Happy Birthday My birthday was last wednesday and it was nice.

You don't think so now, but one day you will celebrate again.

Kids are so great. they bounce back fast. I know my son said a couple of years later that he missed him.....but not the drunk him. He knew so much more than I thought he did.....I thought I had hidden it all so well.

Dottie

Happy belated birthday!

I wonder if my children will remember all the spankings they got from daddy because of his rage when on alcohol. I wonder if my then 7 year old remembers daddy not feeding the baby and spanking her at 4 months of age to be quiet so he could sleep the day away. My oldest told me the other day of having to make her own PB&J cause daddy wanted to take a nap with the baby. I wonder if they will remember the constant screaming and mental abuse he lavished on them. I wonder if they will forget the love and hugs and time spent with him when he wasn't drunk.

I know my 11 year old will never forget daddy. She was wrapped around his finger before he became sick. I pray I can at least save my 4 year old and make her forget as she only remembers the dark side of daddy.

How old was your son?

((((((((((nohope))))))))))
I am hoping that your birthday will bring blessing, in the midst of the pain you are feeling.

sadly the friends in this room understand
and I so pray their support and compassion will be like balm to your soul and that you will be encouraged

I really pray that God will move in very deeply healing ways to restore hope for you and your little ones.

with much hope for today to be a new beginning for you and your children

Oh sweetie you lived my life. My son was 16 when I finally got some ba**s and left.

the straw that broke the camels back was when he, in a drunken rage went after my son. I put up with him abusing me but not the kids!!!!

He was my sons step-dad so I guess its different, But the things they saw are still the same.

Hang tough girl.

Wow this has brought back alot!! But I can see thing so much clearer now. I was an enabler too!! BIG TIME

Thank you Chemar, I had so hopped that this new year would bring new hope. I wish too that today would be the start of a new beginning. Maybe it is the end of my past. I can't stand this emotional turmoil. One day I feel great, the next in the dumps.

Thank you for the birthday wish!

I can't believe not even the state would kick in for the sake of our kids. When I finally fled the home with the girls and the dog and enough changes of clothes for a few days, I could not get a restraining order against him to protect the children! They said the abuse had to be on me and only then could I blanket the children with a restraint! I am so glad I finally left the home! The police even threatened me with arrest if I didn't return with the children as he was also a custodial parent. It took me years to come to the conclusion to leave. Everytime I threatened him, he'd calm down on the drinking and I would linger hoping it was permanent. Wrong! Talking to his brother, my husband had several wrecks with his truck. God, he could have killed someone! What about my girls??!!! He was always intoxicated wherever he went. Load up the kids in their car seats and drive them wherever while I was at work. In 2005, I finally started taking the kids with me everywhere including work. You wouldn't believe the things he was telling our friends and family about that. Dispicable lies. It was awful. Just like you I would do anything for my children. Unfortunetly this was not my girls step father, but daddy.

I don't understand how he could take the easy way out? I did EVERYTHING for him! I loved him so much and he loved me. My God! He adored his kids! We created them together. I cannot move forward because I cannot understand how he could possibly do this.

This is just sick! I hate him and his alcohol addiction! Why Why Why? We were inseparable, a team, we did everything together, every waking moment of the day. In my eyes, there was no greater love. I cannot move forward. I cannot put this to rest. I will never love another man long as I live, cause I loved him.

I can't get over the hate. How can I put one foot in front of the other when these boots are covered in mud (life's circumstances). I truely don't know how to go forward with this missing person, icon, whatever.

I found this information,
[Grieving a Suicide

The suicide of a loved one raises painful questions, doubts and fears. Some cultures see it as shameful or an affront to God.
Survivors ask themselves: Why wasn’t my love enough to save this person? What could I have done? How did I fail? What will people think? Feelings of failure, shame and blame exacerbate the sorrow of loss.

It’s important that, in addition to the healing strategies described above, you do the following if you lose someone you love to suicide:

* If you have religious concerns, try to find a gentle, nonjudgmental member of your faith, and be open when talking with that person about what happened, and about your feelings.
* Rather than being concerned about the stigma surrounding suicide, concentrate on your own healing and survival.
* Confront the word suicide, difficult as it may be. If you keep the cause of death a secret, you won’t be able to speak freely about the person you lost, and you’ll block a pathway to recovery.
* Talk openly with your family and friends so that everyone’s grief can be expressed.
* Do something that will benefit others in your loved one’s name.

Difference between grief and depression

If you are grieving, you may experience a number of depressive symptoms, such as frequent crying, profound sadness, and depressed mood. However, while major depression is categorized as a psychological disorder, grief is not. Grief is a normal and healthy response to bereavement, not an illness. Its symptoms are painful, but they serve an adaptive purpose.

The American Psychiatric Association states that, as a general rule, normal grief does not warrant the use of antidepressants. While medication may alleviate some of the symptoms of grief, it cannot treat the cause, which is the loss itself. Furthermore, by numbing the pain that must be worked through eventually, antidepressants delay the mourning process. When grief continues to be a disruptive and debilitating presence, you may be suffering from depression. If you have a prior history of depression or lack social support, you are particularly at risk.
Symptoms that sugggest a bereaved person is also depressed::

* Intense feelings of guilt.
* Thoughts of suicide or preoccupation with death.
* Feelings of worthlessness.
* Slow speech and body movements.
* Inability to function at work, home, and/or school.
* Finds no pleasure in previously-enjoyed activities.
* Hallucinations of the deceased.]

more information about it-
http://www.helpguide.org/mental/grief_loss.htm
http://www.betterhealth.vic.gov.au/b...ly_and_friends


this might help to explain some of his actions and why he couldn't/didn't change- Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism:
http://www.helpguide.org/mental/alco..._treatment.htm

maybe it will help you to understand some of it
I know you also mentioned his family's history of emotional/alcohol issues...

Thank you Jo, I don't have any of these symtoms, just rage. This is my loved one we are talking about. He was a wonderful admired person and because of his addiction he is gone. Oh, Iam so angry.

I have to figure this out, my dilemna? but thank God you are all here. Baby steps. I hope you will all walk with me.

I believe anger is a normal reaction....

http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/suicide/MH00048