Nohope, honey..I think you have all of the symptoms..they just take turns showing up and right now rage is taking the lead.

((Nohope)) And it hasn't even been very long. There is no right or proper way to grieve, nor do we all do it in the same order necessarily. I've seen people grieve in so many ways.

Just please try to take care of yourself in the meantime. Grieving can take its toll on our health so please eat well and don't short yourself on sleep or those comforting baths, or whatever pleases you!

I look at the replies next to the views and see 31 replies to 380 views. I wonder just how many survivors of suicide are out there feeling the way that we do and keep it bottled up. Isn't that so much worse than talking it out? When your family and friends change the subject, you know that they have moved on. Can you talk it out here where we all care about you and want to hear you?

I was told by my 4 year old today that I "always go the wrong way!" Then my 11 year old chanted in how much longer it takes to get anywhere cause I always make that mistake. Yep, driving down the road, totally distracted by my world, I cuss and have to turn around some where. I am always distracted and totally tune everything out as I replay the last 17 years over and over in my head. Drives me nuts! If it aint that gas is ridiculous enough right now! Or I go to the grocery store, with a list, and find that I have put a couple miles on the cart going back and forth down the isles passing what is right there on the list! Alffe, I so feel for your friend. Even though the comments made to her are "new" everyday, although they have been repeated over and over, I have absorbed every bit of it and retain it. At my weekest points I lean on those comments to get me through even just a minute of despair. Her ground is still wet, mine is starting to dry.

I still have the memory tree out in my back yard at my rental home. I had used this tree at his memorial for monetary donations to the girls college education fund. Only my brother, me and a friend tied money to the tree! I had intended on taking it up to the mountain (our favorite place) where he killed himself. I was going to plant it and decorate it for Christmas. Never did. Now I have reserved our toasting glasses from our wedding to bash them at the base of where I finally plant the tree.

On the lighter side, my 11 year old that has hit the honor roll 3 times in a 12 month period has been elected to represent her middle school to incoming elementary students. Wow! How is it humanly possible that this child against all odds can continue to come out glowing? She even made the cheerleading team last week!!!! I gave her lots of hugs and high-fives tonight and told her that her daddy would have been so proud! She was beaming. How can I look at these glowing kids and be so sad?

I used to love life. We had it all. A wonderful functionable family, a beautiful home, extended family and did all the normal things a family would. The children were in their clubs like soccer, tap, ballet, and social groups, we did the family days, vacations, just had a love of life. All of that is gone. Living off social security is not the greatest. When my littlest begins kindegarten in the fall, I want to throw all my energy back into re-opening my small business. I hope to be back in business by March of next year.

It's kind of sad that I can see our beautiful home up on the mountain from my daughters bedroom window from our rental home. So many memories. This road trip that I am thinking about this summer, I might be looking to live somewhere else. We have been in Portland since 1991, 6 months after my marraige to him. So many memories it hurts to drive anywhere. Maybe that's why I am so distracted!

All you viewers out there, I sure want to hear from you. Please come in and join us, we all care and are here to relieve each other

Oh, and Nina says woof. She is doing the best she can and has a smile all over her face!

Just a note to say YOU ARE LOVED!!!

nohope
Some one read this to me several yeas ago ...........

As we growp up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to ever let you down probably will.
you'll have your heart broken probably more than once, and it's harder every time.
You'll probabl break hearts too, so remember how your heart was when broken.
You'll fight with your best friend.
Blame a new love, for something and old love did.
You'll cry because time is passing by to fast, and you'll eventually loose someone you love.
So take pictures, Laugh too much, and LOVE like you've never been hurt before.
Because for every sixty seconds you spend upset, is one minute of happines, you'll never get back.
Don't be afraid that life life has ended.

Be afraid that it will never begin.


I'M GLAD YOU REFER TO YOUR GROUND AS 'DRYING'

nohope...................hope is there and the resolve you have will shine through.

David

Nohope

Keep drying that ground.........Sorry I've been absent.

please know I care. Just have to be distant for now!


Love and healing thoughts ..............I KNOW!!


Dottie