[KathyM]

I wonder if I'll be able to dig myself out of this hole without asking for help or talking in tongues. I'm so exhausted, and not in the mood to be slapped in the face or completely ignored. It would only confirm my fear.

I wonder if I'll ever get to see a grandchild of my own. They look like so much fun, but I wouldn't have much to offer.

I wonder if I can hold my breath and keep my eyes open until Christmas. I was promised my son would be home by Christmas.

I wonder what will happen if I remain quiet. Will it eat me alive or will it turn me into a rock or an island? Is the sound of silence really that peaceful?

I wonder why so many turn away when I try to vent. Have I become too ugly? Are my words too painful or irritating? Is the volume too high? Should I be tossed into a nursing home for the sake of everyone else? Would I be too disruptive in a nursing home? Would the nursing home kick me out on the streets or tie me to the bed and pump drugs into my body?

I wonder how my sister will be able to care for herself after major foot surgery and only one week off work. She has no one, and I'm not able to travel to TX to be with her when she comes home from the hospital. I wouldn't be able to help her anyway.

I wonder why I decided to "honor my father" and abide by his wish to live in this house. I know he loved this house, but he had to have known it wasn't structurally sound. Then again, my husband and I were healthy and working back then. He probably thought we could tear it down and build a house of our own. I look around, and it feels like I've let him down. I look around, and I'm a kid again - praying my heart out for "Dan" and spewing the same old crap I used to spew.

I wonder what should be done with a person when that person becomes useless and a burden to others.

I wonder why the volume of music in movies has to be so loud and the dialogue so soft. I've given up on movies altogether.

I'll go to my room now. Don't have any flowers in there, so I'll just count the cobwebs on the wall.

I wonder if people in this forum know how much I want to give them a

I wonder if I've TOTALLY messed up this thread.

[who moi]

I wonder that I was on my way to get off the puter then I came upon your post, KM

I wonder that if I may be complete honest in my post and that you'll find how sincerely that I care at the end of it...

I wonder about your last sentence first: "I wonder if I've TOTALLY messed up this thread."

I wonder if I can understand how you feel and why you would feel that cause I've felt that many times after I've clicked the submit button wondering if I'd just ruined someone's thread. But you didn't and don't ruin threads. I don't think anyone ruins threads.

I wonder about your statement about "a person becomes useless and a burden to others."

That scares me cause of what I believe in. I believe in ALL people...and I cannot believe that ANYONE would become useless...I think we become burdens because we OURSELVES think we become burdens to others.

I've thought that way many times about myself burdening da wife...but she loves me anyways...

all lives are precious, I know that different people will argue about murderers and drug dealers and blah blah blah but I still believe that ALL lives are precious...and I don't want to get into the whole argument about that.

But I cannot believe it in my heart that ANYONE will become useless...

Now, I know you are passionate about what you believe in. And I applaud you for that!

But I do have to say that I can't agree with the way you go about it a lot, but that is MY opinion and MY opinion only.

I don't talk about myself a lot but I guess this is as good a time as any to share it.

I know how you feel about interracial marriages. I am in one. I know what you mean by the stares, we've been the subject to many.

I know what you mean about fighting. Because I have fought many growing up. About my race, about my eyes, about my tics, about my faith.

6 years ago someone was going to kill me cause I said I didn't believe in God.

BUT...

my wife is a Christian. Her belief in it is strong, it makes her whom she is, and I respect that. And she respects my beliefs back. It thus opened up my eyes to many things.

There are many people out there that are ignorant as well as many out there that are wonderful.

take THIS forum for example...there are a lot of compassionate people here...and I think that is WHY you come here, cause deep inside, you KNOW...and you KNOW that we care about you...and we KNOW that you care about us back...

I understand that you want to bring the issues out, but it is one thing to bring issues out then accusing a mass group as a whole as to NOT caring...

my wife is part Indian, a direct descendant from Pocahontas. Guess what, George Bush is also. But should they be linked into the same?

NO, we are all unique individuals...

I applaud you so much for fighting for what you believe in. We ALL need passion. But we cannot fight and get people on our causes by accusing them. We have to get them on our causes by ENCOURAGING them...

you are a person of such strong compassion and that IS so much to be admired. But at the same time, I think folks are turned away because they DO want to help but are turned off by some of the accusations. True or NOT, it is all about approach.

