Hi.

Honestly, from what you have written, I gather no one here can talk you out of doing what you are set on doing. I recently put up a thread on an amazing man with no arms and no legs (who also thought of suicide at the age of eight), because he didn't want to be a burden on his family.

That man is now an adult and he travels extensively as a motivational speaker helping THOUSANDS of the disabled and the non-disabled. He even made me laugh when he played music with his little flipper foot. He has SOME sense of humor.

He made the young people in the room, laugh and cry. He explained his way of thinking, his belief system (this is what I think got him to the point where he is today).

He found a purpose for his life. Not a reason for being disabled, but a purpose for his existence.

We all have purpose. Some don't find it until we are older than usual. But I think everyone has a purpose.

We just need to find what that purpose is and what we can do with it.

I wish you well on your journey to whatever you decide is in your best interest.

I can only hope it's to continue to exist, to reach out, to make someone smile, to give someone a compliment.

TO LIVE!!!

As Spock used to say

Live Long and Prosper!!

and yeah, I GREW UP ON STAR TREK!!! And I try to use humor every single day.

lol

Melody

Hello, Melody: Thanks for your latest contribution.

Yes, I watched your post on the man without limbs. Such people make the unimaginable real, actual. He's onto something profound: you can get away with doing things in a funny way which might cause riots if stated in a serious essay.

"I think everybody has a purpose." I do, too. I also think that at 66, my purpose may be behind me -- although right now, as I write these words, I sense another purpose emerging: help people see that taking one's own life and suicide are not necessarily the same thing.

You note, "I gather no one here can talk you out of doing what you are set on doing." I wonder ... is one of the differences between taking one's own life and suicide PRECISELY that in the former, there is indeed nothing you can talk them out of, whereas in the latter -- say a teenager sitting on the ledge of a building -- there is the material there to talk them down? "Talk them out of" implies misplaced emotions, mistaken ideas. Can it be that somebody can take their own life and have well-founded emotions and mature, rational ideas? Is that possible?

Suicide is a "beast" -- I agree with neurotalk members on that point. But what about "taking one's own life" due to an incurable disease and increasing weakness and constant discomfort and/or pain?

I wanted to bring your introductory post to the forefront.
I wanted to re-read what first brought you here to Neurotalk.....
I wanted to re-evaluate what your condition is

You have captured the hearts of MANY since you posted this new thread only days ago. You have thoughtfully responded and addressed each and every person who have contributed to this discussion and you never ONCE became irate or intimidated. I am inspired by this.
I am also inspired by your very first sentence...... Read it
"Hello, My name is Tom, and I am a proud new member of Neurotalk."

This warms my heart.

Pain is the common bond that brings us all here together....
And I wanted to see exactly what you are dealing with in regard to your health battle.....doctor's care you are under, meds you are taking.....

In my state of (yet another ) night of insomnia, .......it's nice and quiet here about this time of night/morning I wanted to take it upon myself to try and 'get to know you' a bit better.
As you, I also am a proud member here at Neurotalk.....and since I came aboard almost a year ago, I recall my state of mindframe in reaching out into the 'unknown world of cyberspace'..........It was very similar to yours, yet I didn't have an actual "D-Day" set........but I was at the place of wishing my life and agonizing physical pain would just simply stop. NOT wake up!.....
I come from a small community and my condition simply is not comprehended here, so i truly did feel alone and slipping away.
When I came aboard NT and realized there are thousands of people just like me if not worse, it was mind-boggling!

I'm very intrigued that you admitted in one of your most recent posts that you had actually come here with a certain date set as to be your D Day.
I'm hoping you'll share why you had picked that particular date? Is there a significant reason that you wanted it all to end on that particular date?
If not my business, then just say so.

Also, I see that you are taking Lyrica and over the counter pain meds.
If you had a better form of pain therapy, do you think maybe that would make a difference in your outlook?
When I was finally taken seriously and got under a bonified pain specialist care and started receiving the stronger pain meds that my condition required, it began to change EVERYTHING about my quality of life......well, that coupled with the fact that I had landed 20,000 new friends who understood me .....all in my little 15 inch laptop. .........

