(((BF))) You're such a wonderful support for everyone here, you deserve only the best.

B.F. I am glad you are sharing your thoughts and yourself. I know first hand that you are a very compassionate caring smart guy. I also know I do NOT want you to end your life. You have much to offer ! You lend support and info to many others here at N.T. that gives hope and light to those in the dark...that is pricless YOU ARE PRICELESS!!!!. I have you in my prayers May God lead you out of the darkness and comfort you . Stay strong and remember all of us are here for you
PEACE
BMW

(((BF)))...I understand some of where you are coming from. I spent some years isolated wayyyy out on a ranch. Nothing around for miles, not even neighbors. I loved being out in nature. I get along better with nature than I do with people. But being isolated was not good for me at all. Not on a full time basis. I had to break free and head for the city. Scared the heck outta me. But I had to do it to survive. I think Sandy had a really good idea. I got involved in a Church, and volunteer work. It helped me tremendously. Recently, I made a really big move out of state. It was very hard to do. Also very scary, but necessary for my survival. Now I have to start all over again finding a Church, and making new friends. My daughter is trying to talk me into voluntering at the Hospice where she, my sister, and my mother work. What do you say....maybe we should set some goals, and support each other with putting some plans into action???? Oh, and I have anxiety too. Another thing I hate having to admit. But mine is atypical, according to my psyche doc it causes depression??????? I know, I've never heard of that either. But I am going to deal with it, heck, I am dealing with it. And so can you....so...what do you say....shall we get started?

((BF)) I too live in a rural area, population under 5000. But, I like it. I am country through and through. I do understand about feeling lonely though. My husband Lynn was diagnosed with Alzheimer's over 5 years ago, by that time he was already in stage 5 and needed constant care. I couldn't leave him alone for 5 mins. It wasn't until my sister moved in last year that I realized how lonely my soul was.

I feel so badly for you. Growing up we had a sign on our wall that said " we may not have it all together, but together we have it all." That was our family motto. All for one and one for all. There is nothing I could ever do to make my family turn their back on me, and I fell the same about them. Their is peace and comfort in that knowledge. It breaks my heart, that you do not have that kind of support. I am not judging your family, I just can't understand it.

I have had anxiety issues for about 2 years now. I never understood the impact it could have on ones life before that. I know just what you mean about the tightening, horrible pressure in your chest. I thought I was having a heart attack that first time. I could hardly breath. My doctors tell me mine is stress induced. It isn't something I must face every day. I can't imagine how difficult that must be for you.

I do hope you will be able to find something that brings you joy and fulfillment again. You have so much to offer our society. Mistiis is right, love IS always the answer. Oh, and I was wondering, do you have any pets? Mine sure do help me Another saying my Dad use to say to me, " Nik, you hold that head up high, even if your neck is dirty" lol, I always loved that. Keep fighting ((BF)) Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. Nikki

Thank you SandyC. You to are a very kind person,and I value what you say. Thank you. I'm sending ((Hugs)) your way. BF

Thank you Doody. You too. You are a very kind person. BF

Thank you BMW. I treasure your friendship. You are so kind. I hope that things are going well for your family. BF

Thank you Mistiis. All of your advice is very good.

I might have to move away from here soon,because my sister is angry with me,and wants me to move out of their vacant house that they prepared for me. She has become very ill,and I tried to help her,but she doesn't like me. She doesn't like the rest of our family either. I wish for her to have peace,and I don't understand what happened to her.

Now I'm waiting for my SSD hearing,and planning on going to Social Services. I go to this Region Ten(Mental Health Services)in my State,but they are moving things very slowly.

My circumstances are complicated right now,and I've never been through anything like this. I feel so rejected,on top of my other conditions. I'm going to be seeing another counselor on Wednesday.

Thank you so much for your kind words.

I don't know what the outcome of all of these variables are going to be. I hope that things unfold with Gods Grace,and Loving Kindness,because I'm very tired of my condition,and circumstances. Thanks. BF

You're such a kind and gentle person BF, and you've been a tower of strength to many here on NT.

You and I have gone through some similar things ... albeit in different circumstances, but we seem to have had some similar upsets, especially where our families are concerned.

Please don't ever think that you can't reach out to us. We will always be here for you, as you have been here for us.

I wish I had some magic solutions to solve the problems that you're having, and especially the loneliness one that you're experiencing now.

The others have given you some great suggestions, but I guess you have to do what's right for you.

From what I have learned about you since we "met", I wonder if you be happier if you could get back into some sort of volunteer work with the ministry again? Maybe helping the homeless kids, or maybe visiting the elderly who live alone?

I don't know how you'd go about getting involved, but the others have suggested trying one of the churches in your area. Give them a call BF. It can't hurt, and if anything comes of it it could be extremely beneficial to you, while at the same time helping other people.

Whatever you decide, I wish you well, and I'm pleased that you've reached out to us. You've been so kind and supporting to everyone else. It's our turn now to do that for you, if we can.

Thank you Nik-Key. Yes. I don't understand what's going on in my family. It doesn't make sense. May God help us all.

The pain in my chest is anxiety related also. The first time that it started happening,my doctor gave me a high dose of Xanax,because I waited till the pain was very bad. Then it all went away. He reduced the dose soon after. I've worn out sweaters,and undershirts in the mid chest area,by rubbing the middle of my chest.

Thank you for your kind words. BF