I frequently bump up old threads Sam in the hopes that you will read and learn what others have found and tried to help with their depression.
Please know that you have a lot of people here that care about you.

Hi everyone,


Wanted to update you all because I have not posted in a while. Everything is the STILL the same sadly. I have not seen any improvement in therapy yet.


Life is just a constant nightmare. Two or three years ago, I would have never thought this is how I would be living my life. I don't do anything. I stay in the house all day because I feel like nothing is real.



One thing that my acupressurist recommended that I'm doing is getting everything checked out through hair. It's basically just like a blood test, checking all my vitamins, minerals, etc, through hair folecules. For example, if someone has a calcium deficiency it sometimes does not show up on blood tests but it does through hair. This doctor treats there patients through supplements.


I thought it was worth the try. I mean, just to 100% make sure that nothing physical is going on. There have been people who went to hundreds of doctors (like me) and found nothing, but went to get there testing done through hair and found an underlying disease or problem.

If something shows up, great. If nothing, I keep going in the direction I already am.

Sam this is an excellent idea.
I wish you well.
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi

Hi Sam. Although I have been a member of this forum for some time now, this is my first post. I normally just lurk in the background on the PCS/TBI forum and find stories that are relative to my own personal experience, and just read what others have to say. That's where I discovered your story, and that's why I am writing this now, because your story is so similar to my own.

I am 26 years old. I have also been very intelligent my entire life.I received a concussion 5 months ago. I suffered the usual symptoms as a result: nausea, headaches, brain fog.... these only lasted a few days. Not knowing any better I continued my routine of playing rugby, working long hours, and sleeping very little.

I had a fractured rib as well, and was unaware. When I noticed the severity of the pain in my side one day, having had severe anxiety my entire life, my mind jumped to horrible and outlandish conclusions. I then noticed a lightheaded feeling. I now believe that this feeling was my PCS, intensified by my anxiety, which was intensified by my PCS. A vicious cycle.

I was experiencing this lightheadedness constantly and sought desperately to find an answer. The longer it took, the more it consumed me. It became linked with a foggy feeling. One doctor finally asked me about any recent head trauma. Eureka! My concussion! He diagnosed me with PCS and referred me to a neurologist.

Being the person that I am, I immediately started reading up on PCS. My mind jumped to the worse possible outcome, permanent brain damage, or life threatening diseases. With this, my anxiety spiraled out of control and the depersonalization hit. Like you, I had experienced this before, but it has always gone away. This time it hasn't. Yet.

I haven't recieved much help from the neurologist. He tells me it takes time.

I began to have suicidal thoughts. I know that there is no way I want to live like this forever.

I've tried rest. Complete rest. No video games. No work. No TV. But I still have my anxiety. It is flooding my brain with toxins and causing my concussion to linger. The mental fatigue that we suffer from due to concussion is directly related to the brain fog. Which, upon acknowledgement of, is linked to the depersonalization/derealization, the complete lack of emotion, and the depression.

I, like you, don't really want to give up on life. That's why a few weeks ago, I realized that I will do whatever it takes to be happy again. I realized what that was, and it has given me hope. I need to stop dwelling on it. I know, easier said than done. And certainly easier at some times than others. However feeding this demon only makes it worse.

So, when I feel this awful fog from the moment I wake up until the moment I finally fall asleep, I no longer think about it as this hellish nightmare, but simply as a symptom of my PCS that WILL go away... if I let it.

And guess what? Yesterday wasn't a good day. But it was definitely BETTER than every day for the last 5 months. Today is worse again. But now I have hope. And you should too.

What I am trying to say, Sam, is that I don't believe that there is a magical treatment for this. But there is a way out. It's a day-to-day dogfight, tooth and nail. You will probably not notice improvement. But it will happen. As long as you are able to separate your anxiety from your PCS.

For me, I am having to truly convince myself that I will get better, and that this dreaded fog will go away in time. Just associate it with your healing brain, and not with something being wrong with you. Get a grip on your toxic thoughts however you can.

