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08-05-2014, 09:33 AM | #1 | |||
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Grand Magnate
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hello to all
might i just add as many forums apply to this woman a mother of four 33,31,30 and my 16 year old grandmother of one 3 1/2 i have custody of suicide is a part of this family my father killed himself at 48 hand gun to the heart now my family all come to give it a try from my epileptic daughter oldest attempted in her late 20's my son second child tried several times bi-polar after he left home in his 20's also this has all come to light as i expressed i don't want to go on anymore but i can't it's not an option and i have been hanging on even harder i have been hanging on since i was a toddler watched my father rape my mother when we were in S. Africa we left that country when i was 5 so you see my fingers really hurt my 16 year old left last week today as she walked out the door to get the laundry that was in the drier she never came home and it wasn't 24 hours as she text me she was safe this was a lie she walked the streets all night as my condition heads in the direction of eventual difficulties i will not be able to do as there is a decline from last summer to this summer the immobility just enough for me to see and assess she left just like that and as the time came i needed to call her father he responds "and here i go getting pulled into this turd" and as i call him she was text-ing me if she could come home i had to let him know for i would have had to contact the authorities and put out an Amber alert SHE COMES HOME her father asking me to tell my daughter not to speak of her sexuality as she is gay as my son is i have no issue with this apparently her father did as like he said to her things get back to him my daughters girlfriend happens to live several houses from my daughters father i have had my daughters girlfriend at my home now i ask my daughter i really needed to know how is it that you could walk out this door and just leave she tells me things were just to overwhelming much of it girlfriend related having to help me with Eva there is only one problem i am giving her a break to enjoy life a bit before bogging down and getting her GED and to get back on the horse she is open to therapy here goes i ask her "what is it that you are not paying attention too as i am an open book to my children hope to have been a good role model a single parent and raised them only with the help of God as my ex-husband was obsessed with me and controlling this was one of the times i felt the Holy Spirit and heard you will be okay and i packed his bags and its been 30 years December 30,1984 he lost sight of his children i have my love child 14 years later another problematic situation as i met him in recovery i take care of my drinking i am also a recovering alcoholic 22 years and understand clearly only one thing for absolute certainty no matter what was in the cards it left me responsible for me and that's it and my children in a different way i told my daughter i love them i fight everyday to want to stay alive and it is the bottom line every day i fight to stay alive for her and her siblings granddaughter i have 2 sisters who need me i have to fight everyday to stay alive for her and my granddaughter and that yes it comes down to helping me where i can't do it anymore physically and i have to bare the idea that any one of us and everyone of us tried "it" so i told her haven't you figured out at this time in your life things don't happen by themselves and i have been stripped of my strength and maimed in the process each of you children took at least 10 years each of my life and just when it is a time i could be free to be free and live a little will never be in a form of a vacation but to know my children are doing well and are happy and reach out to Jesus Christ when they feel they have no one i told my daughter i fight everyday for her and the rest of THEM my family in Jesus name amen
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