Hi hope,

I am scared also. I have been out of work for a year and a half and have lost my courage to apply. I felt sure I could find something but have not. I would love to talk with you if you would like. I believe we are experiencing some of the same feelings. Hope we can talk.

Thanks and I care,

Dan

Hey,

I want you to know I care and would like to talk.

Dan

Sometimes, I think I must be the only person in the world that has social anxiety on the internet. I know that the internet is supposed to have a disinhabiting effect on people, but not so with me. I guess that is a result of the thought that if people really knew me they wouldn't like me. Or worse yet, if I don't let anyone in, I won't get hurt or rejected or abandoned. (I know, it's stinkin' thinking) Those are the dragons of my past that need to go.

Ever since I lost my job of 18 years, I've been frozen in fear. Since I have no family or children, my work was my family. In fact, it was a family run business until about 4 years ago when it merged with another company and it all went downhill after that. My job there was increasingly becoming obsolete over time, which I never in a million years thought would happen. Long story, but after downsizing the receptionist out of her job, I was the unlucky person that got take over her position. I have ADD, so you can imagine that the phone is a nightmare for me. My last year there was hell. I had panic attacks and I wasn't eating or drinking (water, that is). I was frozen in fear and felt trapped. I really think I would have died if I stayed there. I stayed in bed for about a month afterwards. In Febuary I had to drive myself to the ER because I thought I was having a heart attack or panic attack. It was a panic attack, thank goodness. I was still so stressed out about meeting with my lawyer that morning to sign the severance agreement, that I believe I was having psychotic thoughts. That was scary.

OK, I have to quit talking about that now. It's a little upsetting. So, here I am with 18 years experience in a field that I don't really like and in a job (my former position) that is becoming obsolete. And in the worst economy ever. May I scream, WHY NOW, WHY ME!!! And I feel like I am about 110 years old and the world has passed me by.

Gotta quit talking about that now, too.

Really, I hope everybody understands that I don't have anything bad to say about Neurotalk. In fact, I have been very impressed with the way it is run. Otherwise, I wouldn't have had the courage to write this much.

Hugs to everybody

Awww (((Hope))).

I can't say anymore than what everyone else has said. I usually try to check in but that does go in spurts. NeuroTalk is just the best place and I feel so comfortable here. I was at BrainTalk since 1998 and when things started going all bonkers, dear Doc John was the saving grace. You will like it here.

I'm SO sorry about your loss. That's huge. I've been at the same place for 22 years but I am lucky that it is a system that when a job is closed they have to transfer us. Seniority plays a factor, but I'm lucky to be where I'm at. I just can't imagine losing it, I would be so afraid. And yes, especially now with this stinking economy!!! It is scary. Just take a little in at a time or you will be overwhelmed.

We care dearheart. Hang in there!

Dear Hope. I am really sorry about your situation. I sometimes feel all alone even being in a room full of people.

Change is hard and can be very scary but there are so many wonderful people out in the world who would be happy to help you. All you have to do is ask.

I hope things will get better for you! I'm new to this board but if you ever want to talk just pm me. The mailbox is always open!

Take care of yourself. We care

hi there,
Were you able to see a new pdoc?
Did he/ she prescribe new meds for you?
It took me along time to get stabilzed on meds...took me years to find the right ones for me.
Barbara is right we have to retrain our thinking and behaviors.
This is not easy nor comfortable.
Especially having anxiety issues.
If you are taking anti anxiety meds they too can help with the physical symptoms so that you can work on your issues....
Have you tried journalling...sorry if you have stated that before...
writing out things can really help you focus and get your feelings out.
I was glad to hear that you were in counseling before...are you still seeing a therapist?
Keep posting, talking, venting, sharing, believing....
You are a wonderful woman....and are worthy of this effort.
bizi

Hi Bannet..Beth, and welcome to the forum. Feeling alone in a room full of people is just an awful way to feel. Unlike 4hope, I find the net easier than real life...I'm basically shy and the written word is a lot more comfortable for me.
Whatever works for us is the right thing to do.

Thank you, Bizi

I read everyone's posts last night and it felt so strange to feel everyone's concern. I wondered if I was dreaming.

Anyway, yes I did get to see a new pdoc at the clinic. I was so anxious about going there that I had to ask my therapist (in an appointment just before it) to help me fill out all the paperwork (medical history and a self-evaluation). I have to admit that no where else have I been extensively questioned before I saw someone. I'll be working with an NP, only bringing in the pdoc if needed. She was pretty easy to talk to and I was determined to tell her how I really feel instead of what I think they want to here. It's so easy to hold back. When she asked me to rate my depression on a scale of 1 to 10 (1 being the worst I've ever felt and 10 being the best), I rated myself a 1-1/2 to 2. And the anxiety (1 the least anxious and 10 the most), I rated myself a 9. The doctor wound up raised my Lexapro to 30mg (up from 20) and put me on Trazodone (50mg) for sleep. It's only been two days. I'm not sure about the sleep med, it still takes me a couple of hours to fall asleep (it has been a lot worse than that). Woke up at about 4:30 but did fall back to sleep. I feel a little zonked after getting up and I noticed my eyesight is a little blurry.

I'll see, I have to give it a little time. I know I have been sleep deprived as well.

Sorry to bore everyone with medication talk.

Thank you everyone.

I wonder if I can tell Alffe that my anxiety about the internet is more about self-disclosure and not being accepted for who I am. I don't know exactly how to explain it.

Welcome back!

I wonder if I can tell Looking that we don't judge people on this forum...*grin