What do YOU do when you're invited...

To an open house ... on Boxing Day (Dec. 26 to Non-Canadians)... and you don't know if you want go?

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WHY don't I want to go?


.... I'd love to be able to answer this question without anxiety.

As I attempt ... here on this screen ... to type reasons why I am anxious...

I become more anxious.

So... I rationalize - and let it go.

Enjoy the next week... and decide on the day.... whether or not you I will attend.

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What do YOU do when you're invited...?

I hear you loud and clear Ms Addy. I have been cautioned against becoming an isolationist but can't help myself. We are going to a Christmas party at a very old friends house tonight and I dread it!!! Had another long time friend come visit me yesterday, or was it Thursday and I told her she really didn't know me very well. ????? The look on her face said it all. I hate to inflict myself on people I care about. ~sigh

I may have to delete this post...too honest, scares me!

I totally understand.... we get invited to parties every year, and Rick thinks we need to accept all invitations so as not to offend anybody.... honestly, I'm very much a homebody and unless i've made vacation plans or something i'm uncomfortable in social situations.... sigh......

Thank you for inviting me but I can't make it.

Oh, thanks. I really can't make it.

No, I can't make it.

No, I can't make it.

lol lol, (big smile) I've said no 4 times. Why do you keep asking me?

I'm learning to do this and IT WORKS. It's not easy but it gets easier.
So far this season I've said "no" twice and it worked.

All of my life, I have always tried to push myself past my comfort zone in the past. You know... feel the fear and do it anyway, sort of stuff. Heading off the anxiety.

These days, I'm different. I'm finally learning to say no, but thankyou.

I don't even try to make up excuses anymore.

From time to time, I'll leave it until the day or the evening and see how it goes. I don't like having appointments because I become very anxious if I have an appointment or date set to do something. I tend to over-think it all and it sits in my mind constantly and that's when the anxiety sets in, but then again I am a bit of a hermit (or isolationist as Alffe said lol).

I live in a very social little cul-de-sac here. I'm the odd one out but that's ok. They're all finally getting used to me saying 'no thanks'. I prefer to do things spontaneously because there are so many variables. I deal with terrible vertigo and it's something that other people can't see so they don't understand that it's just not possible for me to be stumbling around the neighbourhood like they all can. It's hard enough to get down the driveway some days, let alone sit around with a whole heap of people all talking at once and then have to wander home in the dark wishing I'd stayed home.

Addy, I thought of something else when I went away just now.

It's different I think if someone is actually setting a place at a table anticipating our arrival for dinner or something, but when it's an open house or a very casual gathering, I sometimes just say thank you very much, that sounds great and I will come if I can. That leaves the situation open (and without excuses) and then I can decide at the last minute if it's something I am able to do, or really want to do or not. By the time everyone gets chatting and enjoying themselves I've found that my non-arrival at those types of casual events isn't often noticed. lol

Sometimes I do go for a little while. It depends, but at least there is no pressure.

This situation is ideal really because it doesn't cause anyone any grief or anxiety and heck, that's what it's all about. We can do without having to feel badly about not arriving somewhere when we don't really want to be there.

I'm so glad I started this thread!

I appreciate your responses more than you can imagine!

The exact minute that I finished proof-reading my post, the telephone rang and it was my sister, Sparkle. I hit "Submit Reply" and ... we started talking about invites...

Last week I had my "gut" telling me not to carpool with a certain friend who is a very negative soul.
I didn't listen to my gut and as a result, was subjected to her slanderous gossip.
My guts rolled for 2 days after that experience.

I listen to all of you here... and I know I am in very special company. The company of those who know and understand.

If it's someone that I genually want to spend time with I'll go (even though I know I would get all the horrible anxiety). But if it's not with people who are really important to me then I won't even think about going.

Of course I've only been invited to do something roughly twice in known history, and since then I've lost all interest in getting out and doing anything, so... umm... maybe you shouldn't try to be like me.