I started to post this last night but never pushed the post button because I couldn’t. I met someone last summer when I was in the hospital. We became very close and I felt like we were becoming good friends. She had a hard life doing drugs and alcohol and her family offered her no support. Even though I was so busy during tax season I kept in contact and I would text message or call at the drop of a hat because I knew she wasn’t doing well and she was so lonely. She’s been in and out of the hospital numerous times since I was there and I went to visit her whenever she was there because she could never catch a break from life and went through one bad relationship after another.

She sent me a text message on Wednesday while I was at work and said she needed to talk and would I come over after my appointment. Naturally I said yes. But I got so hung up with “me” stuff, and worrying about getting Hooper out of doggie day care I totally forgot. I came home and was so emotionally drained from my tdoc appointment I took a long bath and actually slept four whole hours.

I was going to post in the AM before I went to work but when I woke up there was a message on my cell phone. It was from K’s mom. She never showed up the night before at her job as a bartender. Her mom couldn’t reach her on her cell so she decided to check her apartment and she found her. They’re waiting for the toxicology results but they think it was heroine. I knew she was hurting but I never thought she’d do this. But what hurts is her mom said to me “I knew she’d end up this way”.

I don’t even know how I feel right now. She wasn’t BP or anything, just severely depressed and tired of fighting. The viewing is tomorrow and the funeral is on Monday. I usually don’t go to these because they’re triggering but I have to, for her. I want her to know that even though her family didn’t care much, I did.

Alffe thanks for reaching out to me. I’m taking your advice and taking Hooper out to the park. It’s not sunny and it’s quite chilly but I need to think about things.

I am so sorry BJ and I know you will find no comfort in knowing that you really were her friend, maybe her only friend. Unfortunately we just can't give people the will to live...it's hard enough to take care of ourselves.

thank you for having the courage to talk about it and giving us the chance to comfort you.

(((BJ)))Thinking about you and sending you heartfelt hugs.

(((((((((BJ))))))))))))
praying and sending love, hugs and deep sympathy

Cheri

I am so sorry about your friend. She was ill and nothing you could say or do would have changed it so please don't blame yourself. It is sad that her family feels this way. I think you should go to the funeral for your friend. You were there for her in more ways than you know. My prayers going up for her and you.

BJ, {{{HUGS}}} I"m so sorry. Its very likely that you probally were her only true friend. heroine addiction is such a hard addiction to beat. I admire you for being so brave and going to the funeral... My thoughts and prayers will certainly be with you....
vicky

i am really sorry about your friend. this is something that touches everyone like a ripple and you have my prayers. the funeral will be tough, but you are doing the right thing. you and your friend will be in prayers and thoughts.

Gee, that's just awful, BP. Awful for your friend and awful for you. Such a shame her Mom didn't haven't any faith in her.

Thanks for sharing your experience, even tho it was so tough for you. It's a lesson for us all to reach out whenever we can, but to know that ultimately it isn't something we have control over. It wasn't up to you to save her from herself.

It was HER choice, not yours, so no beating yourself up. Like Alffe said, we just can't give someone the will to live.

Many hugs to you, BP. You are loved

((((((((((BJ)))))))))))))))

David

I just wish I knew why people who get pushed over the edge, can take that final step. Last summer I know I was psychotic, delusional or a whole combination of things getting on top of me. I was thinking yes take those pills, then no don't take those pills. But everyone here kept talking to me and I also kept thinking of how my mom would feel if I did do it. Forgetting religious beliefs, she would have been absolutely devastated. Not like K's mom who seems like she could care less. I know she drank a lot working at a bar and I know she did drugs. I tried so hard to take her away from that life and get her involved in other things like going to Barnes and Noble and reading or just chatting and drinking coffee. But she didn't want to, booze and drugs were her comfort zone. It took away her pain. I wish I could have done more for her, I wish I had remembered to call. I'm not sure if it would have done any good but I can't get it out of my mind that she felt like I abandoned her too.