Thank you for your story and your insight Jeff, it was very well said. I hope things continue to look better for you.

Blue your response to my mood tag made me smile. :)
And I'm glad to see your's says happy. That also made me smile. :)

I honestly don't know what makes me feel fine. I just kinda mysteriously feel less bad. There's a few things that I do to pass the time, but when I'm feeling sad or lonely they don't make me feel any better, they seem just as pointless as everything else.

The only thing that really helps is getting on NT and reading all the new stuff that's posted. I guess it's the closest thing I can get to actually hanging out with friends.

:hug:'s for everybody. :hug::hug::hug::hug:

L1 !!!!!! :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: X 1,000,000

Well, then, everytime you start to feel sad, COME HERE before sadness invade you !! :hug:

Ive learnt for example, that when I start to feel sad or anxious, I listen to music... so, you come here ok ??

I leave you not only hugs, but kisses too !

Ah my :Mexican: FRIEND... I love, Love, LOVE the enthusiasm you show in your support ....:hug:

Dear L1... I seriously think you should write... you have a lot to tell ... and a lot people could learn from you....

Start with a journal... a blog... little pieces of paper...

a sticky note on your wall....

:sing: Addy

Wow, :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: X 1,000,000, equals 5,000,000 :hug:'s in one post! It's a new recond! :)

I do usually come here whenever I feel bad.....and when I feel not so bad.....and pretty much whenever I have a free moment. Most of the time I'm just lurking, it makes me feel less lonely to know how others are doing. :o

And I really have no idea where I would begin, as far as the writing thing goes. I wouldn't know what to write about, and it really is hard for me to phrase things the way I want to, it always looks lame or stupid when I look back at it.

Look I have an avatar picture now, instead of that horrible red X! ::D

hi there thelonely- your honest description is something you did very well. Despite the claim of having little skills or motivation to help yourself, you did something incredible by speaking of your inner state in a way that others really heard you and got it.

The hardest thing of all is to reach out in the midst of such pain which seems to paralyze every aspect of your life. I honor this part of you who is still there, despite all that seems to be holding her down. Keep posting, keep giving this part a voice. I suspect this part has much to say which needs to be heard by your every day understanding of who you are. You are in truth much more than the part which wants to die.

Just because one part of our self wishes to die does not mean there are not other parts which are wishing to live, even thrive. As long as this part has a voice and a compassionate witness in this forum you are still with us and perceived with heart and wisdom and the best possible encouragement.

The responses were very genuine and caring and I hope you can take them in, if only a little. What would you name or call the part which reaches out and names her reality? Is she young? If you can avoid lumping her into all your other parts or identities then she might be given more focus and help you to climb out of the pit, hand over hand, maybe "covered in mud". But eventually, it is very likely you will stand once again in the light which you feel has gone out of your life.

The one thing I would suggest is to call your county mental heath department and tell them your truth as it is now. Someone who takes sliding scale or a group would be the key to supporting the part of you who wishes to live and helping the part who wishes to die to be understood.

Dying to the old self, old wounds, old carried beliefs does not have to be a physical death. I have been there in a less intense way and only hope to share so that you know there is a strong possibility that joy is your birthright. Even if you do not have any faith that it is possible now. For now believe others who will hold this for you until you can hold it for yourself once again. No one can do this process alone. Thank you for sharing and giving others and myself a chance to reach out and try to make a difference. I pray you will find the support you need in your process. All the best despite being in the worst...TT

Brilliant post tinglytoes! thank you for your insight!

Ok, I'm confused again. I thought lonely1 was a young man...not a lady...
But then it takes very little to confuse me. :o

I am a young man, Alffe, but I still thank you Tinglytoes. That was a very profound post. I hope you are right about it being "very likely I will stand once again in the light which I feel has gone out of my life."

I think it is Tinglytoes that should be the writer and not me. :)