if only we were in the same room you would see:

• I am gently touching you dear Alffe... for so clearly being human
  
• by my body language, I am shouting YES to your words dear David...
  
• I am nodding my head in understanding dear Ginnie...

Lara it is so good to see you here with us!


Addy

Hi Junie, Was it you that is having trouble with benefits from Dissability and SS? You are going to your hearing in just 8 days? Do not be afraid. I was denied three times. By the time I got to my hearing, I was joyful! I couldn't wait to tell the judge and these other two men, about my conditions. I was afraid until I started to talk, and then I knew it would all turn out OK. I was so relieved, just to be able to tell them what had happened to me. I was granted my dissability. The truth did set me freee. Good luck to you Ginnie

Oh Alffe- you hit it all with a tee! Exactly, exactly how I feel so often. I am always always always the caregiver, and rarely am I the one cared for. It gets so frustrating, especially when I was growing up and a teen (back when you first knew me) since I was a parentified child growing up without anyone at all taking care of me. Now that I am an adult, sometimes its nice to have someone tell you "it's going to be ok" or "you can do it" or whatever else support people need to hear. Especially when sick too . . . it's always nice to get that warmed up bowl of soup from a caring person or family member, which never really happens to me. So a way of dealing with that, is to justify it and tell myself - oh I am so tough and strong, I don't need any of that baloney/bolagna but sometimes you really can't help it, can you? The little itty bitty in you comes out needy and craving someone elses care. *sigh it's a catch 22. Oh well - all in all - I think I am doing okay adjusting to the independence my life threw at me. Or am I just rationalizing?

Oh dear girl...I really believe that you have a handle on it. That doesn't mean that you have to do it alone, always be the strong one...yada, yada...I remember so well that 15 yr. old girl that was you...trying to hang on in spite of everything you had on your plate. I remember Pter having a fit in an email to me about a 15 yr old "child", hanging out in a suicide chat room!! LOL..we really did take our "roles" seriously...he fathered everyone back then, and I tried to mother you all.

I'm sorry you are sick...it's ok to be like a turtle on its' back. I think you are teriffic!

Oh Alffe ... I feel your pain, in so many different ways, but I do. I am underconstruction too - would love a pin - maybe a "BEWARE - under construction" one? I don't think it has to be suicide, I really don't. It's just losing someone you care about so much, grief, that affects us so terribly. I can't imagine losing a partner, a child, but having experienced the lost of a parent has personally affected me like you can't believe. And well, sometimes you can't control when a person leaves you. And for suicide, its so much more conflicted and complex, because so many people think you could have prevented it, if if if you had done one thing differently and so on. But that's where people have to let go causet that's not true. And understand that that is just the way it is. It sucks indefinitely... but that's the way it is. And someone once told me that if someone is determined to complete a suicide, they will find a way (kind of like kids who want to have sex at a young age, you can put them on lockdown, but if there is a will there is a way). And I don't like to compare the two things, but perhaps it makes it easier for us to accept? That doesn't make it an excuse to say you shouldn't help if you can, but sometimes things are just out of our control. PS I don't know personally the circumstances regarding Alzheimers in your life, but my grandmother has it and you are definitely the sharpest tool in the box, if I ever saw one! Alffe, if you ever need anything, you know where to find me!

PPS thanks for the kind words.

Oh wish... One of my daughters would say Don't Therapy me! But I'll take all the help I can get. I raved about this book to a friend in Madison Wi and she's asked me to review it for the SOS newsletter they put out...I have such mixed emotions about this...am struggling with the book because it's so "right on"....he really does get it and I am reading it in very small doses because it is so intense. And I wonder (wrong thread) about that boundaries thing...I wonder if I can say no because it is putting pressure on me (never her intention)...enough is enough...sometimes it is too much. And thank you for the kind words!

I think if we are honest with ourselves we are ALL under construction. Each of us who frequent this refuge, each have a different story and each have different needs. Those needs change sometimes on a daily basis.
It takes ALL of us supporting each other. When one falls another is there to pick them up. Then when that person feels like they are drowning another throws them a life preserver.
Sometimes we cant be supportive and thats ok too. Sometimes people only lurk and draw strength from reading here. You never know what good you do.
You just never know........

You are so right Goofy and thank you for saying that!