...Im in a bad place A.G.A.I.N.... and again, and again.... until when ?? why ?? what for ??

I was coping with living pretty good if you ask me... I had very very bad/dark days during 2010, but I survived... I wasnt taking anything...

Now, Im on prozac again... crying all day... hating my life again... feeling extremely lonely again... asking God everynight why wouldnt he give me a family... I swear I have love to give... I love my friends, I love my mom, some relatives, I loved my dog... I WANT A FAMILY... Im almost 30... I want babies... a man... CANT GOD UNDERSTAND THAT ??

I work so hard all week at the lab, and all my frustrations or triumphs I dont have anybody to share them with.... I mean, I do... my mother, who doesnt give a ****, is not my age... my dad doesnt care and I dont even bother telling him my things...

If my feelings wasnt enough creepy, my doggie passed away 15 days ago... just a reminder of how lonely I am...

Im once again in the what for ? why ? mood... I hate to wake up... I feel sad all the time...

Im tired of praying... Im tired of my feelings, of this solitude...

How I wish I was a nasty rock without feelings.

Welcome back Blue. You were missed. Just a thought - have you ever tried a church as a place to meet a good guy? They're out there - you just have to go where they are.

Aw dear Barbo

I seriously feel like I could explode... Where to find the right person... That's precisly what I want to know you know... Church sounds like a good place to me... I just go to a church where only old ladies pray... Maybe I need to move to a different town... Which actually I would love to, I just can't right now

I'm slightly better than a couple of hours ago... At least it feels like I don't have tears left

Hey my friend... its spring... (well, from the freaky weather we've been having in Canada and the US... maybe not.... ) but.... that reminds me of a song that I used to sing...

"in the spring, a young man's fancy lightly turns to love" or something like that... and in the spring... things bloom... birds tweet, babies are born... everything is fresh and new.... and for those of us who don't have the love of a partner its a time we're reminded that perhaps we're missing something...

and then you lost your dog... good grief my friend... you're grieving ...

and now you're on an anti-depressant... it will kick in soon... and numb some of this pain... perhaps give you some of that "I don't care" feeling... I dunno... I honestly don't know the answer...

one thing I do know, though... is we have to love ourselves first... and that's not easy

do you journal? it might be a good idea to write down all that you are grateful for... perhaps even start a gratitude thread here... we can all take turns writing down what made us smile ... (I'm glad I made you smile on facebook today!! )

As I walked along in the sunshine today a woman, a bit younger than me, started talking to me and saying how difficult it was to walk because she had twisted her ankle... and then she said... well, I just beat cancer so I guess this new pain is just reminding me how lucky I am that I'm alive!
And I smiled and said, yes, and I have heartburn... and I'm alive too!

Not that I'm grateful for heartburn!!!

You have the depression monster again. Those of us with constant battles of depression need to remember it will pass again. But getting help from professionals is a good step in that they help you get past whatever problems you carry so that those depressive episodes get fewer and farther apart. Be sure to keep going on that Prozac and if after a few weeks it isn't helping, ask your doc if you should up the dose.

That's what my doc did after my major depressive episode January, February, and March. It's helped, but so does seeing my therapist.

Depression sucks! It's difficult for a lot of people to understand why we can't just snap out of it. Depression makes any of our thoughts more pronounced. I hope you feel better soon. ♥

And I just lost my senior citizen cat, Tink, on Monday. That grief makes things a little bit harder, but it too will pass with time. ♥

My dear singer friend I read your message last night but the only lamp I had in my bedroom broke and I couldnt see the keyboard to type !! argh... yeterday was one of those days that definetely nothing could go ok...

Thanks for your message. It helped me a lot to read it. Today I just feel empty... Not as sad as yesterday, but I still wish I wasnt here...
I simply dont like my life as it is.

It is weird because at the same time I feel Im wasting my time at this life...

Doody Im so tired of this monster... I actually had to scream last night "Leave me alone stupid feeling!" I was so tired... all my family went to have meal in a chinese resto and I couldnt go because I was so depressed, crying and wanting to die... stupidity.

I do think I will start a journal... somtimes I do need to write, write and write...

Hi Blue.. Sorry you are feeling so bad, I hope things get better soon..
I saw your pictures in your signature line, "lights will guide you home"
that's a great song.. really like it..
Anyway, feel better, dns

Thank you dnserror

I really want those lights to guide me...

me too...

what do you do in a lab? Clinical or research?

Buy yourself a pretty journal... and a nice pen - one that you enjoy writing with (gel pens are kinda neat!)...

Trust me... years from now you'll look back and be amazed at how far you've come... and what is quite amazing is that you'll likely learn that what makes you who you are today (your basic beliefs and values) will still be there. Its helpful to gauge your personal development/changes... always be true to who you are. I sometimes use a different coloured pen and update my thoughts a couple of years later.. depending on the circumstances.

Sometimes I think... what if someone find this... then I figure... oh well.... I'm doing it for me... not them... so if it doesn't make sense, then who cares!

Anyway... out you go to buy that special book.... tell me about it

Addy