... my freshman year when a classmate took his life. That's why I'm here - this forum.

How awful for you all Bobbi...did the school make counselors available so you could talk about it?

Did the Yellow Ribbon Program exist then? I was so fortunate to hear the Emmes speak when they came to our town...suicide is an awful thing to have in common. (((Bobbi)))

Yes, the school brought in counselors, only... how lame is this: My mother said I saw them, but, I don't remember having done so. My family moved shortly after. That total disruption (moving away), I suspect, didn't help.

If the Yellow Ribbon Program was in existence, I wasn't aware of it. Then, again, time following is a blur.

(((Bobbi)))

(((((bobbi))))))
thanks for sharing your story.

Thank you!

I know some people wish to re-count/relive or somehow re-enliven their H.S. years. But... those are ones if I had to forget I would rather. I don't have to let them fade from memory. I don't have the memories. I can't remember and I have been in counseling as an adult... and that counseling does emcompass for the dx of PTSD, layers and layers.

I've not been to any H.S. reunion and I doubt I'd go even if I received a gold-embossed invite.

The last I remember of that day: My friend reached into a paper lunch bag; he pulled out a sandwich and an apple and, then, a handgun. I heard another classmate tell him, "Don't do it!" It was too late . Our teacher's screams is the last memory I have of that day.

Who would want to be so young again? Not I. No thank you .

Someone just let me have a veranda and a white wicker rocker and plenty of Heavenly Blue morning glories, and I'll be content with just being where I am at whatever stage my life reaches to rock myself in contentment.

Bobbi,

I am so sorry. Sometimes those vivid images can get locked into our brains, war veterans being a good example. Those images just keep throwing flashbacks that you can't seem to escape.

I'm so sorry for your experience and your loss.

Thank you, Farside. This is the first time I've recounted what I recall of it in an open forum. I've only been able to write about it in counseling, but can't say the words or I fear just crying so much that I'll lose myself in the puddles and sorrow and may not find my way out without a life preserver attached.

I know you all know too-darn-well how it feels and how much it hurts and I just don't know, yet, how to grow - beyond the sorrow.

But I'll learn. And, that's why I'm here.

((((( Hugs )))))

I just got a E-mail for work from my lawyer, work-related, so I should probably go read what she said . She's fantastic and has helped me with so much. I'll likely cap off the night writing her so I may fall asleep with positive thoughts in mind.

Thank you each for being here. It'd be lonely without you, and other friends - whom may read this and understand why I haven't shared as much with them. I know they know I love 'em; heck, I've told 'em .

Bobbi I cannot image the horror of that classroom..no wonder you don't talk about it! Oh but talk you must and cry you must...the only way to get thru it is to go thru it. I'm so glad you're getting counseling.

Please read Tear Soup...it's a wonderful aid in dealing with grief. If you will pm me your address, I'll send you a copy.

Let us be your life preserver. (((Bobbi)))

((( Thank you, Alffe ))); I looked up "Tear Soup" and noticed it's available at Amazon. If I can't pick up a copy this weekend at a bookstore offline, I'll order one. If not available, I'll take you up on your kind offer.

Some people invest in art; I tend to have a major investment in counseling . The agency's director has a ton of articles. Y'know, maybe it's time I made the time to read some more of them.

Thanks for being here!