I am not saying I approach things better than you. As a matter of fact, I am sure you will get angry at me with this post. But I am not doing it to make you angry, but to SUPPORT you...

I remember you saying something about meeting your family overseas and how they all act weird because of how they looked and how people look at them funny. And I remember you were having a self-pity party.

WHY??

Doody has met you and I love doody and believe her words, she says you are BEAUTIFUL so I believe that.

your family must live in a lot of pain of being teased due to something that they cannot do anything about, genetics...

and what IS beauty? I never felt beautiful cause I was teased. Imagine someone slanting their eyes at you since age 10 and up onto your 40's...imagine someone that imitates the way your eyes are blinking and your neck is twitching and you are skipping and hopping and making dog barking noises. Imagine how painful it already is for you physically and then having someone making fun at you at the same time...

that's my pain...and I still live with that everyday...

but that's MY pain and it is nothing compared to many others...such as yours...

but I don't want to go and accuse a whole society for giving up on me and picking on me. I've done that and only found myself bitter and angry...

what I've come to find is a lot of compassion and understanding from a lot of wonderful folks...and each wonderful gesture that I've received, I can forget about 100 other teases...

I understand how you must have been teased and threatened...but I also want you to know that there are those that DO care...

please open up and talk...you ARE a part of this forum...and please know that when people disagree with you, it isn't that they DON'T share your passion...

and please know that I care, I can go on but I don't want to p*ss you off than you already are right now...but after your anger with me subsides...please know that I DO care and if anytime you need a hug, please let me know...I will be here...

you will NEVER be useless...for all you've done and accomplished...you have MEANT something to SOMEONE...

Please please please believe that...and sharing that photo of your son? You have made me and many others bonded to him...to know that he is out there, risking his life for us...gosh...character...

and YOU, helped him build his character...you are are BIG part of that...

and please please please do NOT give up on yourself...do NOT give up on LIFE...your husband needs you and your son needs you and many need you...KEEP ON FIGHTING!!

(((((BIG HUGS))))) do NOT feel alone!!! I leave with tears in my eyes and I hold you in my heart...

[Twinkletoes]

Originally Posted by KathyM

I wonder if I'll be able to dig myself out of this hole without asking for help or talking in tongues. I'm so exhausted, and not in the mood to be slapped in the face or completely ignored. It would only confirm my fear.

I wonder if I'll ever get to see a grandchild of my own. They look like so much fun, but I wouldn't have much to offer.

I wonder if I can hold my breath and keep my eyes open until Christmas. I was promised my son would be home by Christmas.

I wonder what will happen if I remain quiet. Will it eat me alive or will it turn me into a rock or an island? Is the sound of silence really that peaceful?

I wonder why so many turn away when I try to vent. Have I become too ugly? Are my words too painful or irritating? Is the volume too high? Should I be tossed into a nursing home for the sake of everyone else? Would I be too disruptive in a nursing home? Would the nursing home kick me out on the streets or tie me to the bed and pump drugs into my body?

I wonder how my sister will be able to care for herself after major foot surgery and only one week off work. She has no one, and I'm not able to travel to TX to be with her when she comes home from the hospital. I wouldn't be able to help her anyway.

I wonder why I decided to "honor my father" and abide by his wish to live in this house. I know he loved this house, but he had to have known it wasn't structurally sound. Then again, my husband and I were healthy and working back then. He probably thought we could tear it down and build a house of our own. I look around, and it feels like I've let him down. I look around, and I'm a kid again - praying my heart out for "Dan" and spewing the same old crap I used to spew.

I wonder what should be done with a person when that person becomes useless and a burden to others.

I wonder why the volume of music in movies has to be so loud and the dialogue so soft. I've given up on movies altogether.

I'll go to my room now. Don't have any flowers in there, so I'll just count the cobwebs on the wall.

I wonder if people in this forum know how much I want to give them a

I wonder if I've TOTALLY messed up this thread.

Nope, KM, you didn't mess anything up! This is the Thunder Wonder thread. We have power to prevail over the messy complications in our lives. Even when we have little or no control over certain things, we triumph when we can rise above them and refuse to let them drag us down.

