[DMACK]

Well this christmas/new year will sadly last all of one minuete in my memory.

I worked christmas, and boxing day woke up with the FLU .........not had this for 15 years, felt a wreck... got through the day at work , and slept thurs/frida.........back on track by 31st Dec....but by then all of family had it... complete disaster.............

The one resident in on christmas day enjoyed his dinner i made him, which made up for feeling peeved for being at work... and re-enforced the true meaning of christmas.but it was very hard this guy was really sufferinng and though i tried relentlesssly to cheer him up or change the coversation to poisitivity... it ultimately reverted to his problems and internernal missery...


I must admit [although currently i';m drinking heavily when writing this, and when sober , i always retuurn to 'carry on mode'] that it may be time for a change of job...............What i'm not sure.....if i had money to take time out i'd be a writer. I have several unfinished books, and hundreds of poems....
I personaly believe i would have been a great Funeral director, [dealing with the deceaseds family not the preperation side although a comendable skilll and duty]

But i am also married with two children, a mortgage..bills..and life restraints ... that keep me where i am.

"If i were Spielberg, or Oscar Wilde..
my life would be exciting & not meek and mild.
Or would I act like E.T, and not like a child.

If only Mark Twain and me were the same,
or would i revert to type,
and phone home again.
Will the importance of being Ernest,stay in my mind
Or will i concentrate hard, on an encounter of the third kind.

or is that a metephore for one in the same,
And saving private Ryan is my ultimate aim?



Pure Alcohol i/m afraid................rambling yet again.

Alfe .................in your prescence in the this world there is a GOD and bless you for being here with us all.[ thanks for pm...it meant a lot]





To all that have come through this difficult last two week or so period.. CONGRATULATIOS...


Lets face the next 50 gruelling weeks together head on... L.O.L.

Seriously may i say one big enormous thank you to all you wonderful people on this site........for making me feel i'm worth something and including me in your family.

i'm the youngest of nine children, i have spoke to one sibbling over xmas....life at times is crap.....
Although originaly [ and still do ] i posted on BP forum as i'm BP2 DX.... i feel such an overwhelming desire to post on this site,


NEVER think tha'ts morbid, due to my own attempted suicide... its because i feel true EMPATHATHY for those who suffer internal distress. And if i had a hotline with GOD, i'd get him to patch me through to all those in this state of mind.. THAts it i would lke t be a Human Angel..[ A bit ike ALFfe]



To each and everyone of you, i wish you peace of mind, inner happiness, and the knowledge that there are so many like minded people out there, who give a ****...that togeth:gro uphug:er we can make this world a better place.

David

[Curious]

(((((david)))))))

just a hug...

i thought you could use one.

[DMACK]

Curious

MY DEAR LADY YOUR NOT WRONG...........AS ALWAYS

dAVID

[Alffe]

David I'm very relieved to hear from you...feared that you were offended...know that you were missed. I'm sorry for your flu bug.

Perhaps it is time for a job change although poets, like musicians often starve while waiting to be discovered. *grin. I so enjoyed your clever ditty!

January is a downer for me because our son killed himself in January so I am always happy when February rolls around. Mr.Alffe is taking me off to where the sun is shinning later this month and that always helps.

Please know that you are one of the family here...and remember to "mind the gap!"

[DMACK]

AlFFE OFFENDED BY WHAT?...............certainly not by you.................

To my dear freind ALFFE.......................

This month must be a torturoeus time of year for you and Mr Alffe.. and Bizi and her sister and god forgive me for not remembering her name/.and any other siblings left behind by your sons loss.

The only thing i can offer as comfort to you as a Mother,
Is that when i decided in a flash to end life.. my troubled mind did sadly not stop to think of those i may leave behind, and the anguish and sadness my actions may bring..My illness/state of mind never contemplated my actions at that perticular time. it was a spur of moment an impulse an unconciuous deciscion,....

Suicide when attempted is a pyschotic state... it cannot be deemed a


rational choice............Alffe/MrAlffe your poor son died because of an illness, not because of suicide.

He unwittingly/sub-conciuously chose his own death, but this toremented soul was troubled, and this state of mind created the belief that death was an answere.

Alffe PLEASE READ [MEBP-ECHO] again, and remember as humans when we call out, we too hear echo's, some of the repliesare not of this realm, and when unwell, how do we convince the hear-er that the message's are distorteted or un-real.

If your dear son had , had an incurable DISEASE......His passing would be more acceptable

Sadly he had an incurabale, condition that passes so many people by...

I KNOW HE LOVED YOU ALL........... AND KNOW he is so proud of your comittment TO HIS LEGACEY of life, and sadly his death..

LIKE I SAID BEFORE HE lives on in your Work AND DEEDS............[ A personal question is any one in your family called RONNIE.]


Alffe a peacful new yeaR TO YOUY AND your KIN,
#
dAvid

[Alffe]

*grin...you are a dear man David. Nope, no Ronnie! But I like your word "flash". After years of living with the whys and what if's...we have come to accept the "conclusion" that Michaels act was an impulsive one.. no plan..just a "F**k It, kind of a thing. We will never know for sure...he had so much to live for...but that's how we saw it...obviously, he did not.

[KathyM]

Originally Posted by David McCallion

its because i feel true EMPATHATHY for those who suffer internal distress. And if i had a hotline with GOD, i'd get him to patch me through to all those in this state of mind

David

It sounds like the job you have now is an excellent opportunity to work as a Human Angel. I'm sure you lifted that man's spirits on Christmas day not only by feeding him, but by allowing him to speak about his problems and internal misery. "Happy talk" doesn't usually work when people are consumed in misery. IMO, what works is the reassurance that someone cares - and you showed this man you care.

[KathyM]

((Alffe))

[Doody]

(((David))) I think you are very inspiring and a true gift to these forums.