Lots of love to you (((BJ))). Hoping and praying you are seeing brightness in your future.

BJ, I'm leaving town early tomorrow morning for a week in New York city but I want you to know that I'm carrying you along in my heart. Hang in there.

Hi BJ ....... I hope you are feeling much better than the last time I saw you post.

take care!

Thinking of you and sending positive thoughts your way. Remember...everyone here cares about you and how you are doing.

I'm so frustrated I had to have my password reset and I couldn't even remember my name.

I'm turned on but very uncomfortable. I feel every pulse going through my neck. I'm at the lowest voltage and it goes on for 30 secs and off for 5 mins. But I feel every one of them. I'm coughing my head off like I've smoked 3 packs a day but I never smoked a day in my life. But the biggest concern is I can't sleep with it. As soon as I lie down it feels like my throat is cut off. The only way I can sleep is with drugs. they told me I stop breathing when I sleep. Tomorrow I'm being hooked up to some machine. Tuesday I'm supposed to go to my mom grave and say goodbye. I don't know how I'm going to do that.

Is it working? Right now I have no idea because everything is so jumbled up inside. They told me they "told me" I still might need maintenance ECTs. I don't remember. I don't remember much anymore. I couldn't even remember where I worked today. I'm so disappointed so far and still waiting for the miracle.

I know this is not the wonder thread but I wonder if I can leave {{{HUGS}}} for the room.

(((BJ)))

I'm glad you got your password reset so you could come by and post.

I'm so sorry that you are experiencing difficulties with the VNS though. It certainly doesn't sound like a very good set-up if you can feel every pulse! I sure hope they can help you out with a machine so you can sleep without having your breathing stop.

Is Tuesday an anniversary for your mother's death? Can you go to her grave at another time if you aren't up for it on Tuesday?

You really have your plate full right now and I'm praying along with you for a miracle. I hope you have some 'real time' support.

I'm sending postitive thoughts your way, BJ. And I hope tomorrow is a better day for you.

((( BJ ))) My kitty, my very old kitty and I are both sending you hugs and the very best wishes.

((BJ))

I wish there was another way. I hope and pray this works for you. I may not post to you every day, but I think and pray for you every day.

I should have put this in notepad first. My mind is a total blank right now. No Scrabble it wasn't the anniversary of my mom's death it was just I had to let go. And so far I haven't been able to. How do you say goobye to someone who reared you and gave you her heart and soul? No miracle has happened and I'm still trying to get adjusted to this and it won't happen over night if at all. I "think" I'm going home on Monday one way or the other with a lot of restrictions. But I have to trust myself and fight this off. I cough and can't breathe and I'm just so tired. I had a test done and I stopped breathing many times (I can't remember how many) during the night. I'm going to be turned up in a week or so but until then there's really no improvement. Maybe this will work maybe not but I'm trying. I'm just starting to lose hope that I made a big mistake. My memory and cognitive skills will never be like they were before. I'm worried about my job and everything I've worked so hard for. But this is supposed to be good.

I just want to leave {{{hugs}}} for the room and hopefully next time I post I'll have my kitty sitting on my lap.

(((BJ))) !!!!!

Thank god you posted. I was getting worried about you. Thank you so much for checking in.

You have no idea how proud and in awe we are of you. You're working very hard and you should be proud of yourself.

I can't imagine what you've been through, but I've been thinking about you every day. When I was very young, 18, I was a nurses' aide for a short while. My first stint was in psychiatric and I had to help with a lot of electric shock therapy. I remember talking to one young college student. She seemed kind of bewildered but doing good. And like you, she was having a hard time remembering things.

Please check in with us as often as you can when you go home. Everyone is here for you. And I can hardly wait until the day you post with your precious kitty on your lap. I bet she misses you so much, as have we.

Blessings and hugs and love dear girl.