"I'll go to my room now. Don't have any flowers in there, so I'll just count the cobwebs on the wall." Now you got me humming that Statler Bros. song!

I loved Moi's thread. If all of us could express ourselves so well, we'd have a better understanding and more compassion for each other.

I hope you will continue to visit NT and gain strength from those of us who care about you. I don't know you well, but I still care!

Sending hugs and, ummm, floating love hearts!?!

[Doody]

Crikies! I wonder that I didn't know Kathy could speak in tongues.

And I wonder if Kathy knows that I never thought I'd have a grandchild either. Kids waited until they were...28 and 29. And I don't think they'll have anymore. They said highly unlikely because they can barely make it financially as it is. And I'm proud of them.

I wonder also that I don't like the sound of complete silence, can't stand it! Gotta have white noise at night or the tinnitus in me ears drives me nuts.

I wonder that 'weary' is my newest descriptive word of myself.

I wonder at the flood devastation here in Iowa and we're sending it south. Incredible pictures here (which they can get only by boat or helicopter). http://www.redcross.org/news/photoes...est/floods/08/

[KathyM]

I wonder if Moi knows how much I appreciate his honesty.

I wonder if I made it clear when I referred to "ugly" in my post above, I was referring to my posts - not my looks. People on the street are irritated because I stumble and swerve and get in their way on the sidewalk. They assume I'm drunk. I know this because it's the same look people give to dirty homeless people when I sit with the homeless on the streets of Chicago. My looks will be more of a factor when my forehead falls completely over my eyes. It hasn't happened yet, but it will because it's a "classic look" of this disease.

I wonder if I made it clear my worry is not about my welfare - it's about the welfare of my friends. I have a high pain tolerance, but not when it comes to my friends. I can't stand to see them in pain, but I can't solve their problems either. I can only help when they ask me to help. They asked me to help with their petition, and I let them down. That was why I was feeling useless.

I wonder if people knew I was referring to natives who continue to live and practice their culture in their own sovereign nations. They are fighting to keep their water, their land, their lives, and their dignity. My friend in North Dakota attends at least two suicide funerals per week, and she's in poor health herself. She thought I had friends here because she thought it was still the old Braintalk. She visited there a few years back and received a very friendly welcome. She's very worried about the welfare and safety of her granddaughter. My friend will probably not be around when her granddaughter begins to grow into a woman.

I still wonder why the U.S., Canada, New Zealand and Australia were the only countries worldwide who voted against human rights for indigenous people.

I wonder if people know the APA agrees the use of mascots is a systemic way to dehumanize, oppress, and discriminate against human beings.

http://www.apa.org/releases/AmIndRes101805.html

I wonder why so many people voted on American Idol, yet only 1300 people bothered to vote to respect our own people - (not referring to anyone here).

I wonder when our history books will begin to tell the truth in school. It's not fair to raise our children on fantasy, when the rest of the world knows the truth. It's not fair to teach little boys they are preserving the culture of over 500 nations by reading the book "Last of the Mohicans" and creating their own regalia and weapons. It's very insulting to natives who are not Mohegan and who have struggled for generations to survive. It's very insulting to Mohegans too because the book was a fictional novel written by a white man who assumed they were all extinct. He knew nothing about American Indians.

I wonder if people realize when this country gets in a bind financially due to war, they reach into the pockets of our native nations - either for comfort, resources, or economic gain. It's happening again, and no one seems to notice. I can only assume they don't care. I'm NOT referring to anyone here - just society in general. Many people are unaware of "Wounded Knee II" in 1973, or how South Dakota never recovered from that tragedy. Many people are unaware the natives of South Dakota were NOT the ones responsible for Wounded Knee II.

I wonder if and when we'll ever learn from our mistakes - or why we feel sweeping it under the rug will solve the problem.

Again, I'm sorry for causing an uproar here. You all are very dear to me, and it was not my intention to step on any toes.

I wonder when those people in Iowa will be able to return to their homes. So many left in a hurry. It doesn't seem fair to have state officials breaking down their doors and searching their homes before the owners get the chance to inspect their homes.

I wonder if Twink knows that song is one of my favorite memories. My dad liked that song, and as a kid I would stand on his feet and dance along with him to the song. Thank you ((Twink)) for understanding.

