[Burntmarshmallow]

Well behind all my foolish humor that is trying sooo very hard to not worry or not think about or maybe trying to put on the back burner. I know I know others will draw conclusions of me.. When really all my thoughts and emotions are mixed up.. I hope no one judges me and NO one is hurt or offended by my mixed up washy washy ness
But when my hub continues to not use his cpap mask at night or any time he sleeps. I consider this a slow suicide. And true what he says about me smoking cigs is also kind of the same but not cus I don’t smoke inside nor do I smoke non stop all night long .. it is kind of the same but not.
Is there such a term as a slow suicide? What dose one do when they are faced with such an issue? Am I taking things and blowing them out of proportion?
It is so hard to listen all night long for the last 5 or more years that I do not sleep in same room. Which is good cus of my t.n. and mostly can only sleep in recliner chair. BUT HE SOUNDS SO MUCH LIKE WHEN MY DAD HAD MASSIVE HEART ATTACK RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME AND DIED ON FLOOR. THAT SOUND NEVER LEAVES!!!nor do the images or helplessness of that time back then.
But the sound and knowing he stops breathing for periods of time while he is sleeping eats me… it makes me cry he wont use mask. And I try to think. what is he thinking dose he think?.. okay I met nice girl we got married had 2 baby girls .. raised/are raising
Them.. so that’s it he don’t care his life is complete and its okay to ignore not breathing all threw night off and on. He doesn’t care if he dies in sleep? And isn’t that just like slowly killing ones self when you have the means to correct the problem but you refused to use it? And I am trying so hard to say it’s a medical condition..An illness . but I didn’t wear this wedding ring for the last 23 years so I can find him one morning dead. And then I feel horrible at myself because I do care and I want him to care also.
So what do others here do to cope with their hub and illness and not get so frustrated and …angry? How do you keep going when it is apparent other half could really careless?
And what is considered a slow suicide. If there is such a thing?
Yeah that’s what is behind all my silly antics…anger, sadness, frustration tears and a dead end to which I bang my head on when I allow myself to ponder on it. Because when I do my mind just spins around with all kinds of mixed up thoughts and emotions. I am sorry for my silly goofing around it is just my way to deal i guess and thanks for putting up with me you all are a blessing to me to have met and gotten to know.
Okay now BMW is cryin and needs to go in bathroom and wash face..the good side at least and take care of drippy nose. Sorry forgive please.
PEACE
BMW

[Alffe]

(((BMW))) I wish I knew how to help you...I can't tell you to put a pillow over his face though I'm sure you've been tempted.

Have you tried all the over the counter stuff that's out there? Not being able to sleep is horrid!!

[Curious]

he may just think he is invincable. not take the dr's warning to heart. just doesn't think the worst will or can happen to him.

you know i go through the train honking roaring snoring husband too. plus he has periodic limb movement disprder. which he now thinks is a mis dx. he say...oh...i am probably just moving in my dreams. yep. do the same movements over 100 x..just dreaming.

i can't tell you what or how to feel. i know for me..it just adds a numb spot in my heart. i know these sleep issues are helping to ruin our marriage.

[Burntmarshmallow]

no its not that I cant sleep. I can from about 2 till 6 and I nap too... it is that he wont use sleep mask... and my mind spins around why wont he and I worry how I will find him in moring and he is grumpy most of time and its like if he wont try why should I but I know why ..because I care ,love and it is getting hard to keep on that track.
I know others out there have dh they care for because of illness that is how I am tryin to accept this as an illness of sorts.
But i also think of this as a slow suicide...if there is such a thing? is there???and it hurts so bad i try to ignore and not think and smile and joke but it really really hurts . Like russian roulette but in diffrent way .. you would take gun out of hand .... thats what i want I want things the way they should be... for him to use cpap and get rest and be un grumpy and live.
should i even be posting my thoughts and fears because insurrance company or some poop thing will find my posts and then i will be screwed out of any help that could come. I better go I am way mixed up and to emotional right now to really post anything that makes sense . I am also quite snippy and moody now so I will lurk for a bit. Thanks Alffe Mom your the best just tops. thanks for reply
I think i am gonna pm you about something.

[Burntmarshmallow]

Thanks yappa you are right it is a big wall in our marriage.
I gotta go think and walk and probly lurk here for a bit till I feel better... sorry we both were posting at same time.
Thanks for Reply

[tovaxin_lab_rat]

Dear BMW

I deal with a roaring train called a snoring husband too. I cannot sleep through it anymore. I've tried earplugs and I now get ear infections from them so I cannot use them anymore. He does nothing about it, refuses to talk to the doc. It's my problem he says so I solved it by now sleeping in another bedroom. I have to have my sleep otherwise I am in constant pain.

So I do understand what you are going through. It's a medical problem that will not go away and if he won't deal with it, then that's his problem, not mine. I have too much on my plate to deal with on a daily basis and I can only do so much.

[Doody]

(((BMW sis)))

[Nik-key]

Oh Tina, I am crying cause you are crying

I just feel so connected to you, perhaps it is because we share the horrific pain of TN, but maybe more so, because you are so much like me, trying to use humor to mask your pain.

I am already bawling, so I will share a lil something with you. Since I was a little girl.......I have been this way. I can't share why I first started to use humor to cover things up, ...but I was young. My Dad, he was so wise. I didn't fool him one little bit!

Looking back now, I guess maybe he was tuned into me? Maybe he knew when I was ready to break? But he would sit me on him lap....and sing to me
No sadder sound, than the tears of a clown

Well hell! Now I can't type...have to go, but I you ! and will talk more later

[Nik-key]

OK, so I pulled myself together a little bit.....

To answer your question, hmmm I would have to say that yes, I do believe their is such a thing as slow suicide. I am not saying that to judge, it is just what I came up with after some thinking on it. If you know by not taking your medications, using tools you were told to use to prolong your life, and you refuse to....that is self harm. IMHO

But as a wise man once told me (( David))
PLEASE always remember when your father chose to take his own life

ALL RATIONALITY/REALITY had left his mind at that moment..........Suicide s not a rational chioce for anyone [euthinasia maybe not suicide totaly different]
Sadly it was his choice...............we all have a choice...............thats why were human.......free -will ....................adam/eve...............

I think that pretty much sums that up. As much as we love someone, as much as we wish they would seek the help they need..... or follow their doctors orders... At the end of the day, all we can do is express our love and concern... and try to make peace with their choice. Not easy I know. My heart goes out to you Let me know if there is anything I can do to help

[KathyM]

BMW

My husband is the same way. His blood pressure and cholesterol are VERY high but he won't take the medication seriously. He gets angry with me when I bug him every day about taking the medication, but if I don't he'll go weeks without taking it. I forget to remind him sometimes too because my life feels like one long day anyway. I'm lucky if I can remember the month and year.

But he has NO problem popping his pain pills, even though his liver and kidneys are starting to show damage and no one at the VA seems to care. They just give him more pain meds.

He also refuses to give up on fatty foods and red meat. Only one male in my husband's huge family lived past the age of 50. His father died at the age of 45.

Maybe your husband can't sleep with the mask on his face. Maybe he sees your insistence on wearing it as a form of trying to control or "mother" him - turns it into a power struggle over liberty and freedom, when it's really just about living.

Maybe if you talked with his doctor about this. Coming from a doctor, the reality of the situation might become more clear. Good luck though. My husband's doctors at the VA refuse to talk with me about his condition - they say I am violating his rights.