Don't even know how to start this thread. I am so confused and lost right now. Some of you know that I have lost my heart and soul, Richie...my life and my love.....the reason I live and breathe...he has left me in body, no, not in spirit for he will always live in my heart and soul. The problem is that I found a suicide note and he was very suicidal in the past year. Things had gotten very difficult for him. Now I have all this confusion to deal with and so so so many questions. And then there's the guilt. What did I miss?? What should I have done? And I don't really know IF he committed suicide that night....I know this is confusing, too many details to write out in one sitting. All the emotions that I feel are tearing my heart into so many pieces and I've cried rivers. I have also felt his presence and his peace, but, damn

Mistiis I am so sorry you’re having to go through this nightmare.
Guilt whether warranted or not is a huge part of grieving. And the path to acceptance is a very long one. Please know that you are not alone

Thank you sweet Alffe....I know it's a rocky path...I'm trying to remember to breathe, that emotions are like storms that pass through your heart...the pain of it can be physical. I do have a lot of support from the people I work with and Richie's family. I haven't said anything to anyone about the suicide note. I just can't do that to them. He has three children and I will not ruin their lives with it. I'm still waiting for the "cause of death," which I believe will be accidental overdose. And I may never KNOW the truth of it. I love you Alffe....you've always been my light in the darkest of my nights....

And I love you dear mistiis. So glad that you have support from family and friends. And I admire your decision not to share the information with his children, that is so typical of your wonderful character! You have many wonderful memories with Richie. I pray that you are able to focus on them. 💕

Mistis

omg.......is my first thought.


Then comes the belief your RIchie trusted you with his life , and sadly his death..

He knew you, your understanding and compassion, and felt you would above everyone would understand.

It’s not what you want to hear...but in time feel blessed...it was inevitable ( I’m so glad you were in his life)


You are a remarkable woman and I commend you refraining from telling his children about the note.....but it is not your responsibility to carry all that angst alone....

So please talk to a doctor , counsellor , Samaritan, anyone because the longer you keep that secr3t to yourself the greater the chance it comes out in later times in the wrong context causing you more harm than the detail it self.....

Stay inside your circle of control Mistis....I am so very sorry for your loss, please take care of YOU

David