[Burntmarshmallow]

My friend I work with was in auto accident. And so I am easily flashing back to mine and those dark times. but for now I think to start with... Rox is new to the crew she has been with us for about a month. a few years older then I.

anyways we worked together the day of her crash last week. that night on her way back from church meeting another driver ran red light and her car t boned the red light runner. my friends hub was driving and neither had seat belts on. She broke her nose her sinus area and two place on upper jaw not the cheek bone . but upper jaw .

I guess I REALLY wished they had seat belts on. because I know how it feels, how it is going to feel and be tomorrow and the day after and the day after.
This morning my boss went to visit her while the rest of us did the cleans. At end of day when we got back she told us about visit and how she went in that she looks pretty banged up . Rox told Boss You wont beleive this but That morning when me and "BMW " ( I go by my real name in real life lol not bmw )when we were leaving the first clean BMW started backing out and just stopped and said "Sorry I am not driving unless everyone has a seatbelt on"and I didnt have my belt on coming home the other night.

I hope she dosent think I cursed her or like I made life say I told you so or something like that. But I do that all the time with everyone and I did say that that morning.
I am worried she is going to end up with t.n or o.n. and ridding the medication merry-go-round.. and the depression. and it is so easy just thinking about it bring me right back to my accident. and thats a whole post for later maybe the best thing to do is not think about it but it is like impossible because ... I cant stop now that I started . like a little trap door pulled out from my feet.

and really whats that all about I meen its been 10 years.
its a double edge once you get "away" from the baddest pain and the darkest time youve been in sometimes the only thing you can do the only thing to do the right thing to do is never look back , pretend you never were there. and then sometime it is the opposite and the worst thing you can do is never look back , and worst thing you can do IS pretend you never were there ..that sad that much in pain ... that close ...

maybe my brain is stuck and cant decide which one to do so I flash back and try not to think about it but cant help it ..
this is the only place where it feel where I know I am not alone... that someone will probably know what I meen. so this is where I am ranting , letting off some thoughts and worries or what ever you wish to title it.

Thanks for listening letting me unload .
Feels good. something I could not do with my accident as I had trail by jury and things had to be handled in certain way ..not mentioned and stuff like that. legal doody . Actually I have not been able to, allowed to talk about a few things for 5 years after my case settlement... but its 7 years and I can actually talk about things legally ... the statue of limitations thing has pasted.

PEACE
BMW

[Addy]

I'm so glad you're part of my life.

[Alffe]

So am I BMW. We all are the sum total of the good and bad parts of our lives. The hard stuff is supposed to give us character, show the world what we're "really" made of....and if it almost kills us in the process, some say to chalk it up as life....that everyone has something that they struggle with.

But when you have to spend everyday struggling with "whatever" it is you get to carry around on your back and in your heart, it can wear you down. When you see others making the same mistakes and you know what the consequences can be...it takes you back to a time when it was your pain, your uncertainty and while you have to live with that daily reminder...you learned from it..you grew into a better person because of it. That doesn't make it less painful but it makes all of our hearts bigger because you are in our lives...teaching us what you learned the hard way.

Oh boy, I woke up too early and full of steam today.

[Burntmarshmallow]

Yeah But..... I did have my seatbelt on my little one was in child seat I DID NOT pull in front of trailer truck and then slam on breaks in hopes of killing myself and or my little one.
Because I had head injury the law had the right to go back into everything in past back to my high school and that time... and they tried to flip and turn things.. and yeah but the jury found in my favor
and yeah but its all 10 years ago so why dose it still bother me still seem like yesterday still can control me, my thoughts worries emotions so much????
and yeah but why is the mention of Thoughts or thinking of ending ones life so taboo and criminal and life teaches you if that happens to think ... have it come to mind is the biggest bad sin ever. And Yeah but NO ONE EVER REALLY TALKS ABOUT IT In Real life..... when i told some of the people at work I go to site called sos whats sos and i told them .... they all had weird looks and didnt say much which makes me think they probably think I am unstable but I know I am more stable then I ever have been. they way others act at the mention of the words s.o.s. teaches, instills its wrong WHY?????????????????????????????????
I am Glad I have my family here and all of you are in my life.


PEACE
BMW

[Alffe]

Why??? Because...because it changed your life, because it wasn't fair, because it went on and on and on. I can't talk about the court system in this country because members of our family are still intrenched in trying to get justice...or at the very least, an acknowledgment of wrong doing...maybe an apology???? To some.....winning is everything.

Not being negative here....just truthful! Hugs for the room, especially our BMW.