I don't know what's wrong with me....okay, yeah, I'm good at giving the pep talks...not so good at listening to myself, I guess. I HATE this season...everything about it. I'm crying almost non-stop lately and I don't like it because usually I can hold it all in; it's just that right now, for some reason, I can't seem to. I hate the whole "family" thing....I'm looking backwards over life rather than forward because I don't see anything in front of me. I mean, the past wasn't great, but I just wish for a couple of things and 1 person; how simple is that??? There's just too much to think about and I try my best to not think. Hubby and I went to his big family dinner for Thanksgiving and that day was ok; I didn't go out of the house for the rest of the weekend. Yesterday I started taking meds which make me sleep just so I don't have to think anymore. I just think that it'll maybe be better if I can hang on until the middle of January and then all this family junk can be behind me. Why can't I just get on with things and cherish this time that I have rather than waste it like this? I mean, I know it isn't fair to hubby and that makes me sad because he deserves the world. Our son and dil have very little communication with us, for some reason. They keep our grandkids away and that has, more than once, torn my heart out. I don't let myself get close to them anymore. I love them to death, but I won't get close. I love our son but don't understand anything anymore....I can't even write anymore because this probably isn't making any sense and I can't stop crying. Sorry to be such a downer tonight.