What is your emergency rooms like? Is there a hospital somewhere near you?. I know in this country they will not turn you away. If you presented with this kind of pain and troulbe with thyroid, I cannot believe they would turn you away. Maybe this would be an option to at least try. Go in yelling if you have to, but tell someone what you are experiencing. do not go quietly into the night. Do you have emergency help lines by phone? Ginnie

Hi Ginnie,

I really appreciate your openness in sharing your hardships. I am humbled to realize I am not alone. In sharing your reality, you are sharing hope.

I don't mean to take away from the reason we are all responding to this thread for kittycapucine. I just want to let Ginnie know how much reading her responses has helped me!

I know that I am very lucky not to have any major physical ailments as my mental is debilitating enough. Luckily I have huge support (here, doctor, friends, family) and each time I've felt like leaving this life... I've pulled out of it.... because something truly wonderful happens (magic moments with my 3 yr old Granddaughter or singing with my Chorus). So much in life is worth staying alive for.

Don't let the depression demon win.

I truly hope we're helping you (((kittycapucine))))

Dear addy, thank you. We are not alone in our sorrows. I hope I can help this dear person not to loose hope. People have done the same for me. When I read kittys post, it makes me want to reach out, just to let her know there is a human that cares about her. I know when I am at my lowest, somebody like you comes alone and lets me know there is still hope and good humans around. Be good to yourself I care about you too. ginnie

Hi Kitty,

I also hate doctors because of their complete disregard for their patients' opinions. In fact, the only doctors that have EVER helped me have been the ones in urgent care, they tend to listen a little bit better. I know the waiting sucks at urgent care or the ER, but maybe they'll be willing to help more.

I agree. Many (most) doctors refuse to even consider their patients suggestions. If it's not THEIR idea they completely disregard it. Is this arrogance? It makes my blood boil.

I wonder if I can post my opinion about most physicians (and all health care) ...... They charge a fortune and do nothing. g-r-r-r-r-r-r-r

I am thinking about you this morning. I know that doctors can ignor you. I so hope that someone will pay attention to you and listen. doctors are in such a position of power over a human, they have the power to make our lives bearable, or sheer hell. I hope you find the good one, where your suffering will be less. Some day our doctos will need a doctor, maybe then they will understand what people go through. There was a movie out awhile back where a doctor got cancer of the throat. He had been a heatless doctor before he became sick. After his ordeal, he turned into a compassionate healer, and changed his tune. Let them in our shoes for just a minute, and they would change. Please find one moment of joy today, even if it is tiny. I am here and won't forget about you. I face my terror of the dentist today, and I am not so brave eithor. I care about you. ginnie

Hi, Addy:

Like I said in one of my previous messages, my family does not care about me. Besides that, I have no friends and coworkers who care about me. I remember, for example, my mother telling me several times: "Go kill yourself if you are that unhappy." It might seem hard to believe for anyone who has not heard it or who never had a family member talk to him/her this way, but this is the truth and I know God knows it and believes me. My family would be more than happy to see me gone. They told me several times: "Why do you stay here and bother us with your presence? Go away and kill yourself so we can be rid of you!"

I would rather die right now than go to a psychiatric hospital as a 5150. The French psychiatric hospitals and French psychiatrists in French Polynesia (where I live) are not 1% as good as American psychiatric hospitals and American psychiatrists. All the French psychiatrists in the French psychiatric hospitals know to do is to tell you that you are nuts and then, they give you shots to shut you up. By the way, how could they help me?! By locking me up for the rest of my life?! As long as my thyroiditis is there and no one does anything to alleviate the unbearable and horrible symptoms this thyroid gives me, I will continue wanting to die.

Thanks for your kind words and prayers but I think this thyroiditis problem is the last straw that broke the camel's back. As each day goes by, I hate my thyroid more and more. There is not a day that goes by without my punching, pinching, pulling, and pressing very hard on my detestable thyroid.

Hi, Alffe. Thanks for your kindness and for your prayer for my baby. If no one takes care of my thyroid problems, he might very well find himself motherless; after all, I feel sooo, sooo bad because of my unbearable, horrible thyroid symptoms I cannot even play my mother's role with him.

Hi, ginnie:

I think that if I am successful in finding another endocrinologist, he will ask to see the medical records concerning my thyroid and its problems, which is a normal thing for any endocrinologist to do if he is going to take care of my thyroid problems. When this new endocrinologist sees that I already consulted another endocrinologist, he will ask me why I quit seeing the first one. I cannot avoid answering this question; if I do, he will simply call the first endocrinologist to get his answers and this endocrinologist will say bad things about me to the new endocrinologist on the phone, just like he said bad things about me to my primary care physician in a letter. When I tell him what happened with this first endocrinologist, he will not want to medically care for me anymore because he will consider me as a "problem patient", if you see what I mean. French Polynesia is such a small island that there are very few endocrinologists there. I think there are two to three endocrinologists in the whole French Polynesia.

Quote: "Not all doctors will consider you invisible. Not all doctors are bad." I would so, so much like to believe this and regain my trust in doctors again but I still have not succeeded. I read a proverb that says it is easier to lose one's trust than to regain it.

Quote: "Have you considered walking into an emergency room and explain about your RSD and the thyroid sufferings?" The ER doctors in French Polynesia always tell me they only take life or limb threatening emergencies and not benign problems such as those caused by my RSD and by my thyroid. They claim my pain is all in my head. They do not believe me when I tell them my problems are as bad as I say. No wonder I do not trust doctors anymore.

Quote: "What about going to the newspaper and try to get your story out there." If I was in the U.S., maybe American newspapers would have been interested in my story, but in French Polynesia, which I call "hell hole", the French newspapers would just ignore me. I might as well be dead for them.

Quote: "Yet briefly there will come some little bit of joy into life that will let me know all is not lost." I am still waiting for this little bit of joy into my life. I am waiting, and waiting, and waiting... No joy comes my way...

On the 25th of this month, I will be 37 years old. I already lost several teeth because I cannot afford crowns, which cost at least U.S. $ 1,000 each.

Thanks for your answer, information, and kindness.