Squirels

Alffe · 03-20-2008, 03:52 PM

I saw a black squirel in Michigan on my way back from lunch this noon. I didn't know we had them here. It reminded me of our squirel thread...LOL

http://thesquirrelboard.com/forums/forumdisplay.php?f=1

Maybe I can find it and bump it up. *grin

reyn · 03-20-2008, 07:38 PM

Hi Alffe, don't know about the critters but remember building a treehouse!

I typed a new post, as a new member, but then deleted it 'cause I just wasn't sure if it would be acceptable here. As always now, I do not write personally, privately to any one person when I am very depressed because it is not fair to burden a friend with reading, trying to understand, determining if a call to 911 is necessary, or bearing the responsibility of being a confidant to one who is seriously depressed . . .(bless your heart, scrabble, for listening and hearing me and, with PTer and Alffe, being the most trustworthy and dependable friend that could ever be possible, especially with our friendship being made and then strengthened through an internet online forum!).

Would it be appropriate for me to post here about my current situation, problems, thoughts of "wishing I were no longer alive," and feelings of depression and confusion? I continue to adhere to the principle of honestly stating my thoughts and feelings while openly distinguishing between the irrational belief that death would be a relief, an escape. Anything that I write will always be designated as my thought and feelings and will never be a "wolf's cry" for help and certainly will not be a direct or implied intent to self-murder. Was that too graphic?

Any and all, please let me know if I can/should continue here . . .

From my heart,
reyn

Curious · 03-20-2008, 08:07 PM

((((((reyn)))))))

we are here for you.

if you ever questions or worries about if anything is ok to post..send me a pm.

DMACK · 03-20-2008, 08:10 PM

reyn

Sounds like times are bad dear friend!!

Without this bolt hole to come to, i'm not sure how i could release my feelings.
Depression is a lonley companion, and an often uninveited one at that.
Thoughts of death, and suicide are unbareably lonely and A tortrurous..solitary act.
I FOR ONE am listening and see this sanctuary as place where all are free to talk, and vent. you may not get the response you want to hear always, but everyone cares.

I hope tomorrow is a better day for you

David

Wren · 03-20-2008, 08:29 PM

Hi reyn -- We all are safe here. That's why we love having this place. Please talk to us.

Doody · 03-20-2008, 09:33 PM

Oh ((((Reyn)))) !!!!! I am so very happy to see you here! We have missed you so very much. No matter what your reasons, I for one would dearly love to see you round and bout this wonderful forum.

Much love to you.

Doody · 03-20-2008, 09:34 PM

Oh wait, did someone mention squirrels????

Thanks Alffe. I saw my first black squirrel on one of those recent trips but for the life of me can't remember where. South Carolina maybe? I just don't know. I'm so used to seeing the regular ole brown squirrels from around here.

reyn · 03-20-2008, 09:39 PM

Thank each of you for hearing. Below is what I wrote and then cancelled because I thought it might be just "over-the-line." If so, I ask that a monitor delete it because, as I understand, I do not yet have the privileged of deleting a post.

from my heart,
reyn

Quote:

Never could I have imagined that my life would be lived within the walls of a house, with 23 of the 24 hours/day spent within one room. It didn't get this bad until the end of last year--and as the weeks and months go by, I've found myself drawing in, pulling away, not talking to or seeing anyone. Since the beginning of the year I haven't made it to any of my doctor or dentist appointments--all were cancelled just hours before the appointment time. The last time that I saw a doctor was toward the end of December--even then (Saturday night), I didn't go to the ER until the next morning, too late for stitches but soon enough to have the charges filed on my insurance before the end of the year!

My oncologist dislikes me so much that he offered to just mail me my monthly script for the pain meds and other drugs because I refused to take the follow-up five-years of chemo pills and did not make the last of several appts for biopsy of "possible metastatic lesion."

How did I fall so far down and away? I think it is partly due to mental illness but am also trying to understand how I became so alienated from all of my family and how I came to accept this weird existence of never going outside, never--ever--answering a knock at the door, rarely ever answering a phone, and depending on my husband for everything--I do not even drive anymore.

For awhile I was able to force myself to shower, get dressed, get into the passenger side and be driven to visit my son and my mother on a somewhat regular basis. Every day of this week I decided that I had to get up, get out--I haven't seen another person for almost three weeks now.

Why am I writing about this here? Because I don't want to die this way, and I know that I would not be crying right now if I did not believe in my heart that it doesn't have to end this way. Does that make sense? Would I feel sad and lonely if there were no hope?

If my words are inappropriate here, I'll not post. I didn't even know this place existed until today when a friend responded to an e-mail ((Alf)). I'm not at a critical stage, i.e., suicidal plans, but I could really benefit from just trying to talk about some of these issues and trying to find a plan that will help me work through and out of the horribly dark hole.

It's one thing to live a chosen life of peaceful solitude . . . another to be living in a partially-self-erected prison, then trying to break down the walls to access the outside world.

If I could just "talk" with some of you, as a group, it will help me to re-establish lines of communication. What are your thoughts about this?

thanks,
reyn

Alffe · 03-21-2008, 07:07 AM

How appropriate that we are having a squirrel conversation in the "tree house".

Welcome to Neuro Talk dear reyn. (my "job" is to welcome new members even when they are old friends.)

Depression is hardly an old friend...however it is a very familiar one. How I wish Pter were here to help in the fight. I am so sorry to hear that you have barricaded yourself in your home when the antidote to depression is to surround yourself with people who care.

There are a lot of people here who sincerely care so let us help you up.

Doody · 03-21-2008, 09:38 AM

((Reyn)) Dear sweet lady. We have missed you so much . I wish we were all near you so we could help you. My cousin was in the same situation and her doctor finally put her on a med that helped her to start adjusting but it took awhile.

Know that we all care and would do anything that we can. Much love.

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