I am very young, and you are even younger. We both have that on our side. You will be a great man in the future. You have your entire life ahead of you, you just have to want it more than anything that you've ever wanted.

I am experiencing this nightmare with you. I already know how tough you are just for having dealt with it for this long. Just know that I am in your corner, I hope that you will be in mine.

I've been on my phone way too much today. Your brain doesn't heal if you don't let it. Keep in touch.

-Peter

P.S.: I noticed that dedicating whatever energy I have to helping others instead of worrying about myself has helped me deal with this more than anything. It is something that I used to do effortlessly, but this condition has made me apathetic and completely selfish. Focus on this everyday, and in time you WILL heal. It is a daily struggle to do so and to still work on yourself, but I promise you that it is possible. Just gotta walk the fine line brotha.

-Peter

Excellent Posts, Peter, I am glad you decided to share. Am very sorry you are going through the same ordeal as Sam, but know that we are all here for you as we are for him.

Do continue to Post in the moments you allow yourself screentime, you clearly have a lot to give and the support here is second-to-none.

Oh, and Welcome!

Dave.

Oh I hope Sam comes back soon and gets acquainted with Peter! Welcome and thank you for sharing

Hi peter,



I'm sorry to here what you are going through. I hope you get healed and feel better soon. It does sound similar to me, however the thing is I don't know if PCS is still the cause for my symptoms. It's been almost 2 years, and I find it hard to believe my brain is still healing from when I hit my head playing football in October of 2014.


You mentioned that even if your day was not good, that today is a better day and you notice improvement. For me, every day is the exact same. No change. Every single second that passes nothing changes. My body is always numb. I'm always so tired. My head is always hurting. Always. I don't understand why people like me and you have to suffer. Where is god right now? Why cant he help?


I've had little bits of motivation here and there to get better, but I can't find any motivation anywhere anymore. I just don't know. I'm hoping that one day therapy will make me feel better, or that I will find a underlying cause, but until then, I'm stuck. And it sure as hell sucks.

Thank you for the concern and greetings everyone

Sam,
When I say a better day, I don't meant that the fog went away. I mean that I was able to recognize and stop my anxiety with nothing but the power of my thoughts. I felt slightly more alive and even enjoyed myself a bit, in the fog. I wasn't able to do this today, sometimes it's harder to control my thoughts in my weakened mental state. I still consider it a success.

I know that it is incredibly hard to stay positive, when day after day it's the same. I've never been a particularly positive person myself. But I do remember how happy I used to be. The feelings may allude me, but the memories are there. And that is something worth fighting for.

I believe that you are on the right track with therapy. I believe that controlling your anxiety is step number one.

Increased depression and anxiety is a common side effect of brain injuries. And those with preexisting conditions (i.e. depersonalization) usually have those conditions intensified severely after the brain injuries. Whether or not you are still dealing with your injury, I believe that injury may have caused your condition.

Us intellectual folk usually associate ourselves with our intelligence, it's how we've always known ourselves to be. The simple post-concussion "daze" could be just that to most people, but to us, I feel as if it is something that we dwell on, and try to figure out, or to beat in some way. We are concerned about the compromised state of our intelligence, either consciously or subconsciously, and our anxious mind works effortlessly to fix something that, if we just give time, will fix itself. You brain then shuts off your emotional responses to things in order to "safeguard" your body, wreaking havoc on your mind.

Like I said before, I don't believe that the improvements will happen overnight, nor will they probably be very noticeable. That's why we need to concentrate on what we have the power to control, and nothing else. We can't get rid of the fog, but we sure can try our damndest to chip away at it one sliver at a time. One day it's not going to be able to withstand it any longer.

I wish you all the best kid, I really do. Make sure to continue to post updates. If I beat this demon before you, I promise I'll help you beat it too.

All I know is that it will not defeat me. I am the captain of my fate.

Good luck kid.

-Peter

Thank you peter for sharing
bizi