[waves]

Hi Everyone.

I recently posted about an experience I had to a friend who had a dreadful Christmas. And it suddenly occurred to me it might be good to share that same story here, since it is about breaking free from suicidal inclinations.

I had wanted to wait until after New Year's since it is not a really festive post, but then I decided this was silly really. I already posted to one person who had a really awful time right at this special time of year. And i know first-hand how, if one is already in the middle of a depression, IT doesn't just get up and leave so we can be all perkadoodle does it? (If only!) Indeed, it can even get worse due the contrasting happiness all around if our situation or our state or both are bad.

So, i have decided to go ahead and post this now... I figure if someone is "deep in the hole" right now, or just having an acute dip right now... just maybe they can gain something from this, right now. Well, here goes:


------------------
When i was quite young and before i learned the word "depression" i endured a "bad spell" and had a strong urge desire to end my life, yet simultaneously fear of doing any such thing. well, i broke through it quite accidentally one day. i was looking at my fine wrists and in a flash in my mind they seemed so similar to the little arms of the squirrels i used to feed at the park... i looooved those squirrels. then it was all different. something inside me broke ... i became in my mind like a squirrel... a gentle creature to nurture and treat only with kindness.

this happened actually during a long depression not a momentary one - my first severe one... it was before i turned 20. it did not take away the depression, and maybe not the desire not to be alive right then rather than be in all that pain, but it did take away every inclination of suicidality... because i realized i COULD NOT DO HARM. not to a squirrel, so, not to myself.
------------------


I hope i was not out of place to post this now. I hope if there is anyone who needs it, this story can offer a path of light, hope, renewed compassion... love... for yourself.

We are all special creatures, like little squirrels or kittens or soft fuzzy chicks. Or delicate flowers. I hope all of you will remember this, even in the dark times, and treat yourselves with corresponding reverence and gentleness.



~ waves ~

[Burntmarshmallow]

Waves That is a story that gives hope and inspires us and any time is THE RIGHT TIME for something like that!
Thank You for Caring and for sharing .

So True ... Words to keep close to ones soul....

"We are all special creatures, like little squirrels or kittens or soft fuzzy chicks. Or delicate flowers. I hope all of you will remember this, even in the dark times, and treat yourselves with corresponding reverence and gentleness."


Thanks again Waves
PEACE
BMW

[waves]

Dear BMW,

Thank you for your post. As I am not a regular in this forum... so less aware of shall we say the "culture" ... ... I was still a bit concerned about my post even though after some consideration i decided to go ahead with it. I am relieved to know that you find my post appropriate, independently of the time. Thank you kindly for your feedback. I really do hope what i related can help someone... now or in the future.

best wishes to you, and to everyone for the coming year!



~ waves ~

[Alffe]

Originally Posted by waves

Hi Everyone.

I recently posted about an experience I had to a friend who had a dreadful Christmas. And it suddenly occurred to me it might be good to share that same story here, since it is about breaking free from suicidal inclinations.

I had wanted to wait until after New Year's since it is not a really festive post, but then I decided this was silly really. I already posted to one person who had a really awful time right at this special time of year. And i know first-hand how, if one is already in the middle of a depression, IT doesn't just get up and leave so we can be all perkadoodle does it? (If only!) Indeed, it can even get worse due the contrasting happiness all around if our situation or our state or both are bad.

So, i have decided to go ahead and post this now... I figure if someone is "deep in the hole" right now, or just having an acute dip right now... just maybe they can gain something from this, right now. Well, here goes:


------------------
When i was quite young and before i learned the word "depression" i endured a "bad spell" and had a strong urge desire to end my life, yet simultaneously fear of doing any such thing. well, i broke through it quite accidentally one day. i was looking at my fine wrists and in a flash in my mind they seemed so similar to the little arms of the squirrels i used to feed at the park... i looooved those squirrels. then it was all different. something inside me broke ... i became in my mind like a squirrel... a gentle creature to nurture and treat only with kindness.

this happened actually during a long depression not a momentary one - my first severe one... it was before i turned 20. it did not take away the depression, and maybe not the desire not to be alive right then rather than be in all that pain, but it did take away every inclination of suicidality... because i realized i COULD NOT DO HARM. not to a squirrel, so, not to myself.
------------------


I hope i was not out of place to post this now. I hope if there is anyone who needs it, this story can offer a path of light, hope, renewed compassion... love... for yourself.

We are all special creatures, like little squirrels or kittens or soft fuzzy chicks. Or delicate flowers. I hope all of you will remember this, even in the dark times, and treat yourselves with corresponding reverence and gentleness.



~ waves ~

that was charming waves...I keep looking at my wrists and another critter comes to mind...*grin

Thanks so much for the words of hope, compassion and love.

And for this....

[waves]

Dear Alffe,

Originally Posted by Alffe

I keep looking at my wrists and another critter comes to mind...*grin

LOL... you know, i just love little froggies, too! (Glad you like the 2010 Broadway Frog, btw! )

i have a touchstone a former counselor gave me with a frog drawn on it. she picked it for me because she felt it symbolized metamorphosis, evolution, adaptation. she meant for it to remind me of my ability to grow and adapt. (and possibly, to "emerge" from "the water?") anyway i loved it. i sometimes keep that stone in my pocket when i have a job interview. i can touch it and think of her and remember her faith in me.



~ waves ~

[Alffe]

That counselor sounds like a keeper waves....can't help but love the people who have faith in us.

[waves]

Originally Posted by Alffe

That counselor sounds like a keeper waves

Yes indeed. Unfortunately, she is about 13,000 miles away from me now. So i have a different counselor. I still keep her in my heart, though. And always will.

[who moi]

hi waves,

I am glad that you've posted this. In a sense, that was one of the lessons that Pter was trying to convey to us...to TEACH our minds to train our suicidal thoughts...

in your way, it was a squirrel....and what a lucky squirrel it is!

Because where I used to live in the -villes of NC, they used to hunt squirrels and eat them...LOL

all kidding aside. I think you've shown us another way to train ourselves to deal with suicidal thoughts...

I for one am so glad that you've posted....

thank you!

(((BIG HUGS)))

now, I'd like to imagine my arm to be a Victoria secret's model's...wait, can I say that out loud?? (just kidding!!! )

[thelonely1]

Dear Waves,

I'm glad you posted here too. It is always a good time to share something about yourself, and it's always good to here a story of hope, especially now when hope seems so far away for so many.

Thank you for sharing.

[waves]

Originally Posted by who moi

where I used to live in the -villes of NC, they used to hunt squirrels and eat them...LOL

then again where i grew up... some not-exactly-natives used to nab and eat cats... whether they were wild or someone's pet. po' po' widdle kitties! po' po' widdle 'quiwwels!

I am glad that you've posted this. In a sense, that was one of the lessons that Pter was trying to convey to us...to TEACH our minds to train our suicidal thoughts...
...
I think you've shown us another way to train ourselves to deal with suicidal thoughts...

i think that's what it's all about. any and every which way we can use to train, tame, reframe, ... refrain.

I for one am so glad that you've posted....

thank you!

thank you, Moi.

and ROFL re: your arm as a VS model... you're a trip. i am reading some of your posts and very much enjoy your writing.

Originally Posted by thelonely1

I'm glad you posted here too. It is always a good time to share something about yourself, and it's always good to here a story of hope, especially now when hope seems so far away for so many.

Thank you for sharing.

thank you, Lonely1, i much appreciate your feedback.

for the room

~ waves ~