[Addy]

The demon has a hold on my ... and I don't know how to pull out...

I feel overwhelmed

I'm scared... not that I'll take my life... because I haven't gone so far as to figure out what I'd do...

I'm scared because I don't know what to do...

I think money scares me more than anything...

it always has... from being a little girl watching her mommy cry at the kitchen table...

I don't know what to do.

I want a magic pill.

I am at a stand still ... and can't seem to motivate myself to do things... even easy things like eat...

Its hard to get out and buy the food.

No... please don't worry about me...

I need to write this down and to admit to you - my friends...

I'm just so tired of being up and down all the time....

my favourite time of day is bed time... and I need to watch the tv to get to sleep... I don't read anymore... except on the internet

I also like morning .... which is usually later than earlier... as I love my cup of coffee

And then I sit until at least noon... finding things to do on the internet... thinking about things I could do to get myself moving...

then I eat and sit again....

and I really think I should delete this but I won't...

I'm going to hit submit new thread

then I'm going to try and do some house things then clean myself and get out to buy food and the supplies I need to cook Thanksgiving for my family tomorrow night....

I wish I could tell my family how I am feeling...

I'm so scared to keep living this way but don't want to do the work it takes to get through this...

I think I'll phone my sister....

Please don't worry... I'm not going to do anything...

and please forgive me...

for wanting to quit everything...