[hippiechick]

This is a hard thing for me to admit....but, I find at this time of year, I am really 'jealous', I guess, of people who've 'overcome' or are dealing with and are winning the fight with brain injuries. I'm glad that Gabby Giffords is getting better and has come so far. I'm glad that Bob Woodward (I think that's his last name....the reporter from ABC who was injured in Iraq while reporting). But I just wonder who works it out....who decides who's good enough to live and who isn't?

My oldest brother was severely brain injured in 1981...he was in a coma/vegetative state for 25 years, 1 month and 10 days. He never opened his eyes, never spoke, never was able to move....I was so tempted to unplug his respirator when it first happened, and the only reason that I didn't was because he had 2 young children who were more like my brother and sister than my own brothers and sister. He was much older than me...more like a 'dad'....but I'm sorry that I didn't unplug him. I know he wouldn't have wanted to be like that for that period of time. Not when there was no hope.

Everytime I hear stories about someone 'coming back from the brink of death' it makes me really wonder....who decides....why one person over another? What makes one person's life better than another....or more worth saving than another? My sister-in-law (this brother's wife) was killed in a wreck with my brother driving just 5 years before, so didn't his kids need him, since they didn't have their mom? It's hard to explain....'jealous' I guess just sums it up best at this point. And I know that seems silly to be jealous of someone living but that's the only word I can think of.

[barbo]

You have cause to be hurt and sad after witnessing the slow demise of your brother. Medicine has gone too far when it comes to keeping people alive artificially. A living will and DNR orders help but do not always get the "victim's" wishes respected. I'm sorry you all had to go through that. (((Hippiechick)))

[thelonely1]

My mom was on a resperator for a few days before my dad told them to pull the plug. She was lucky she had him there to do that for her. She occationally opened her eyes, but there was no one inside... just automatic bodily functions. We all knew there was no real hope of her ever waking up again. I'm sorry you had to be the one to make those decisions for your brother.

I like to think that it's God who decides who pulls through and who doesn't, but there are an infinate number of things that could effect it, from age to genetics to their previous lifestyle. Ultimately though I think the best we can call it is sheer luck. There are so many things we'll just never understand no matter how much we want to.

[Addy]

((((Hippiechick)))))
Well, my friend, I believe its perfectly natural to have these thoughts... and I see them as somewhat of a mood changer for you... all these things that are out of our control make us wonder so much

I like to think that only your brother and all those passing before us can really tell us why their bodies left this world when they did. I believe they are still living on... in more ways than we will know until we're there, too.

[hippiechick]

I tend to think that it's money....those who have it are treated better and more willingly than those who don't. I think it's as simple as that...my big bro was a 'nobody' in comparison to the ones who've survived their injuries. Therefore, they were worth 'investing' in....and going to the extremes to help. My bro wasn't wealthy, he wasn't worth it...simple, really. I guess it sounds very bitter and maybe it is, right now. It just comes and goes....I'm not always like this...I think it's just the season....I need to stop thinking about everything! And today is the 39th anniversary of my mom's death...I've been without her far, far longer than I had her in my life and I guess I just miss her. I guess you just don't stop missing a mom....no matter how old you are!

Yes, hubby and I have everything taken care of for ourselves so there's no doubt what we would want and everyone we know has heard us say what we want; anyone, please feel free to 'pull my plug'...lol. Seriously, though, I'm not going to a hospital, so there will never be any doubt of anything! I tend to stay away from people who could ever possibly make those decisions!!! Sworn them off like the plague!!! LOL...I think that could sound just a 'wee bit' paranoid, huh?

[barbo]

No it doesn't sound paranoid but you'd BETTER have it in writing or you might end up somewhere against your wishes.

[Addy]

I think surviving often has a lot to do with how much money a person has... but I also think it has to do with a person's "will" to live as well. I know there are a lot of reasons a body gives up fighting an illness or an accident... and there are a lot of hopeless "cases".... but that said, I still am amazed when someone lives through what others call hopeless. That's where I think will to live takes over.

Today would have been my Mom's birthday - she's been gone 2 years now. I went out for a walk and saw Mom's best friend. My Mom always nagged me to visit with her friend and I always put her off thinking - its your friend, mom, not mine! Well, I saw her struggle to get through the door of a store - she had her walker.... I kept walking... and well, to be honest, I struggled with my mind for a bit... but then... I just turned around... because I knew how HAPPY my mom would have been if I could report back to her about her best friend. I'm so glad I did! And I'm so glad my Mom "saw" me visit with her!!!

Addy

[FeelinGoofy]

Addy you are a jewel.... {{{{HUGS}}}}} love you much

[hippiechick]

Good for you, Addy! I'm glad that you did that. Sometimes it's hard to do those little extra things but I think that we're the ones who are blessed by them.

Thanks to all of you who answered this post. It was just a momentary bump in the road for me; I'd spoken with one of my brother's children over the holiday's. She's just so much more of a 'little sister' than a niece...we're just 4 years apart in age. I guess it just brought up old memories....anyway, they're 'put away' now, I hope. Well, as much as possible, I think.

It's always nice to know that you're all 'out there'....my family...you know what I mean? I have so much family...and hardly any of it is blood family. The vast majority of it is just 'pick up' family...if that's possible. I don't really believe that 'blood is thicker than water'....it hasn't always worked for me...I was adopted at 17 years old...yikes...not a lot of people would want to do that....and these people already had 5 kids of their own! They are very special people to me and taught me so much...actually taught me to love...they.....shudder....hugged me...the first night I was in their home and it scared me to death....ewwww...who did that????? But, they did teach me so much and I am forever grateful for them. I'm afraid that I'd be terribly cold and detached without having met them...*grin.