[Addy]

The demon has a hold on my ... and I don't know how to pull out...

I feel overwhelmed

I'm scared... not that I'll take my life... because I haven't gone so far as to figure out what I'd do...

I'm scared because I don't know what to do...

I think money scares me more than anything...

it always has... from being a little girl watching her mommy cry at the kitchen table...

I don't know what to do.

I want a magic pill.

I am at a stand still ... and can't seem to motivate myself to do things... even easy things like eat...

Its hard to get out and buy the food.

No... please don't worry about me...

I need to write this down and to admit to you - my friends...

I'm just so tired of being up and down all the time....

my favourite time of day is bed time... and I need to watch the tv to get to sleep... I don't read anymore... except on the internet

I also like morning .... which is usually later than earlier... as I love my cup of coffee

And then I sit until at least noon... finding things to do on the internet... thinking about things I could do to get myself moving...

then I eat and sit again....

and I really think I should delete this but I won't...

I'm going to hit submit new thread

then I'm going to try and do some house things then clean myself and get out to buy food and the supplies I need to cook Thanksgiving for my family tomorrow night....

I wish I could tell my family how I am feeling...

I'm so scared to keep living this way but don't want to do the work it takes to get through this...

I think I'll phone my sister....

Please don't worry... I'm not going to do anything...

and please forgive me...

for wanting to quit everything...

[Alffe]

Addy....please call your doctor and tell him/her how you are feeling...tell the dr. honestly so you can get the help you need. I am amazed at how much better I am feeling since taking this "calming" pill...yes, sometimes I think of it as a magic pill.

There is no shame in needing help...do call your sister too.

I'm glad you trust us enough to share what you are feeling...you aren't alone.

[Addy]

Alffeeee, could you please pm me with what your magic pill is?

I've been on the same one for many years now... different strengths...

Life is simply overwhelming me because I feel so alone even tho I'm not.

I did a few things since writing earlier - the washing machine is going, the dishwasher is on - clothes put away, bed made, floor swept... showered...

now its time for make- up and a walk once I get to the outdoor mall....

maybe I'll buy myself a hat I want a hat to keep my head (and ears) warm in the winter....

Yes, I'll tell my doctor this week - this is always a tough time of year for lots of us.... my 3 sons birthdays, thanksgiving, christmas...

This, too, shall pass.

[Wren]

((( Addy ))) Like Alffe said -- get some help. It's out there and waiting for you.

[barbo]

We're with you Addy. Why does life have to be so hard sometimes?

[Lara]

You know when I first met you and your sister online and you knew I had no sisters, you said I could be your other sister. Thank you for being so generous. I hold you both very dear to my heart. It's been a long tough journey. I know.

It's ok my dear Addysis. I often want to quit everything too. You gotta hold on there. I figure you've been triggered by talk/memories of your father maybe. ? Your whole family has been through so much as I know well, I'm sure if you confided in them they would help as they're the most loving and caring of people.

I enjoyed a totally incredible Canadian Thanksgiving in company with you and your sis and her family and a special friend. Wow, how the time has flown and so much has happened.

I think we were about 5 hours late for dinner, but the company and the food was incredible. First time I ever tasted pumpkin pie in my entire life and that strawberry and baby spinach salad was incredible.

Sorta freaked me out a little that the bears came down into the yards at night to rummage through the bins. It was neat to see them up there in the hills, but having them rummage through the bins in the yard was a little different for me.

Will contact you. You're not alone at all. Never forget that Addy.

This too shall pass, but sometimes we need company to help it pass less painfully. Wish, as I said many threads ago, that I could go walk on that beach with you.

Love you. You're a true friend.

[jaded2nite]

{{{{addy}}}}

[Katiebell]

Addy, you're totally doing the right thing by reaching out!! Everything else has been said it seems, so I'll just say I CARE AND I GET IT!!!!

[Addy]

good morning everyone... and thank you!

Its Thanksgiving here in Canada... and soon, I'll be stuffing that turkey and getting him into the oven ... no pumpkin pie (((Lara)))... it will be birthday cake - two of my sons have their b-days this week - 30 and 34!!

Today is better than yesterday even though its raining... I'm grateful that I poured out my heart ... went for a walk ... bought/ate some food... called my sister ((and talked to my cyber-sisters!))

Thanks, dear Alffe, for telling me what your magic pill is... lol... to everyone else- its the same one I take AND I take twice the amount she does.... so... time to discuss this with my doc again.

My sister was at her summer place - cooking her turkey outside! and planning to eat around the campfire - we made a decision for me to go up and visit the family in November.... I hope I can fit it in around my chorus performances.

It really does make a difference to have you all rally around me - thank you so much!

[waves]

Dear Addy,

I am sorry it is so hard right now. Sometimes a holiday (or bunches of holidays/anniversaries clumped together as you have this week) can stress us out ... even would-be joyous days, if we are vulnerable, can take a toll.

I am glad you will be talking to your doctor about tweaking meds.

I love Thanksgiving - which isn't celebrated this side of the ocean - and i miss it. My mother however tries to honor it for me a little by making turkey-somethingorother, which i think is sweet. One thing i do at the table which my parents often do not do very seriously, is ask each of us to say something we are thankful for.

One thing i am thankful for, Addy, is YOU.

Lara's description of your Thanksgiving meal together sounded wonderful. I'm sure whatever you prepared is/was delicious and that your family was... also thankful for your meal, your presence, for YOU.

Pulling for you to make it through today, and every day.

~ waves ~ with lots of love your way