By getting a decent amount of relief from the constant agonizing, unrelenting burning pain I was able to gain a bit of a new perspective and as I began to feel more and more comfortable posting, I realized that it was doing me a tremendous amount of good to reach out to others and try to lift others up in the way I was being showered with support.......and it all just seemed to take off from there.......

I guess I am just wondering (hoping) you'll perhaps share a bit more about the medical aspect of you.......You are still young (believe it or not) and if a pain doctor were to address your physical ailments more aggressively as you wait to get a more clear-cut diagnosis, do you think this would turn your perception around as you watch your 'D Day' slip farther and farther into your past?

We really are like family here. We laugh together, we cry together, we get angry together......

Just wondering if you'd give me the honor of sharing on the level of one patient speaking to the next.......do you REALLY TRULY feel as tho you are a 'lost cause' ?
I mean really. I'm thinking if we were to put a hypothetical poll together and ask a generalized question as to whether or not we'd still be here if we followed our worn out painstricken minds and were able to turn our switches 'off' during the worst of our battles.......I'm thinking there maayyyy be about 20 members here rather than 20-some thousand.

Well, in closing, I'd just like to say a 'thank you'.
Thank you for letting your D day go by.
It truly would be a very unfortuneate, not to mention sad thing for us to swallow, had you not logged back on to share more of yourself.
At this point in time and 90-some posts and 2,000 reads......it would be a right out LOSS for us to lose you.

There is something very remarkable about you.
Amongst your very multi-dimensional outlook on things and your gifted penmanship......you could really go far in getting thru to people......

So, if you feel inclined, it would be so wonderful if you would just 'talk' about the health aspect that you briefly summarized in your debut post.
Every one of us are aging as we speak. We WILL all die someday.....by whatever means it may be.......
But, while we have our time together right NOW......try painting a picture with your colourful words. At least one that might portray a man getting better pain relief, a man with a future, not as a 'burden', but one who can reach out to others.......?

We would love to get to know more about you.....

ok, i'm done.....

Rae

wow..very eloquent Rrae...thank you for saying what a lot of us are thinking.

Hello, Rrae: Well, that's quite a post. I think there is a lot of positive energy out there, which you, Rrae, incarnate.

My medical condition in brief: what I have resembles Lyme disease -- but it is not that. I've been tested for it twice. It also resembles Post Polio Syndrome (http://plee.com/pps/ppspamph.htm). ALS, too, in certain ways. My neurologist told me last Monday he doesn't know what I have -- he suspects I was bitten by something -- and has referred me to a top rare disease specialist whose office just called for an appointment (in December). Apparently, there are a number of things running around that resemble Lyme disease and PPS; I did not know that fact a few months ago.

The Lyrica masks the pain well. But the disease is still progressing; it manifests itself mostly in increasing weakness. I huff and puff performing the simplest of tasks -- absurd! Ridiculous! For pain relief, I take loads of paracetamol and ibuprophen. My arthritis specialist gave me a presciption for Artoteck, but I don't like it; it gives me heart burn. And so, a "burning" question for you, Rae: you said you have your pain under control, WHAT ARE YOU TAKING? Thanks ever so much for your response. The Lyrica makes me feel like I'm in the clouds; if I could stop taking it, I would. I've read the horror accounts posted on this site about it; the tradeoff for me, however, would be intolerable pain like I had before.

You asked what I am doing for my mental health? It's right in front of you.

Why did I pick Sept. 9 for D-Day? Because the selection was so arbitrary, random -- that's why. Meaningless -- just like my life itself: and random and so small, so incredibly small, a speck of no importance whatsoever. How's that for a "lost cause"? Useless, like a single grain of dirt. Next time you get into gardening, look at a single piece of dirt in your hand, and wonder...

I'm crying, but it will pass..

20,000 new friends for you! Rrae, look out your small town window and realize you deserve them. Each and every one of them. Every day, in every way...

