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10-21-2008, 09:46 PM
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Senior Member
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Is the best thing that happened to me.
 Alright so I was posting in the other thread, and thought I would start a new one, because I felt what I was saying deserved its own thread. I think having been suicidal is the best thing that ever happened to me. Before this, I was kind of just floating through life. I wasn't sad, but I wasn't really happy. I was going through the motions like everyone else. I viewed the world how you were supposed to view the world. How my parents, the news, my boss said to view the world. I started feeling depressed, hopeless and hit bottom. I felt hopelessness in my life and with the world. I almost was close to killing myself a couple times, quite a few times. I always felt if I was gone, I was gone, there were no maybes. Despite the fact that I don't want to wake up, every morning I do. After a while you stop caring. Not about people, but about how you're supposed to view things that have happened to the world and to you. I stopped listening to all those around me and started listening to myself. Once you've hit bottom, you have no where to go but up. You can create an entirely new life for yourself, not the ones society wants you to have. You start to appreciate life and find love in everything and everyone around you. This is something that never would have happened had I not have been feeling, and still feeling suicidal. Through hell is the only way to get to heaven I think. I'm not sure why I’m going through this all, but I know that however bad I'm suffering, the love and connections I've been feeling are so worth it, and it is far better now that I’m trying so hard to climb out of this pit. I don't think it is possible to skip this phase. If we are content we will not change. Just know the other side of this is far more beautiful then what those who have not hit bottom or refuse to hit bottom will ever experience. I have a long way to go, I’m just beginning my healing, but finally I see a light, a glimmer and with that hope. Today was the first day in about 5 weeks that I didn’t wake up thinking will this be the day I give up. I haven’t cut in over 10 days and right now, at least, I have no urge. And I'm trying to reconcile, trying to believe that I am worth this fight, that it wasn't my fault. Thank you for carrying me on your wings; you’re all angels to me. 
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. . . . Cats nap, only humans put them "to sleep". Sterilize, don't euthanize!! BJ |
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| "Thanks for this!" says: | Alffe (10-22-2008), barbo (10-23-2008), bizi (10-21-2008), Brokenfriend (10-21-2008), Doody (10-22-2008), Idealist (11-04-2008), jaded2nite (10-22-2008), mistiis (10-21-2008), Nik-key (10-23-2008), Spanish Moss (10-22-2008), who moi (10-22-2008) |
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Being Suicidal.............
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