No need to apologize Doody. That's why I've always felt so alone and was one of the reasons I joined NT besides the BP diagnosis. But I couldn't get the words to come out and I held in.

I'm so sorry about your sister Doody. I lost a good friend to cervical cancer and....well it doesn't matter.

I'm sure she did Doody and my heart goes out to you. Cancer is such a cruel disease.

i am not sure if this is the right way to say this or feel this but here it goes::i feel like i am a survivor of suicide everyday since i have lost so many important people in my life and the use of most of my own body...there isn't a day that goes by without me thinking of leaving this painful life--but then someone says how important i am to them or how much they need me around that i say ok not today..but i am just so tired and depressed..but still hanging on (if even by a hair) and trying to deal with all that my life is trowing at me..one after another after another for the last 14 years...thank you all for being so understanding-- moonstar

Moonstar, you said it perfectly. Fighting that beast is an ongoing battle and winning the fight is the important thing. I'm sorry you have so much pain in your life and I so admire you for hanging in there. Fourteen years is a very long time to battle...this is the place to talk about "it".