Bestest,

Tom

Tom

quote

Why did I pick Sept. 9 for D-Day? Because the selection was so arbitrary, random -- that's why. Meaningless -- just like my life itself: and random and so small, so incredibly small, a speck of no importance whatsoever. How's that for a "lost cause"? Useless, like a single grain of dirt. Next time you get into gardening, look at a single piece of dirt in your hand, and wonder...

I'm crying, but it will pass..

Tom

A Single pebble dropped into an ocean......it still creates a ripple effect until the ripple, creates a wave.........and the waves reach new shores.........

Your life has deeply touched mine..........a grain of dirt.....a mere pebble ........your life has crashed into mine, by chance or fate.....who knows........but now I am.............linked to you by association.....like one grain of dirt we become a field of soil.......one pebble,,,,we become a beach..........

We may not agree...........that's OK..........we may see things for what they are.......we may look for deeper meaning...............

but Tom..........your life and all of its tribulations and consequent deliberations......have touched my soul............

We are not exactly alike as individuals.......& thats what makes us human...........

With sincere & kind Regards

David

To Tom, Rrae and anyone else who has pain:

I know MANY people who use medical marijuana for their burning pain. It's legal in some states (don't know if you can get it where you reside), but it's quite different apparently from opiates (in that when you take vicodin, and other stuff, you NEVER go to the bathroom like a normal person), but when they use medical marijuana they don't have that problem.

So have you ever tried medical marijuana (or similar items) for your pain?

Melody

Hello, Melody: Thanks for yours. When I was in college I smoked enough marijuana to know about it. I'd just as soon stay away from it, as it slows everything down, makes me want candy, and for me had a few (minor) withdrawal discomforts, mild headache, etc. I can't see being stoned all day, which is what I'd have to do. I do know that for other people it works wonders; in fact, in Mexico, it is the peasant's aspirin.

Tom

Hi Tom,

I don't post often, I am what is called a "lurker". I accidentally came across this forum and although I have MS and orginally checked out those forums, I have found the "SOS" to be my cyberfamily. I have not been officially diagnosed as having secondary progressive ms. I know that having it "officially" named in my records may affect how my insurance may cover my medications. Although I have significant weakness in my left leg and recently spasticity and have used a cane for years and a scoother for long distances, one of my main problems has been severe pain. I am on 900mg of lyrica, 120mg of cymbalta, 50mg of elavil a day. The pain never really makes it go away, but I can function. I won't go in detail about what function is in my world. I can do that in a another post if you want me to. I also take oxycodone for breakthrough pain which for me is pain so bad I can't do anything. I do smoke marijuana. It does help. I went to a pain management clinic. That's who prescribed the oxycodone. I use to take vicodin, but that didn't help. I have heard nucynta is good for pain. Haven't tried it yet. Would have to go back to the pain clinic-another doctor. The pain clinic also would want me to go monthly to monitor my meds. So far I haven't been back since I got a 90 day script for the oxycodone. They also suggested a neurostimulator which is implanted in your spine. It lasts for 5 years and then you have to get a new battery implanted. They can do a trial to see if it would work. Just thought I'd put my two cents worth in. I have been lurking and following your posts.

I'm glad you joined our family.

Doxie

......orrr Brownies? Not sure the 'politically correct' way to go here but I'm MORE than willing to 'pass that peace pipe'..........obviously I'm not current with how the legal route works......I 'think' the cancer doctor I work for can prescribe 'Marinol', which I'm assuming is a pill ?
I think Colorado has these little 'apothecary-type' places in which you can literally walk up to a window and get some? Mark? Can you weigh in on this, from that Mountain you reside upon??

But......for legal reasons.........and fear of 'lurking' medication-scouts....I mayyyy have been around it in my earlier years...

...but i never inhaled

......and Tom,......I will love to respond to your post and I will....but to be quite frank, I'm a bit choked up and teary-eyed from your response to mine....so....I will collect myself and be back later.....

"Thank You" is all I can seem to come up with at the present moment

Rae