Thank you for your prayers dear all. I failed in my atempts again
I've trying to open different doors to reach the cake but oh... all of them are closed

(((Abbie))) Unfortunately I can't talk to the cake... It is something material.... It is a trip actually... Or it was as I see it far away now

Please Keep me in your thoughts and prayers....

I will fight till the last minute... Argh... I know this is bad for my anxiety but....

Dearest Blue,

I have been thinking about your cake metaphor. After careful consideration, I feel compelled to tell you that there is no cake, complete and beautiful and sitting just outside our grasp. Instead, we are surrounded by ingredients: it’s our job to mix them together and bake our own cake.

I believe that a lot of us with troubles slow our journey to happiness by believing if we just had this one thing (whatever it is), that all would be well. Waiting for that one big cake, can keep us from doing what needs to be done to reach goals and prevents us for savoring life’s little treats. For example, there are people who crave a relationship, but don’t go anywhere they might meet people. Others develop attractions for people who are unattainable (married, far away, etc…) without realizing they may be doing this because they aren’t truly ready for a relationship. (As the song says, “imaginary lovers never let you down…”) What these people fail to recognize is that they may need to develop some sense of self-love before they can enter a healthy, meaningful partnership.

Instead of waiting for that one big thing to come along (I blame some of this on the Prince Charming stuff fed to little girls and the cavalry arriving at the last moment junk fed to little boys.) and making everything right, we have to go out there and scrape our cake together one crumb at a time. We need to think about the things we can do to make our lives better. I know it’s hard to be proactive, but it’s the little things that add up and make the difference. Volunteer, indulge in a hobby, learn something new, adopt an abused animal… Get busy and one day you might realize you’ve cobbled together your own cake. The best thing about this cake is that, because it’s made up of so many small ingredients, you won’t be devastated when the occasional sprinkle falls off.

In short Blue, there is no point delaying your life and torturing yourself waiting for some non-existent, unattainable model of perfection. We have all heard of people who thought all of their problems would be over after a big lottery win, only to be left shocked and bitterly disappointed. What happened? The people didn’t change. Life is about slow change and evolution. It’s about trying to do good and positive things and one day looking back and thinking “I have built a moral life with friends who love me. It may not be perfect, but it is within my power to make it better.”

At the end of the day, the most important ingredient is us. And Blue, I know you have what it takes to bake one fabulous cake.

Cheer

Blue,
First of all, I was about to post an entry along the same lines as yours. I'm feeling the EXACT same things as you are. I feel like I fell off the bandwagon and I've been left at the side of the road.

I don't even know where to begin but I will send you all the support I have if you just think about me too <3

Ah..... I can 100% relate to wanting to go on a much desired trip and watching it slip away....

I had everything planned... plane tickets in hand but something inside of me wouldn't let me pack even one item... the day before I was supposed to leave, I got a call telling me that my trip had been cancelled.

It was several months later and hopes of it ever happening had long passed... but I did end up making the trip... so keep it in your dreams, keep saving money and when the time is right... I believe your dreams will come true!!!


Abbie

((Blue)) you are in my thoughts and prayers. I haven't been around much lately, but I felt drawn back to the forum--guess it was because of you. Now I know that I can just be one more person thinking of you and praying for you.

From my *heart,
reyn

[QUOTE=BlueMajo;607039]Good morning dear sweet all.

Thank you for your prayers... I was able to sleep in peace last night, from 2 am to 10 am... Without even moving !
It's a shame I had to wake up and remember all my problems


.. I was expecting the sun would help me feel better, but it didn't happen... How weird is that ?
Hi Blue, I feel compelled to offer support for how weird the crying can feel when we expected something else. I am deeply moved by your sharing and very grateful for reading the thoughtful and caring replies. I offer a tid-bit of experience from the depths of the dark side as well. The tears at going to meet god and have a talk, are likely the common reaction to the experience of light pouring out of the crack in your heart. For some reason the Grace of this light comes unexpectedly. We cry because there is no other response on the physiological level, to the immensity of that grace touching us directly.

This is often first labeled by the mind as something wrong. Tears mean something is wrong, right? But if we SIMPLY observe the body, the instinctual experience, more neutrally, we often discover it has nothing to do with any part of our "story". It often opens up due to the story, as a compensating energy, showing us we are more than the one perspective.

We are both sides. The paradox seems to be the challenge to allow the other side as much value, when we have mentally adjusted mostly to the painful perspectives. It takes a moment to shift awareness to catch grace in action. Every time we do notice it, we can remember we are THAT LIGHT AS WELL. So the dark story is never taken as the whole in quite the same way again. The good news/bad news paradox and irony.Then our body cries tears of remembrance not sadness, one might use the words 'bitter sweet' tears.

I hope this sharing of mine will support those brief moments where the light shines like a beacon through the crack in your broken heart. It says, look here I am as well.....Both /And rather than only this is real.....


Like, why was that cake created according to my right dream if it's not going to be mine ???

Loved your cake metaphor. Wondering if it might represent your conscious desires for whatever the underlying representation means to you. Unattainable because it is made up of idealized version of reality not embodied in life limitations in matter. Sometimes what looks good and yummy in the beginning, becomes less yummy in the end.

Maybe it is unattainable not because you don't deserve good, yummy things, but because it is too small and limited version of the delicious, juicy thing you really want and deserve. Sometimes the mind tricks us into grabbing onto the hollow treats, and the idealized version of reality they represent.

I have certainly mistaken the 'lovely appearing cake' as my expected outcome in the past. Some part of me somehow knew better. I never quite got to have that expectation or desire fulfilled. Yet I assure you there is the possibility of something even better, more juicy, representing a higher potential enjoyment, than what the regular craving mind can imagine.

The other unknown option is what I have to remember to make room for in my life. When I do surprising things come forth. I learn that I do not know what is best for me at all much of the time. And the old maxim- be careful of what you wish for holds true......

I hope you might make room to feel this momentary surprise and shift in awareness, and be able to build on it and discover something new and exciting within the frustrating and aggravating process.

Hope things are better lately, and that something rings true in what I was inspired to share. Thanks for the chance to remember the process of finding the unknown mysterious thing which makes everything balance out perfectly!

Best Wishes for the New Year TT

Hiya Blue,

I just thought I'd drop by and see how you were doing. I hope you are feeling better.

I'm still praying for you, and trying to send you warm comforting thoughts and lots of hugs.



You will get through this, and we will be here to help you. God has His plans for us, and even if we can't know what they are, we can try to do our best with what He has given us, and know that if we truly try our hardest, then we are certainly following the right course.

Lucky for us God has given us all this website, so we can share with our loving family.

More Hugs,



You are too sweet and compassionate to be feelling so down.

Hi Blue, thinking about you and praying for you.

Thinking about you Blue and hoping you are feeling some better.