this forum reaches so many. hopefully a teacher or a school couselor will read this bobbi. give that student who gave them a moments worry a second if not a third look.

kids can't read those warning signs. most of the time even family members can't. we are just too close. it makes it hard to detect those little changes that build up.

you may never bring that memory back in full. who says you really need to? (exact details i mean)the outcome is still the same. you know what happened. healing can come by helping others and realizing that there was nothing you could do to stop him.

no matter what happens we are here for you. we will connect somewhere on the internet if this place goes poof too. some friendships last longer than the licks it takes to get to the center of a tootsie pop!

Whoa, I hadn't looked at it that way, Curious. Thanks for re-framing my thoughts about it. You've given a new perspective to think about it, since, maybe it might help teachers see possible signs in their students. That's good news! .

I remember that his girlfriend had broken up with him and... then .

i think we are all brought here to share our stories for a reason. helping heal our own grief is one, helping others to heal and hopefully to prevent a suicide.

can you imagine if just one person reads all this and realizes what sorrow and grief they leave behind for generations and doesn't go through with it? makes me not think twice about sharing my story. ( my grandmothers actually)

I'm one of those mom's that kids open up to. I have the house that everyone wants to hang at. yes...brownies help! i know just readling what you have written will make me pay more attention to not only bubbamonkey ( he is 17 ) but his friends. same with lil'monkey and her young teen friends.

i am real sorry that your friend reached the depth where he saw no light. we can't turn back the hands of time as much as we want to. we can do everything in our power to help other see even that tiny flicker.

(((((((bobbi))))))) and an extra BIG frosted brownie and an ice cold glass of milk!

I've heard and read that the closer someone identifies with another whom has taken his or her life that it increases the risk that that person (identifying) may do the same. I suspect, but don't know, that seems a truism, yet does anyone know if that is accurate?

The same year my classmate died, my father was also sucked into a hole of his own being. He couldn't walk, following a surgery he had, and he told me - well, he demanded - that I get his rifle from his closet and shoot him. I didn't do it. And, to this day, I don't relate to giving such a directive.

I recall the incident with my father with total clarity. But I can't even begin to relate or identify with a parent dumping that on one's child.

I'm just wondering how "at-risk" I might be? I would hope that people around me, and I see so many health professionals (because of my med. conditions), that one would glean signs. I am very honest, too, in my counseling and with my doctors. I would hope one would be circumspect and jump on something that may signal clues that warrant more attention.

Am I mistaken for thinking so? I don't think I am, but... what do I know anyway .


P.S.: Each time I have an appt. with my PM (Pain Management) doctor, he assess for depression. I cannot remember, off the top of my head, what the guide or assessment tool is that he uses (I'd have to dig out the reports). But in the few years now of seeing him, he's not cited anything that alarms me. Since I've been earnest with my docs, I would hope they are honest in their reports.

OMG!

Can you just imagine how that usetabe girlfriend felt? That poor girl...

Bobbi, THANKS for sharing your tale...
I hope that maybe, in some infinitesimal way, your act of sharing will begin an era of closure for you. You've a great enough physical burden to bear without having such a terror to haunt your mind.

Honestly, Gene, I can't imagine how she felt. It was a permanent end to a situation that might have found a better outcome if only... but there are always those in life. Maybe she is like me, and just doesn't remember much of those times. I don't know. I've not stayed in contact with people from those years, except a few of my teachers.

I envision my next counseling appointment will entail broaching this very topic.

If Life could hand me something I want right now, here's what it would be: A huge emotional eraser, so that I could talk about it without the fear that I will find myself digging out from tears. Just opening old wounds, and I've been there and done that, and to have the feeling of no way to dissipate the overwhelming feelings is the scary part.

But... I know I'm gonna get through this . Heck, all I need do as look at the people in the forum and realize that what may seem so large in life and so painful can be faced.

Still: Got an eraser ?

(((( Huggles to everyone; can't offer or have too many of those! ))))

Bobbi, I'd gladly loan you my "emotion eraser" if I had one... or maybe you could benefit from using a "Bacular Clock."

Either way, I'd have to use it first... but I'd share...

Bobbi, talking about this is such a helpful thing. There must be so many reasons people kill themselves, anger..helplessness..intolerable pain..to instill guilt in the survivors..impulsiveness..on and on I think. Initially my husband suspected that someone had come into his apt. and killed our son. As if somehow that would be easier to accept than Michael putting the gun in his own mouth and pulling the trigger. Our son was a juvenile probation officer and owned this gun because he had to walk around in dangerous neighborhoods at night, checking on his case load.

We spent at least two years trying to find out WHY our son would do such a thing and I think that it was necessary for us to ask that in order to accept the fact that we'd NEVER know why.

What you and all the other kids in that room had to witness was obviously planned. Look at the lives he ruinned..look at the # of survivors and the effect it's had on all of you. It's something that suicidal people don't even think about I suspect.

Recently I watched Anderson Cooper on Oprahs show and he disclosed that his brother killed himself in front of their mother (Gloria Vanderbilt). He just ran to the balcony of her apt. and dropped from the ledge before her very eyes. It's so hard to comprehend this horror.

(((Bobbi)))

And I wanted to add (got tired of editing! ) that often I read about
"copycat" suicides among young people. It's almost like getting permission when someone completes suicide.

Bobbi-

It might be therapeutic to attend that upcoming 5th( ) HS reunion of yours. You'll be with a lot of people that will remember your friend.

I lost a friend to a drunk driver just months after HS graduation. And at the one reunion I attended, I learned other news, a nice young lady I knew passed during childbirth, another in a hospital undergoing treatment.

I know it's important to remember our friends like they were, but it was cathartic to learn even the bad news.

joe