L1, this is the safest and best place that I've ever found on the internet where I can talk about my own problems (and occasionally ask the moderator to remove my post when it's in the best interests of the community) and speak to others about their own issues. You aren't alone when you come here. We care about you. Thinking of you and hoping that you will get a good night's rest,
reyn

Honey, hey, hey ! what's up ???

Any ideas why are you feeling that way ?? I totally understand... Ive been where you are... but, you, tell me... do you have a particular reason to hate life ?? is there something you can do, like trying to solve that part of your life which is bothering ???

Also, I dont know (perhaps I need to go back in this thread), do you take any medicines ??

Hang in there... hold on... you are too young, Im sure your future is a good one... !!! Talk to me !

(((HUGS)))

Hey L1
I'm disheartened to see you down again my friend but I've been there so many times, I can understand.

A huge difference between me and you is that I've learned to love myself. Man, that's difficult to do - but its a must!! ... and I pray you can find the strength to do it...

lonely1 - reach out for the all the warm fuzzies you can stand from us folks here in the Forum... this place IS real... and you are VERY valued as a friend, a supporter and as a teacher!

In turn, you will learn to value yourself as a wonderful contributor to the world.

Blah, blah, blah... I know that right now you can find every arguement to tell me you are NOT valued ... but I'm not listening... (my fingers are in my ears - "la la la la la... I can't hear you!!) ....

Addy

Wow! Addy, you are one incredible friend! I so much appreciate hearing from you on this thread and others . . .

L1, please check in with us, okay? We worry about you when we don't hear from you.

Oh Addy I wish I had your optimism...

I'm not really feeling any more down than usual, this is pretty much "normal" for me. I just felt like posting it. I get lonely a lot (hence my screen name). But I'm glad I have online friends to talk to, even if I don't have anyone to spend time with in real time.

To answer your question Blue, I was on anti-depressants but have given up on them because no matter what dose and frequency, they all made no difference in how I felt. And they were too expensive for me to be able to afford. I barely make enough money to pay for rent and food, I have zero money to spend on anything else (including things like friends and entertainment).

Sorry I haven't been posting much, I just can't think of anything to say...
Thank you all for posting and caring, I really appreciate it.

I'll try to post more often.
For everyone

~ lonely1

Darling, darling, darling.... honey, honey, honey...

Im BAD cheering people up as I suffer of depression, so... But, I would like to tell you, that making an effort to get out of depression helps, really HELPS...

Try to distract yourself with things you have handy...

Do you like reading ??

Why do you suffer ?? what's going on ?? You can always PM me if you prefer...
Sorry, Im not a doctor... Im bad trying to help people, but Im trying to find out why are you feeling so sad...

Take care.

We are here for you.

X 1,000, 000

Oh Blue you help to cheer me up just by letting me know you're here.

I'm just depressed because I don't like my life. I have no friends, (exept for you guys), everyone I've ever known has abandoned me, even ones that I really cared about. One day they just decided to blow me off, and I never heard from them again. I guess I'm just not important enough to deserve any of their time.

Also I can't see myself with a happy future. I dropped out of college because I'm terrible at all my classes. There is no career path that interests me, and I can barely force myself out of bed every morning to go to the part time job I already have. No matter how hard I try I just can't develope an intrest in anything I do.

I don't know how to explain it, I've just never been happy. Life has always seemed pointless, even when I was younger. I think I started having death fantasies in 6th grade. The thought of growing up and having a job never appealed to me, and that's when I decided that I didn't care if I lived that long.

How can I possibly be happy if I don't enjoy anything and nobody wants to be around me?

L1, you write extremely well. Have you considered exploring some time of work where you can write? I spent too many years in college, took me 15 years to get a degree -- and I can't even work in that area anymore because I let me license lapse. But some of the few good memories from being in school was the exposure to literature.

I don't have any answers for you, but I'm asking you to stay here with us, okay? I'll write more later . . . it's best if I don't write after a glass (or 4) of wine.

((L1))

People have told me that I write well. But I struggle a lot with it. I have a mild case of adult A.D.D. so it's hard for me to translate my jumbled thoughts into something others can understand. "Fortunatly," I've found out that I also have a mild case of O.C.D., which causes me to obsess about what I write and edit it constantly, so mabye it cancles out in this case.

Hmmmmmmmm.....I seem to be a grab-bag of mental disorders. Fortunatly only the depression is serious enough to cause real problems.

Hellooooooooooooo sweetheart !!!!

I clearly understand what you are saying.... Ive been where you are... Gosh... it is so hard to feel abandoned... but, Ive learnt something with the years... If people leave me, is because they are not who I think they were... they probably are envy, selfish, crappy, so they dont really appreciate my friendship as much as I apprecite theirs, so, even when it hurts, at the end, is the best thing, because, a friendship, like love, needs both parts participating...

It hurts, it sucks... it makes me feel like Im the one doing the things wrong, thinking Im the bad one of the story, so, that they are leaving me because Im not worth, but, belive me, it is the opposite... Really good people would never abandon a good friend, a good person... so, if they leave, is because they are "plastic"... do you know what I mean ?? People who, to be honest, doesnt have feelings... they just live but doesnt go deeper.. like you probably do, you probably really get involved in a relation... they dont...

It has happened to me twice.. once when I finnished highschool... My group of "friends" simply turn around and never talked to me again.... from one day to another... and I was like What did I do ? what did I say ? why are they abandoning me ?? Why ? Because they werent my friends... that's it... it hurt.. yes... but time made me understand...

Second time was just when I started my phD... my career friends, those who shared with me 5 years of my career, who were adults, who I think were friends, simply turn around again... they dont talk to me anymore... It hurt again... but, once again, I understood it wasnt my fault, it was theirs...

Ok, so, all the above was to tell you you dont have to feel sad or guilty for people abandoning you... they are acting wrong. Im positive. And, if they dont relate with you, you will find people like you soon... probably not 50, not 10, but perhaps 2 truly friends...

That's part 1...

Part 2 is... Dont push yourself on trying to love life... I know it is hard... but, hell yeah... you should definetely write !! you are too good... I mean, I would love to read a blog by you for example...
Dont you like photography ?? animals ?? Im not trying to push you ok ? Im just.. curious !

Talk to me anytime ok ?

Love ya !!!