I wonder if Doody knows how happy I am to know that wasn't your area I keep seeing underwater in Iowa. I kept thinking of you and little Bruna in that situation. I'm so glad you are "mom" to that feisty red pooch.

I wonder how Alffe's doing. I made a "light-hearted" comment, but I hope she knows how much I care about her and how much she means to me. How I wish I could heal the scar she has to live with day in and day out. How I wish I could heal the scars all of you have to carry.

[who moi]

hi KM,

I wonder how good it is to see you posting...

I wonder that I don't have the answers to your questions. I have many about the world myself and about my own life and such....

but I wonder that passion, is what keeps us going...and there is absolutely nothing wrong about having passion about what you believe in...

I wonder that I have been so passionate about my father's death/life/memory the past two weeks that I've passioned myself exhausted...

so I wonder if nobody will NOT think that I don't care about them if I take a break for awhile...

I wonder if I can send some advanced hugs to all that are hurting and will be in need...

I wonder if everyone can see how sincere that I care...

((((((Everyone))))))

don't worry, I will be back...I will always come back home...

Oh, before I go, I wonder if I can say that da wife cares so much also. But she has been working so many hours along with taking classes that they require her to do that I barely see her anymore...but her thoughts are with you all as well...

keep on wondering on, folks...

[Burntmarshmallow]

I wonder if Kathy knows sometimes one dosent know what to say or they believe what they say may be taken wrong or what they say may sound stupid... so they say nothing?

I wonder if she knows my hub has African Amercian in his back ground?

I wonder if everyone knows my youngest was teased because of her afro hair ALL THE TIME.? she pleaded me to bring her to get it strightened. She spent 8 hours yes 8 stright hours in the chair getting all the curlies out. and it boosted her self concidence .

I wonder if i can give kathy a hug ?

I wonder at her passion for life and in things she dose and has done?
I wonder if she is mad at me?

I wonder if she knows she will NEVER BECOME USELESS!!!!!!!!! NO ONE DOSE!

[Alffe]

I wonder if KathyM knows that I knew that she loves and supports me...

I wonder if the other side of depression is anger...

I wonder if I can admit that neither one of them appeals to me....

I wonder why I can't just hum along...hmmmmmmmmmm...

I wonder if that big yellow jacket was really swimming in the bird bath or was drowning..
or is it drownding....

I wonder that my 13 yr. old grand-daughter never heard of the United Nations....they don't even teach it anymore?????

I wonder why I always pick big things to get mad at...like the U.N. and France...

I wonder how much land the mighty Miss. will take...

I wonder how and where our BJ is....

I wonder if I can thank BMW for asking about Michael....

I wonder what the UPS man just delivered....moi???? Naw..that box would be bigger. *grin

[Doody]

I wonder that we all have passions of one kind or another. If I could get involved in all my friends' passions, I'd have no time for myself to be weary.

I wonder that if I really said what I wanted to say everyday, some people might get really offended. Like....DON'T buy animals from pet stores or breeders!!!! Adopt, adopt, adopt!!! No more puppy mills!!!!

Heh, that's what I'd say everyday. Well I wonder that, in addition to a hundred other things but I already know some of my passions would totally pi$$ off people I know.

I wonder how my dear friend in Ottuma is. They are getting hit hard now along with the rest of the cities and towns in the east by the flooding.

And yes...already the corn devastation has affected the economy. In the last 2 weeks the price of corn went up 25%.

I wonder if you would like to see a hero's story over in the Pet Forum.

I wonder if you'd like to see Iowan's own flood pictures that have been sent in to a local weather station. Unfreakinbelievable. http://www.kcci.com/slideshow/weathe...14/detail.html

[Twinkletoes]

I wonder if I can leave hugs for everybody, as I get ready to run out the door and hop in the car?

On my way to DD's place 180 mi. from here. Will spend the night and then meet my NEW NEURO tomorrow! Woohoo! She is not an MS specialist like old Doc. I hope we hit it off. Plan on discussing monthly Tysabri infusions for my MS.

Bye all! Be well!

Oh, could whoever begin the next Wonder thread turn out the lights here and leave us a link as the last post? Please? (Some of us get lost, Lol!)

So long! Farewell! Auf weiderstein! (sp), etc.