When I read forums where people are sharing the problems they are having or have had with their children....I can't share there because I have a gut reaction...I'd give anything to have my son here, with or without problems.

when I read that someone is still in intense pain from the loss of a loved one and it hasn't been a year yet....I hesitate to share that it will be years before they feel anything akin to "normal"....

I spent the afternoon with a dear woman who wishes she were dead rather then live in this nursing home.....perhaps that's why I'm depressed.

I had an email from my old neighbor who is worried sick about her only remaining son..afraid he will also kill himself. And she wonders why no one talks to her about her dead son...she just wants him back, she just wants to talk to him, to hold him. And she wonders why she continues to cry on a daily basis...says it just happens out of no where.

I can't tell her that you never really accept what has happened but you learn how to walk with the pain right next to you.

There's just no way to make lemonade out of this.

And I can't decide whether to hit submit or delete

i wish there were word to make it different. there aren't.

i bet moi will let you pull his ears if that helps.

((Alffe))

If you want to continue on with your vent here, we can line up some buckets and maybe someone will volunteer to dress up like Bozo. You've already done a heck of a job with Bucket No. 1.

I'm glad you hit the submit button. I'm sorry you had to suck on lemons today. I suspect the energy that was drained from you today provided a little lemonade to your friends. Maybe not a lifetime supply, but just enough to get them through the day.

So sorry my friend.

It's difficult for the uninitiated to know how to respond to those who are in so much pain. I guess we think that if we keep on smiling during a conversation and avoid any unpleasantness, that it will help you forget for awhile.

On the other hand, the person in pain might be really needing to open up and talk, but no one dares to ask.

Thank you for the insight. Sending many gentle hugs.

((((Alffe))))

((((((((((Alffe))))))))))

Your words just hit me like a ton of bricks....

All I can say is Thank you for letting me see how things look from you corner of the world.


Abbie

Alffe......Luv ya!!!!!

I remember standing in the meat department looking at a great pack of New York steaks. I used to be so proud to bring them home to my beaming husband when he saw them. He would immediately light up the grill. It didn't ever have to be a "special day", it was just a spontaneous normal act of mine. One day standing in the meat isle, I burst into tears getting everyone's attention. I was so embarrassed! It just happened with no warning. To think I would never be able to do that spontaneous act again to brighten his day.

Your neighbor is much in the thick of it right now. You are just licking her wounds. She has got such a long road ahead of her and I am so glad that you are her friend. However, don't let it get in the way of your healing process.

It has now been 8 months since my husband's suicide. The hatred is still there, but I do feel on the mend right now. However, I never know when I am just going to start bawling. I am just so grateful for the days I have that are happy and consecutive!

Alffe, you have been my rock and my idol. I think about you all the time. I am so glad you have finally found some peace. More to come I am sure. I love you!

you have inspired me many times over, Alpho...
thick and thin, you are stuck with us...

and if this would help...I've got two of them:



remember our old saying at the old place? WARM FUZZIES???

WARM FUZZIES...

(((Allfe)))

If we could just forgive ourselves quicker, easier...

We could forgive others.

And most importantly, let it go. What's done is done. I've said it so many times, I had to find out the hard way. But even with our individual expirience and knowledge, it hurts to keep ripping open the wounds. Hurts even to try to help others in the same situation.

If we could just forgive ourselves...

(((Allfe)))