gym and I can feel it taking it's toll already. How can they say not to exercise when I feel so much worse in such a short period of time? I totally overdid it the last 2 days and I'm paying dearly. The pain in both my legs is coming from my back. I know the depression that will follow shortly if I'm unable to continue. It's so easy to get sucked down into the black hole and so hard to climb back out of it.

I hope everyone has a good night, I fear it's going to be a long one.

Linda

Since we didn't get back to WI and I didn't see my "good ole spiny guy" and the ESI I had last Aug has worn off I asked my PCP to get my into a "spiny guy" in Abilene. I now have an appointment with the "spiny guy" that did her fusion a year ago. As luck would have it I have an appointment with "spiny" in the morning and a follow up appointment with the "eye guy". It's been 3 weeks since the eyelid surgery and my eyes are still a tad puffy and still a tad dark. That too shall improve with time......... GAWD....it's the middle of Sept already Life is like toilet paper, the closer you get to the end of the roll, the faster it goes!

Yes, thanks Ponyboy for roll call. I do enjoy many of these threads. I sure am a spiney too. I have had six spinal surgeries, seven fusions,stenosis, and I was just full of scare tissue too, Linda. These things just keep coming back. There is no stoping them. I guess someday I'll get to old and then they will stop.

Linda please be careful with exercising. If I remember right you have had a lot of knee problems too. I still have terrible knee problems.My surgeon is now sending me to a new Dr in Indy. Now whatever happens, I get in pain sitting or laying down. It was just the opposite, standing or walking. I get so frustated with it. My pain level goes to a ten and it took them forever to get the last one stopped. I was lucky enough for them to observed me in my last attack. They did take my Stimulator out. I wanted it so bad, so I could sit on a sidewalk with a hammer and bust it in a million pieces. I guess I'll have the pleasure of doing that to the charger instead.
Billie

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